My girlfriend of 3 years is cheating on me (again), I was ready to propose?

So here's the deal. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years.

3 months into our relationship, on Christmas Eve, she made out with her ex-boyfriend while I was out of sight. She fessed up to this later, tears and pleading ensued, and we decided to put it behind us.

About 2 years into our relationship, I was SUPER busy with work, working 70 hours per week for about a month. During this time, I also was sent overseas for my job for a week. While I was away, she fooled around with another guy, making out and pleasuring themselves together (no sex, she swears).

She fessed up to this as well, but blamed me, saying that I was neglecting her and not giving her enough attention while I was working (she wasn't working at the time, and was out of college, so she had 100% free time).

We had the giant fight, yeah, THAT one, screaming tears, etc etc, she swore nothing like that would ever happen again, and I apologized to her for not giving her enough attention, while she apologized for overreacting to it.

Fast forward to last week. Things are going great, sex life is fine, we're both happy, looking for a house, engagement ring shopping, etc. She's working now too, and back in college. All is well. She meets a new friend at school, and is spending A LOT of time with him. That's not like her.

I'll admit. I snooped. Many text messages back and forth, saying they love each other, and then another where they talk about how the had sex the other night. Great...

We had some friends over the other night, and he was there as well. I was the DD, so I had to take someone home at the end of the night. Out of curiosity, I set up my phone to record audio while I was away (20 minutes). I came back, listened to the audio, and they had sex in the 20 MINUTES while I was gone.

Unbelievable. Anyway, at all other times, she's still fully lovey dovey with me, talking about our future, our upcoming anniversary, the holidays, marriage, etc -- like everything is fine. I play it cool, she has no idea that I know.

We really do love each other very very much. We've been through a lot, have a lot in common, and like I said, were talking about marriage. Been together THREE YEARS. Is this the last straw? Another chance? Is she just getting cold feet and looking for one last hurrah, or is it once a cheater always a cheater?

It'd kill me to be alone again, and realize that I've wasted 3 years of my life. I've given everything for this girl...

Just need some advice from a neutral party and a clear head, because I'm pretty messed up right now.

Thanks, people.

Updates:
I really appreciate the support and advice. I did it. Called her out on it, had to drag out the confession, and ended it on the spot. As was predicted, there was a LOT of begging, crying, and apologizing, but yeah, enough is enough. Life restarts now.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It should be the last straw. Seriously move on. I don't believe that once a cheater always a cheater. But it's like "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" She has fooled you 3 times now. That should be enough of being hurt and you have good reasons to end it. The worst part is that she's just going on as if nothing has happened. As if everything is perfect. Being cheated on once, I think you should give her another chance like you did. Second time though? No, I think you should had ended it. Third time? Of course, end it. Find another girl that will not cheat on you. It's obvious that she's not ready for a relationship and to be committed unlike you. Please, as someone who has been cheated on before, once is enough even if it's not with sex, but three times? That's ridiculous. Just end it. And it's not wasting you're time. It was knowing what you should and shouldn't do in a relationship so when you're in a FULL COMMITTED one, mistakes that you made in this one, won't be in the next one.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I agree with ilyurbella, that really should be the last straw. Before I could understand fixing things, but obviously she's just going to keep pulling sh*t like that and that's not love. You should move on and find someone who will treat you well, because obviously she can't seem to do that. Yeah that is a long time to be with someone, but sometimes it takes awhile to truly see how a person is. It would be better to move on now instead of spending anymore time with someone who doesn't appreciate you and is hurting you like this.

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  • I know this was a long time ago, but I'm going to comment anyway. I'm glad you ended things with her. I know it sucks to be alone. but if she cheats on you once then she will do it again and she did. I had a boyfriend who was busy with work and such, but I understood that. However, I'm in school full time. However, there was no excuse for her to cheat on you. There is no excuse for cheating...even if you're drunk. You deserve to be with a girl who will write you love letters when you're away from work and someone who will send you text messages saying how much they miss you. I know a lot of guys who put up with cheating in relationships and the girl being a bitch to them, but why?

