How can I confront him if I think he's cheating?

I'm really hurt that the guy I'm dating might be sleeping with someone else. We've been dating for 8 months now. While things seem to be exclusive with us, we haven't had the exclusivity talk. That's the only reason I'm not sure if it would be considered cheating, but I feel like dating for this amount of time has to count for something. There haven't noticed any emotional changes with him, if anything he's more affectionate and sweet. No odd behavior, really. One thing he does that sometimes bothers me is that he'll be "out with the guys" and will text me to check in (say hi, see how my day was/night is and what I'm up to). I'll reply and it will take him ages to get back to me. It's not like I'm checking up on him- I don't want to be that girl that constantly checks in during guys night out. We go out a few times a week, I always stay over at his place. I know this doesn't mean much, if a guy is going to cheat, he will find a way. I like to think he is a fairly honest, good guy. The only "proof" I have is that he keeps box of condoms in his nightstand. We used to use these before I went on the pill. The other day, I went to grab something from this drawer and noticed that the condom stash was a couple of condoms short. My heart sunk when I saw this. I don't even know if I have the right to be upset about this, being that the talk hasn't been had. Again though, we have been dating for a fair amount of time and it's not like it's too soon. I really need some advice on how to approach this-

A) actually bringing up the whole "what are we doing/are you seeing and sleeping with other people" talk. I've never had to initiate this before and I don't care who it's with, it scares me!

B) confronting him on possible sleepovers with others. I don't know if my proof is solid enough to accuse.

Sorry this is so long. I'm really sad about this and It helps to even type it out! Thanks for reading and I look forward to your bits of advice.

OOPS! One more thing: he doesn't run and hide whenever he gets a text or phone call. He will actually say out loud who is texting him and what they are texting about. Over compensation for something?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you sleep with a guy before you are in an exclusive relationship, well it's open season for either one of you to see another person. Yes, I know, you shouldn't, but it has been 8 months, he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend or have any other talk that you seem to be offering as evidence that you two are exclusive, so he has truly left his options open to see other girls.

    At 8 months I think it is time to have a talk with him. Now, of course, if you are afraid that he will end your arrangement from a talk and you are not prepared for that to happen, then continue on without the talk and see what happens, but really, don't you deserve better for yourself?

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    • I agree with everything you are saying, which is why I'm not even sure I am in the right with being upset. Of course, I can't deny that I am. Things just sort of evolved and it felt like we were a couple. I know we need to have the talk, but I'm just nervous about it. Have you ever been the one to initiate that? If so, how did you bring it up?

    • Yes, I have, but I go in to it being 100% okay with it not working out. Face it, the talk is a time for both of you to be honest and he could let you know he isn't ready for that. What will you do if he isn't on board with a relationship? I doubt he will then say he doesn't want to see you anymore but it will be out in the open that he is open to have sex with others. Of course, it could be great and he could ask you to be his girl. You don't know until you ask.

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What Guys Said 1

  • does he show you the texts ? do you think its one night stands or a relationship would it matter to you ? I think the missing condoms would be enough to ask id try and do some more checking find out his passwords for his websites look at his phone while he's asleep something else so you know for sure I'm on the other side of the issue I caught my Girlfriend cheating and lying to me after 6 months of an afrair now I don't know if I want to stay in the relationship or not how can I ever trust her again she shows me her phone and even has given me her password to look at her phone records on line which can't be altered or changed but if there is a will there is a way there are instant message servers like skype that don't record phone calls or messages well good luck

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    • I'm really sorry about your GF. A one night stand or a relationship would bother me equally. He doesn't shove his phone in my face, but he is usually next to me and within view, like he's trying to show me that he has nothing to hide. I'm not smooth enough to go snooping. I don't really get any opportunities to and with my luck, I'd get caught. How did you confront your GF? I'm trying not to come off as paranoid or confrontational. No easy task in my case! :p

What Girls Said 1

  • if you are not exclusive and haven't made that talk, then technically you are not exclusive and he can always say he can do whatever he wants. I'm sorry you feel that way, but you shouldn't have invested so much into a guy who hasn't committed to you.

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    • All valid points. I totally get what you are alI saying and I'm not disagreeing, but I guess that part of the question that is still going unanswered for me is about how I bring this up to him without it being like I'm attacking him. Any thoughts?

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