Broke up yesterday - what is he thinking? Why would he do this, can I get him back?

OK so I don't really know where to start. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me last night this is what he said to me first.

"

So I decided that we need a break up and not talk for awhile. I just need time for my self and not have to worry about anything else including me getting drunk and/or worried about something happening. I'm just tired of this and I really don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. That's all"

then I said things to him and his response

"no I don't want to talk in person. I'm sick of this sh*t. Just leave me alone. You got a job, Ur going back to school, don't mess it up. I want to have fun with no problems or drama. So I'm done. Don't talk to me or show up at my house. We're done. Bye "



I then tried to respond again to ask things and see if he would talk to me, but I did not get another response. I don't get it like what did I do wrong. We did have a few things going on and we used to see each other every day and it was alt because he had a lot to do school,work etc and seeing each other every day was just too much for us. So its became like one or 2 days a week. But yet I don't get his reason for doing this. I treated him so great gave him the world even more.surprised him with things, baseball games,cooked dinner, random things all the time. How can someone do this to someone so good? Right now he is down at work for the weekend and just the way he was saying those things sounded like he was mad at me for something but I did nothing wrong. I was thinking he was drunk and going to give him a few days to see what's up. I love the kid to death and would love for this to someday to work out between us but that's not for me to decide. He is down at work for the weekend right now, but when he gets home do you think he will miss me? Miss sleeping next to meat night all the things we did. He has so many things in his room that are from us or me pictures,clothes,things I bought him etc.i just don't know what to do because I want to be with him so bad and I am heartbroken right now. Could he not want to be with me because he wants to explore everything? His 22 and in party mode I guess you can say I party but not like him. Could he want that or be like that? I'm just so lost and need help. Thinking if I give him a few days he might actually talk to me or something. Usually when his mad at me I leave him alone and like I said a day or 2 and he contacts me first and things are better. But this time I don't know like I had asked if I can get my stuff and asked him all these questions but I had gotten no response just a leave me alone. So I just not sure what to do and just hope maybe now,maybe one day,or maybe never again we can be together once everything is straightened out. How could someone do something to someone that treats them so great like I did?

Updates:
ughh this is so stressful. what do I do?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hello, I am in the same situation as you are. College changes people, but it also made us realize what is really important in our lives. When guys enter college and needs to focus on what he needs to do (academics, jobs, etc), they will automatically push the thing that he feels is using up the most of his time, you (the girlfriend). There has been many instances where the guy will finally realize that he has made a mistake, but it is not something you can control. The best thing I can tell you to do right now is to let go and stay out of his life so he will realize how life will be without you. Sure, he might find someone else, but if you really are as important to him as he is to you, he will find himself to start comparing his new girlfriend and you. Most of the time, guys will settle down when he sees that the partying is going no where. Guys need to have something solid and stable to hang on to. They are very fickle and confused human beings, one day they will like you and one day they will feel that you are the reason for him not having fun. But that will all pass once college mode ends. It might take a few months or even a year (my friend realizes this after 1.5 years). Just hang on there and do things that you like to do. Avoid him if possible and DO NOT beg him back. Begging will make you seem helpless and desperate. I hope this helps. Moving on is possible.

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    • Thanks it does help. its been 2 weeks and still he's not talking to me.i sent him a message last night saying sum things likei missed him and said I want my stuff bk if you don't want nething to do with me nemore wich I shouldn't have but I did. but no answer yet. and yes he is in super part mode now seems like that's all he's been doing hope it ends soon.he was someone special to me and I hope one day he comes back and sees just how much I love him and do for him. I do everything cook etc but guess

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    • Thanks yes I have not contacted himand it has been around 17 days sice we talked he finally answered me on facebook yesyerday and had sum things to say to me relating to what he thinkks I'm doing when I'm not withhim now. he said seems like your having fun etc and doing things with random guys. so I don't know where he's getting that from because I'm not I think it dervies from his past because his ex cheate don him alot. but I'm not sure I write him back and no response yet but hopefully I kan see him soon seems lik

    • He is comming around a little bit so we will see what happens.he said he doesn't know when I said I wanted him bak because he said I seem to be having a great time without him. but I don't know ill see what happnes thanks!!!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • let him go

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  • Its not about how you treated him, he wants a break from the relationship for some reason, maybe he met someone else, mabye he was thinking about long term with you and can't see it, or he doesn't like something about you or the issues that you have had. Give him some time and space if he wants to talk with you he will contact you...

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    • Thanks! that's what I'm doing no contact its so hard tho. but every time we had a fight or what not I left him alone and he was always the one who got in contact with me so I'm waiting. this all happend so sudden thought mb he was drunk but idk.and yea I have seen him a lot so he needs time apart to do school/work and hang with freinds I just wanna b included because I see him in my future but hope it works out because I really love him. but we will see soon thanks for the advice!!!!

