Wife is accusing me of cheating. She's making big issue out of nothing. She's saying I'm a lousy Husband now

I'm a 25 year old Lieutenant in the Air Force here at Nellis AFB in Las Vegas. My wife (she's 24) and I have been married a little under a year, and its been an OK marriage I guess. We both met in college, I was in AFROTC, and she worked as a student employee for the department. Anyway, the other night we both got into a really huge argument because she accused me of cheating after she found a receipt in my Jeep when she took it to the store from Black Angus for lunch for two that I had forgot to throw away, as well as the fact that she found lipstick on the collar of one of my uniform shirts. I told her all I did was take one of the civilian secretaries from my squadron to lunch, nothing more. There was nothing sexual about it or anything. My wife went overboard, she started throwing my clothes out into the parking lot of our apartment complex, then she went and smashed one of my favorite bottles of cologne that she bought me last Christmas. She told me that our marriage was over, and that I'm just a bastard and a dogg for sleeping with the woman. I swear I did not sleep with her, it was a friendly lunch, nothing more. I also called my wife a few names, which I regret now.

Anyway, I decided to go cool off for a few hours while she just locked herself in the bedroom crying over nothing in my opinion. I drove around for a while, and then remembered a couple of my buddies in my squadron told me about this strip club just off the Strip. I decided to check it out to see if it would make me feel a little better. I went in and then I bought a couple of lap dances. I had a lot of alcohol as well there as well, so I was pretty drunk.

Anyway, during one of the lap dances I ended up getting an erection. I had these Levi's jeans on and the pressure of it pushing on them was just too much to handle and I ended up blowing my load. My boxers were soaked. I was thinking about staying a little longer, but I was feeling a little sick from all the alcohol I drank. I was going to drive back home, but then I couldn't even walk straight, so I just got a cab home and left my Jeep there.

I got home and my wife was waiting up for me, I guess she was worried. She wanted to talk to me, but I just told her I wanted to get undressed and go to sleep because I had such a headache from drinking so much. She seemed pretty upset, and as I was getting into bed, she noticed my boxers and the come stains on the front of them. She accused me going to see the woman from work I took out to lunch. I told her straight out I didn't, and that I wasn't in the mood to argue again and just to shut her up, told her straight out that I went to a strip club instead, and she pretty much started slapping me and pounding into me, saying I was a a cheating bastard or something, & going to the strip club was even worse. She's gone to her Mom's in Denver now, and won't speak to me. Every time I call, her Mom answers and won't put me on to my wife. Am I really a bad person because of this?


0|0
73

Most Helpful Girl

  • well she over reacted...but you going to "cool off" at the strip club and getting drunk after your wife got so upset about it. I think you were trying to stick it to her. I mean, that is pretty d*** to throw money away on getting wasted and strippers when really you could have cooled off and had a drink or two and then went back with a level head. I really think you wanted to show her you were the man, and it bit you in the ass. Now she seems a bit irrational too, but hey, if my husband ran off when we had a bad fight to get wasted with naked women I would be too.

    1|1
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • well if your telling the whole truth, then no there is nothing wrong with it.

    Wait a few days and try to call her, I mean I would get upset if we had just got in to about cheating and then he goes to a strip club, but that's just me, it would be adding salt to the wound.

    But just wait a few days, buy her something nice that she will like and tell her your sorry and you want her to come home because you love her and miss her and you want to talk this out. Even offer for her to meet the girl who you are friends with. Have the girl explain nothing happened.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Okay, cool down. Let's turn the story upside down.

    You just married your wife (young and beautiful), so you are pretty insecure whether you would be able to keep a wife like her for your whole life. There she goes and gets diner with another man from work and clearly smells like men's perfume when she comes back. She states she just went out to dine with another male co-worker. Then, you get insecure and argue with her, because you think, we just got married, is she missing the single life ? Does she think he is better than me, etc etc? Then, she gets pissed off that you are so controlling. When she was single she never had to worry about going to diner with a male co-worker, so she decides to rebel and goes to a strip club and you find out she was pretty happy and tipsy there. Now, how would you react?

