Can you be friends with an ex? What do I do? :(

OK here it goes...

I got together with my ex boyfriend just over 2 years ago. We started the same course at university together but split up 6 months after we started. Although it was awkward at first (obviously because we had to see one another in lectures etc). We split up basically because we were always arguing. 2 months later, he got with a girl and has admitted he only did it to try and make me feel jealous. He's had 2 "casual" relationships with other girls during the time at uni, these were on and off whilst still seeing me, but he has just admitted that he's split up with his previous girlfriend because of the feelings he still has for me. Before he split up with his girlfriend I felt completely used and 2nd best because he'd sleep with me but didn't want to commit. Before him and his girlfriend splitting he mentally abused me, calling me all the names under the sun, things like "fat bitch" " "no on wants you" basically making me feel like sh*t.

We've put all the behind us now, although I do forgive never forget. He's now wanting a relationship with me and its not what I want, I want to be friends however I don't see it working and whenever I tell him this he gives me attitude. We speak to each other every single day and see each other every single day during term time so its really hard. This has been going on for months now and I want a resolution but I don't know where to go from here :( Any help will be hugely appreciated!

Updates:
Can anyone help :(
Any more answers would greatly be appreciated!
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi. You don't deserve anyone calling you names. He can't seem to decide what he wants and it sounds as if he's resorting to acting immature and calling you names. You don't need or deserve that.

    The hard part is being in class with him and seeing him knowing that you do like him. If you give it time you will move on and find somebody better than him. It just takes time.

    What you don't want is to be 5 or 10 years down the line in a relationship the way, or worse, than things have been. My advise is to get out now before you find yourself that far down the road and possibly with kids and property.

    I don't think that anybody calling you names like you described is the way to start a relationship. Give it time to get over him and somebody you deserve will come along.

    It sounds like you know what you want. Now you just have to Nike it and get what you want.

    Good luck, you deserve it,

    bp

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    • I know it seems a bit extreme but I've been looking at emotional/abuse websites and I really do think that's what's been going on. He physically abused his previous girlfriend before. I just can't see a way out, I feel trapped. I just want to get along with him but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I don't know how to let go :( x

    • You don't need to get along with him. He sounds like a complete ahole and you don't need to get along with him. Find someone better. There is a way out, just start trying. It's not going to be easy. Try finding somebody new, hang out with friends, join a group at school etc. Just try. For yourself. You know what the right thing to do is, just try to do it.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Hi I've been through the same situation, I notice that he comes back when his explorations go bad or when he wants someone who knows him well and will take all his crap. Twice even as friends we have fallen off, he never called me names but is sensitive to whatever I say to him, he dates and wants to know if I'm dating and I notice a hint of jealousy in him when he hears that I'm dating. He knows am still single and he too is but I decided to end even the friendship as we were both not moving because we still seem to have feelings while we know we will never be together (or that's what we think mainly him).

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  • It's definitely possible to be friends with an ex. One of my ex-girlfriends is my best friend now. That said, you both have to understand that you're just friends and that it's not going to be any more than that. If he's unwilling to accept that, you're going to have a really hard time being friends with him.

    At one point I understood you to say that you were sleeping with him while you weren't dating. If I understood that right, STOP IT! You can't be just friends while you're sleeping together. It doesn't work. If I misunderstood, you can just ignore all that. lol

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What Girls Said 1

  • ok wayyyyyy too much drama. he says all that because he wants you to not move on first or without him. it's a lame and cowardly tactic but that's what it is. I'm sorry, you clearly have a difficult time with this but if he cared about you he would either 1) be with you and do the right thing or 2) let you go because he really wants to see you happy.

    i'm saying this out of experience. TRUST me .. I have a somewhat similar problem with my ex. he broke it off because we're too far away even though it was his idea to move here (retracted)... and then offered friendship (sucks at that too, terrible friend).. and we also have a working relationship that is going sour now, due to the first 2 reasons. so honey, please trust me.. you're so young, you don't have to put up with this.

    focus on your school work and be done with this. what is meant to be will be. don't give ANY attention to negativity. if you can't part with him, then only offer attention when he's kind and respectful. he'll quickly learn he can't control you or do whatever he wants. I don't think you should bother but I know how hard it is so I offer this solution to you. good luck.

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    • I've come to a decision, I've wasted so many tears on trying to make something work between us, just so we can be comfortable around one another. I'm sick of trying to resolve the situation for it to come back around again. I'm gonna move on and if that means we'r on bad terms and its slightly awkward in lectures etc, then so be it. I've tried my best that's all I can do. If somethings meant to be, it'll be, if not, then it probably isnt.

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    • Thank you so much for your opinion, I really appreciate it. It would be so easy if I didn't have to see him everyday :(

    • I'm not so sure. My ex is LDR and it's sooooooo much harder than when I had to see them. There IS some comfort in seeing them, believe it or not. Not knowing, not being a part and losing that connection, it's just as hurtful. Really. I'm sorry, time is your healer and I hope time moves quickly for you.

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