Has anyone here cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend and not regretted it?

There's always this thing I find with people. When you cheat our society anyway tells you you're supposed to feel guilty. I just wonder if there's any of you all who don't besides me. My friends don't approve generally, some of them agree with me though. I'm a believer in "what they don't know won't hurt them." I guess I 'll get called a whore for this but let me explain what's going on right now. I have one guy who I've been in an official relationship with for a very long time. I guess he is the one that people would see as the main course ya know? We have helped each other through some intense sh*t, we lived together for a while, etc. I genuinely can say that I love him and would do (and have done) things for him that I wouldn't do for very many people on this earth. Now on to my side dishes. How many? Too many to go through here. I do cheat A LOT and I'd say I have been cheating on him for a large portion of our relationship. By cheat I mean have sex with other men and spend time with them. Lots of sex though mainly. I think in my mind I'm separating the love, friendship, romance, etc. I have with him from the sex I have with these other men. I do have sex with him still but I don't love these other guys that I'm f***ing as well. It's like my heart belongs to him and that's our relationship and I would never betray that emotional devotion I have to him (though I do believe you can be in love with more than one person at a time but I'm just not) but I still feel like my body should be free.That's kind of why I don't regret cheating or feel guilty. I think if I don't stop and he somehow finds out then I'll be devastated that he left me though. Anyone else out here in cyber land agree with me ? It's fine if you don't, I don't expect many people to understand me. I'm just putting this out there for consideration that's all.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Society is telling you to feel guilty? No no no, your significant other is the one hurt by your actions that should make you feel guilty. What's this have anything to do with "society?". If you talked to your boyfriend about this, and he's okay with you having sex with other men while in a relationship with him, then that's obviously fine it's yours and his choice then. But if he is hurt by your actions it shouldn't matter how -you- feel on it, the person you love is being crushed by what you are doing, that alone should either make you stop, or never do it in the first place. I'll be honest, I'd be very hurt if my girlfriend cheated on me, and if she said she loved me, I'd call her a liar and show her the door. If she really loved me, she wouldn't have had the ability to hurt me in such a way, thus I would not believe her.

    "What they don't know won't hurt them" only works until they find out, then it turns around and becomes more hurtful you are keeping things secretive, which violates a big need in many people's relationships, trust.

    Again, I only agree with you if your relationship is open to these things, both people know and accept what the other is doing.

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    • Well...society and culture teach the general population how they are supposed to feel about relationships. If you live in a culture where monogamy is king, prostitution is illegal, religion is a heavy force, etc. then you are raised to think having sex with other people is wrong. society has a lot (if not everything) to do with how we are conditioned to respond to situations. If we were raised in a culture that believes what I believe most people would see relationships differently.

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    • Who might not agree, and would rather just not know. For me it would be living a relationship that is a lie. I fall in love with the person for who they are, and if they aren't who I think they are, then in true reality, I don't love them. I can get over a girl, I can get over a love, and find something that is -truly- what I'd see her as. But staying in a state of not knowing is living a love that isn't there, filling a heart with nothing but air.

    • And the moment I knew what was going on, my dream world would be crushed, air filled heart popped, and the more time and love sunk into the person would only make the pain on the inevitable day of finding what's really been happening, that much worse. Sorry for the emotional thing I just can't describe it well without going deep here. I'm not your boyfriend though (duh, lol), I don't know him at all, so this may NOT be the case with him, but if it was me personally, this is how it would turn out

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • If you like to have sex with other guys that much, why don't you talk to him about sex menage-a-trois or orgys or swing?

    You would meka sex with a stranger same way, but it wouldn't be cheating...

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  • you clearly have no morals. what goes around comes around

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  • Well it's like any lie, do you think lying's ok?

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    • Yes I do actually.not this but I'm usually honest.people lie all the time. you can lie to spare someones feelings (kind of what I'm doing now) you lie to your children all the time growing up to protect their innocence, we lie to each other about our darkest secrets, etc.. every single person commenting on my question judging me has lied about something or will lie about something. mine is a type of lie people don't like. but what about all the other lies? are we just picking lies to be okay with?

    • Oh so you're one of the people that would stay in the matrix, lol. You're going out with this guy and you've made it clear he thinks it's exclusive. You obviously don't care about him as much as you say or you'd have told him from the start. Lies don't erase the fact that the truth is there, just hide it from view. This means that side effects (see: STD transmission) can occur, you can't lie your way out of that.

      I don't think seeing other people is wrong if your partner knows you're...

    • ... not exclusive, but if he thinks you are then I disagree with it.

      Lying to protect people is only OK if it is beneficial to them even in the long term, e.g. preventing crippling mental trauma (don't ask me how lol). But cheating is always wrong,

  • I understand where your coming from, but if you really have that strong of a desire to sleep with other people then you should talk to your boyfriend about it and be in an open relationship. If he is OK with you sleeping with other people then there's nothing wrong with it. The problem is not that you are sleeping with other people. The problem is that you are going behind your boyfriend's back and betraying the trust he has with you. Its OK that you think your body should be free, but if your boyfriend doesn't think so, then that's a serious problem that you need to work out.

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  • Are you serious? You're a horrible person if you are.

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    • I am but I don't think this makes me a horrible person but okay.

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    • Yes, its all going over MY head. ha ha Oh wait...you're serious. Let me laugh even harder HAHAHA. I hope you get your just desserts one day.

    • Okay babe whatever you say.

What Girls Said 3

  • Would you mind if you found out he's doing the same thing to you? If not, then I guess (for your relationship at least) there's no problem. The lies are what get to me. Why even be in a relationship if you can't commit, you know? Lies kill relationships. Period. Either tell him now, or face the consequences later, because if you think he will never find out, you are sadly mistaken. Yes, he may be the only guy you love, but if you keep abusing his trust all you will be left with is your *shudder* "side dishes" when he finds out and leaves you. Really, do you not hear yourself? Read your question out loud and try to look at it from his point of view. If you are looking for people on here to assuage your guilt (or lack thereof, as it seems), you have come to the wrong place. My opinion is if you're not ready to have a mature, honest relationship, then don't.

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  • Oh, and I think a better aphorism than "What they don't know won't hurt them" would be "I can have my cake and eat it too," which is especially fitting seeing how you like to think of people in terms of food anyhow.

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  • I would NOT be able to do what you are doing.

    have you ever heard of "treat others the way you want to be treated"?

    How about if your boyfriend slept with numerous girls and didn't tell you, how would you feel?

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