    When you marry someone, you try to balance out each others' needs. What can you sacrifice for her so that she can be happy, and what can she do for you. If your needs are met and are pleased, you will have a happy marriage and life :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you're telling the truth, then no. She is actually overreacting.

    0|0
    0|0
  • People make mistakes. Going to the strip club wasn't the greatest idea but if you're telling the truth, you're not a bad guy. Girls are insecure. I guess, this is a lot more drama than I'm used to, but you need to let her know that you love her and only her. If her mom won't let you talk to her, tell her mom that you want your wife to know that you love her, respect her, and that you know that you made a mistake. Try to explain the situation calmly and avoid getting angry or frustrated. Tell her how much you want to be with her, let her know that you understand that she's mad and upset and hurt. Tell her you don't mean to hurt her. We need to be comforted, reassured, and we need to know that we are needed.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Then stop cheating on her & start being a good husband.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I totally agree with ShesMyGirl (the first guy to write to you).

    I am recently married and with my guy for about a year (end of this month would be a year).

    Anyways, I once saw cigarettes in the car, and he doesn't smoke anymore so I was like "are you cheating on me? would you tell me if you were cheating?"

    and he was like "it was just a friend, and I'd rather die than cheat on you" so I believe him... and that was that

    but yeah... reciept to dinner? lipstick stain on your colar? yeah, I would totally say you cheated... that is way too obvious... I'm going to talk to my husband about this to make sure he avoids something like this happening to us.

    Then a strip club? My husband went to a strip club once and I am so extremely p*ssed off at him. Those things are degrading and disgusting... I find it an offense to do something so low. So yeah, you better apologize and apologize sincerely and profusely and extremely carefully. WATCH YOUR WORDS MAN. good luck

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • Look...taking woman out to lunch who isn't your wife...well the word which come to mind is "stupid".

    Then you compound the problem by going to a strip club.

    What would you think if she did the same thing?

    She can't read your mind...how exactly did you think she was going to react?

    My advice is the very next work day you better get your RWnB a$$ in and talk to someone in ADC.

    This might just be the end of your military career if you don't get on the legal side of this and fast.

    Next I would find out what sort of services you can find to attempt to fix the mess YOU created.

    Dude...you're married...that means when you take a woman to lunch, she ought to have the same last name.

    2|0
    0|0
  • I don't think it needs to be said that considering that incident the best thing you could have done would have been to stay in the house and act like you were doing something unenviable like work. Strip club was a bad idea. In a situation such as this, you should understand that your partner thought you were cheating, the evidence pointed to it, and probably given you had found the same situation after coming back from a tour of duty (or a several day exercise), you would have felt similarly. When our girlfriends, wives become really angry, they want to vent, but they normally want us to hang around, so they can feel angry at us, but know we are ready and waiting for them to change their mind. I can understand your irritation but considering you were the defendant (as such) you should have take the remedial action.

    In order to recover this relationship, I would suggest you give it some time, perhaps 4 days, then you need to prove to her you still feel strongly for her. Go visit her, be polite to her mum, let them deal out whatever abuse they feel inclined to, remain very patient and calm. Then offer to take her out to a restaurant or something and tell her afterward you can take her back to her mum's (as this is her place of security for now). Don't try and take her home unless she want's. You may have to do this several times, and she may not want to make it an evening thing. This will require persistance on your behalf and patience. Wait until maybe 2 days later before you ask her out again.

    Just be wary in future, it is really difficult to spot or even prove someone who is cheating, so you need to take preventative action to ensure she can feel insecure about your loyalty.

    I know what I have said basically places the onus on you but it is probably the best way to fix this.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nope not bad, just bad luck, maybe live and learn, file for divorce...do it all again...

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;