How can I trust my husband again after accusing him of cheating?

I didn't really catch him in the act flirting or with another woman but I discovered he was/still is talking to a former female co worker of his on his phone. He doesn't really text me but he has her on his block list. He assures me they're not friends and they haven't talked for a long time since she got fired and he blocked her because he wants me to stop accusing him of cheating. He said nothing's going on, he didn't cheat or will cheat. But somehow, I still believe there is more to it and I feel I cannot trust him anymore. Please help me. How do I know he's being honest and true to me? He said I am making myself miserable with this.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • thats on you. either trust him or don't. but from what you are saying, you have no evidence of cheating, and he has gone as far as blocking a co-worker to reassure you there is nothing going on.

    can't guarantee its not, but this is all you right now.

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    • Thank you Chris. I appreciate this. I am working on it. He said he loves me but it makes him sad that I constantly doubt him. :/ both of us have been cheated on before.

    • can appreciate the concern, but don't let fear control your future. he isn't the sameperson who cheated on you, so give him the benefit of the doubt.

    • that's what he said too. I want to let go of this pain. I just want to live my life not doubting him anymore... I am setting him free from me

Most Helpful Girl

  • I do not think he is cheating, bu I can understand what you are saying. After it has happened youdont want totrust anyone, and it take time. Thereis no set time for healing. Youneed to look after yourself, heal yourself, make yourself at peace before you can move ahead.

    (My space bar doesn't work - so sorry!)

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    • yes thank you. I will work on me before I hurt myself any further.

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    • thanks... i hope you are right..

    • For your sake yes - stay sane don't go crazy chicka :)

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What Guys Said 17

  • The question is not how you can trust him after you accused him. The accusations on almost no evidence you described say you never did trust him in the first place. If he has given you reason to doubt him, then why are you with him. The real question is, if you have such paranoia, how can he ever trust you enough to let his guard down around you, knowing that any little thing could result in accusations of horrible wrongdoing?

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  • Relax, usually if a guy doesn't have a record of lying or cheating he likely won't. And if he'd been found out he would've told the truth about it or gotten really defensive. As long as he's focused on keeping you from thinking this instead of keeping the heat of himself it should be fine

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    • you're so young but wise. we both been cheated on. he hid in his room for a month. that's how he is.

  • Talking to another girl isn't cheating. If he has nothing to hide talking to that girl then he should have no prob showing you what they talk about. If he's going to cheat then there is something wrong with your relationship and should consider talking about that with him

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    • He only told me after I saw the messages. So why did he not save her number? Everyone else on his inbox were saved?

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    • like what?

    • His personality, length of your relationship, how long he has known the other girl, who started the text... Really there is no way to assume he is doing anything wrong but if he barely talks to her then he shouldn't care if you see it.

  • I think you need to leave him so he can get a break from Your neurotic over thinking. I very much pity him having to live with that bs. That you are selfish enough to question if you should trust someone who hasn't broken you trust is insane. I. Surprised he hasn't left you already. I would. That man has the patience of a saint and you really don't deserve him if you act like this

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  • Work on yourself you sound like someone with trust issues.

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    • how tho

    • That is a good question, I do not have the answer for you. I would say reflect on yourself to the reason why you accused him.

  • He was just talking to a female coworker and that means he's automatically cheated do you hear yourself? This is an issue within you steming from trust issues.

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    • If he didn't do anything then why would you have trouble trusting him again.

  • He's not cheating. If he's talking to a former female co-worker this is not cheating at all. He would likely be talking to her as a friend if you weren't being so unreasonable thinking that you are supposed to be the only woman in his entire life.

    I'd honestly say that your relationship is totally screwed and you should dump him so he can go find someone else who is more reasonable and allows him to actually have female friends and talk to females outside of his relationship. Seriously this is so freaking ridiculous. You are making yourself miserable because you are asking him to do something you have no right to, and you are accusing him of something that he is innocent of.