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  • I'm gonna get real with you.

    YOU HAVE GIVEN HER TOO MUCH POWER OVER YOU, THAT'S WHY.

    That and it seems like you don't have the confidence in yourself to get someone better, who won't hurt you.

    You can't let a girl's interest in you dip lower than 40%

    If she's really treating you like this, you need to break it off.

    I know you must love her a lot, but you need to let her go.

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  • :( this must me really hard for you since you love her that mutch. but seriousley when you read through what you have written isn't it kind of obvious? since you stayed with her through all that I'm sure you are a nice guy and really deserve mutch more respect. you look like a fool staying with her, be a man and dump her. she should understand? And you know: if you done it once you will do it again- which she has and she will again. just face it, its a pattern that will follow her. Leave her.

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  • If you marry her. She'll cheat. And divorce is more money then a wedding dress. She doesn't love you at all. Cheating is disrespectful. She doesn't care how you feel. Or that you could get a sexual transmitted disease. You seem like a very good guy. Why waste your time on someone who doesn't love you the way you love her. I was with my ex for six years. Engaged and all. We aren't together. But I rather have a real love then a fairy tale.

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  • Man, I'm glad you ended it. It's better to "waste" 3 years of your life than after being married for years knowing that she still cheats on you.

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  • I'm really happy for you. Not that your relationship just ended, because I understand that is always very difficult. But I'm glad that you are now not in a relationship with someone who treated you so badly. Now you can move on and find someone that will truly love you and appreciate you. Good luck! =]

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  • Why be so jealous and possessive? Try accepting that you are going to share her with her other boyfriends. Maybe you'll find it more fun to have two or three girlfriends than just one, just as she would rather have two or three boyfriends.

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  • GOOD FOR You MAN! GOOD FOR U!

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  • Hope things get better for you now she is gone,.. you seem like a great guy and you deserve better, good luck in the future all the same :]

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What Guys Said 12

  • Do not marry someone like that, because divorce will be way worse than a break-up. She f*cked another guy in your house. Dude, seriously. Kick her out. You want to touch her again? The loss you will be going through in the next few months will be nothing compared to the self hate you will endure if you allow yourself to be treated like this - plus if this is how she behaves her word has about as much weight as a feather. Some plp are like this, they are so weak they cannot be honest. Ditch her man, please. And once you kick her out never speak to her ever again.

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  • Good for you man. Keep strong. Do not talk to her. Don't let your own doubts take you back into that horrorshow. Best of luck dude.

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  • She doesn't deserve you - hard as it is, you don't deserve to get hurt by it.

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  • Wow man, I don't know how you stayed around after even the first or second time. That is way too much to put up with. I don't need to type out some long article of advice, LEAVE HER IN A HURRY! She sounds pathetic to treat you like she has. Tell her to take her little girl games to someone else. You will be much better off without someone hurting you like this. Good luck man.

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  • Break up with her. If that was me I would have broken up the first time. There's not going to be any trust and to me she seems like she will continue to cheat. When you break up with her she will probably start crying, don't give in and tell her you have had enough of her bull sh*t. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

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  • Three years, three cheats.

    How many years is it going to take before you divorce her? A new guy each year?

    Sorry to sound brutal and I don't mean to offend you but she's a family tragedy waiting to happen.

    Best cut your losses, return the ring and use the money to treat yourself to a vacation or something.

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  • you should have left her the first time man

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  • Not being funny but she doesn't love you. Are you for real, thinking she does. What made you propose to someone that kept on cheating you. It has to said but this is your fault letting carry on this far. Your lucky you never did get to the wedding.

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  • GRATZ!

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  • Good for you, I hope she feels like crap

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  • dump her on a hard way and move on fella

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  • mate, I'm not gonna lie, giving her a chance was being nice enough, end it, and don't go back

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