What Girls Said 4

  • " I just need time for my self and not have to worry about anything else including me getting drunk and/or worried about something happening"

    what's this about? sounds to me like he may want other things and just want to have a bit of fun, with no strings attached.

    i would take what he says as gospel for now, because to me he sounds quite angry... and I'm pretty convinced its nothing you've done, but maybe he's done something.

    Live your life for now, and I know its hard, but try and keep occupied and leave him out of your thoughts.

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  • And just for a good advice that I think everyone should take when they breakup is givng each other some time to cool off. Cooling period takes at least 3 weeks and it usually involves two people not contacting each other at all. Of course you miss him, but if he is adamant on not taking you back, telling him that you still miss him is not going to change anything (in fact, it will make him defensive). There is a reason why you guys broke up in the first place and these mistakes will not be fixed overnight. In order to make this work again, you both need to be ready to commit again to this relationship. You might be ready, but is he? Please please please trust me. And avoid contact with him, let him be the one to decide for himself***. The point is, if he is not ready, he will leave you again even if you ask him back. Here is a link that I think might be helpful: link In order to think about getting back, you need to start thinking about how you can improve yourself, because no guys like to see a clingy ex. Getting back together does work! But it takes time, a long time, but in the end, it is worth it :)

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    • Hmm...I don't think going to clubs are a good idea to begin with...but that is just because I am an introvert. But maybe he wants to see that you actually care about him. If I were you, I would do something that shows my positive side, volunteering, hanging out with family, and such. That way, he will get the notion that you are having fun, but not fun as in clubbing, drinking kind of fun. But then again, I am an introvert so that is just my opinion.

    • Thanks!! yes I only went out like once to the bar and that's it. I have been busy with school and work and just physically stressed. its going on 3 week this week I think so I hope as you said it takes about 3 weeks. seems like he was comming arounf but I don't know whern I talked to him the last time eventho he thinks I have been doing things with other guys and having too much fun withouthim eventho every night he goes out and drinks and gets drunk with freinds and who knows if he's doing things wiht gir

    • Girls. so I don't know I mean iv sent him messages after that trying to tell him I haven't been doing those things he has thought I was telling the truth and want him but idk. its up to him it seems like he wants me back but seems like his past is making him feel the way he is actingnow. his ex cheated on I'm 5 and more times so he still autimatically thinks things like that eventho I would/\, well see what happens just hope he comes around soon I miss him like crazzzy thanks!!

  • aw man that is rough. It sounds like he does want to experiment and sounds like he was scaried of cheating. He is in party mode right now (like alota guys our age) He should not have ended things that way. I would let him come to you. I feel as though if you try to talk to him that he'll just be mean and hurt you even more. I don't get how a guy could treat someone like that after dating them for two years I'm sorry am hope you find someone who treats you the way you treated this guy.

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    • Thank-you ill see what happens I'm going to leave him alone for a while and see if he contacts me first.usually if he gets mad at me and I dnt talk to him he makes the first move so who knows! 2 years is a long time and I dnt wanna give this up I love the guy to death and can see us in the future just hope he snaps out of party mode soon and sees just how god he has it with me.also I have a lot of stuff ay his house not sure when I kna get it or what's going on because he didn't say nething ug

  • That is rather confusing, saying he wants a break and then telling you he didn't want to see you anymore. He also mentioned about you being drunk, is there an alcohol issue here?

    Any time someone in a relationship asks for a break, there is something wrong with the relationship. If there were/are problems you should be able to talk it through instead of running away from the relationship.

    You are best leaving him to it for the time being. Have no contact for at least 3 weeks. I know it is hard and I know it is the toughest thing to do, but believe me it is the best option you have. In this 3 weeks, you need to look after yourself, keep busy, go out with friends and have fun, in general just do stuff. You could get yourself a new look and buy some clothes. By the time the 3 weeks are up, you contact him with something like, hi, just thought I would send you a text to ask how you are doing? :) and leave it at that and wait for his answer.

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    • Thanks! no no alcohol problem here.he was refferring to himself because when he's with his freinds they like to party and go out alot. I hate that in a sense but I guess he's inparty mode he's 22. and when he asked for the break it was because I was always around like everyday and he wasn't able to get school/work done.this semesters kind of crucial to him.but that didn't last long like 2 days.well see what happens if he contacts me in a day or 2. I love him and wanna work it out. I still see us being togetr

    • I a trying to keep occupied I went out the other night with my freinds and had a good time trying to keep my mnd off it eventho its hard. and I'm not the one running he is I'm fully commited to this relationship.maybe he wants to do things and get it all out I don't know not sure.just waiting to see when he contacts me. I still have all my stuff at his house and he dint say if I kan get it so well see what happens.thanks for the advice

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