    Time to grow up and at 30-35 you should look at relationship therapy so you can understand that people can have friends of the opposite gender outside of the relationship, without being cheaters. Jesus christ.

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    • Ya only if she wasn't the company ho. Then maybe I'd be okay with them being friends. Before you jump to conclusions of attacking me of making his life miserable, think of him going through my cellphone and credit card bills when we just got married. So please easy on the attacks. I am fine of him being friends with other people who are truly friends nothing else. By the way, he told me to stop making friends with some people and family too. Thanks

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    • I am not being sarcastic. I do sincerely thank you for your opinion. He told me from the beginning no secrets and lies. But if this is how it is, I will file for divorce. I have been married with him too long 12 years and all of a sudden he doesn't want to communicate with me because of this one woman. Thank you for opening my eyes.

    • He hasn't lied to you. He hasn't told you. You're quite frankly retarded if you think that it's even possible for a relationship to have NO secrets what-so-ever. Every relationship has some kind of privacy.

      Go for it, file for divorce because frankly I think your relationship is doomed at this point if you get so worked up over him having a friendship with a woman that isn't you. Then whilst you're single take a good hard look at yourself and how stupid you are in between crying over your stupid expectations.

      Yeah sure, but if anything I did it for your soon to be ex husband because he deserves to be as far away from someone so self-centered and delusional. Men deserve to be with someone who isn't an insecure snoop and who can respect their right to have friends and privacy. Jesus christ.

  • It sounds like projection on your part. I am guessing that you have been cheating yourself. So the easiest way to justify it in your mind is to accuse your husband of the very thing that you've actually been doing.

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    • I have been faithful to him all this time. I always trusted him until I knew about her in his life... He had other female friends before me. I never suspected them at all except for this one woman. She wrecked her own marriage and another woman's too.

  • He's already cheating... Or close to it... But how did you discover this? By looking at his phone? Looks like there are some serious trust issues all round

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  • He has her blocked... Why are you stressing? He won't trust you if you don't trust him.

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  • Give one chance to prove himself that he won't do again... If he does leave

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  • Is jealousy/insecurity an ongoing problem for you?

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    • Only when I saw her texts on his phone... I didn't think anything before that since I have met her before at their work parties and we were all good then... I never thought he was gonna hide their texting friendship from me.. she has a rep of sleeping around with married men. :/

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    • Set him free? It doesn't sound like he wants out of this marriage. Are you quitting?

    • I know he hasn't said anything about divorcing me... I meant setting him free of these doubts and he can talk to whoever he wants... I don't want to quit either...

  • You sound a little crazy to me. Being with you would drive me mad.

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    • I won't have acted this way if I didn't have any basis. I used to trust him.

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    • It's the truth, you're making this dude miserable yet you don't have a shred of evidence that he did something other than just talked to her.

    • Side note: if i was with you i would also like to talk to someone about you and you acting this way to get it out of my system or to find a way to deal with you without going crazy... What he did sounds really normal..

  • Do you have kids?

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    • yes 1

    • Then you need to grow up. Nothing you presented indicates that he's cheating at all.

      Does that mean he's NOT cheating? No. It just means that there's no proof one way or the other. If he's innocent then accusing him is WRONG.

      If you have a family, which you do, then you need to push your ego down a little bit. It's about your family not just you anymore.

  • You accused him not that he did cheat

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  • Ask yourself why this is so important to you.

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  • How can he trust you

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What Girls Said 3

  • If there is nothing that confirms your belief that he cheated, stop insisting that he did.

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  • I understand. I really do. I went through that myself. At least your husband blocked her. When they refuse to is when there's a problem. My ex wouldn't. Instead he saved her number under a man's name but I knew what her number was because I'd written it down after seeing their texts. You have to try to trust that he's telling the truth now, especially since he blocked her. Just look for behavior that might indicate that he's cheating.

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  • Just stop blaming him and give him some time

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