Recently broke up - need some advice?

Hey everyone,

My girlfriend and I broke up recently and I need some advice as I'm quite confused. Here is the story, ill try and keep it brief...

We have been going out for about 4 years (4 in October), and throughout have had smooth sailing. We spoke of soul mates, true love, marriage and growing old together, all things that very involved couples do. We are still young, 23/24, however were quite involved. We would literally spend all the time we could together. I will say one thing, we smoke weed, and have done since we met, its not a foundation or anything to our relationship, but more on that in a bit.

Anyway, last March we got into a fight over me not wanting to go see her family that day. I had a big night out the night before, was shattered and hung over and really not feeling right. Anyway, it blew up to a point where she said that we should go on a break. I then go away for a month on business anyways, only to find out that 3 months before that an ex of hers met up with her and made a move. She resisted, but had been playing with the idea heavily.

Obviously that shocked me, I told her to make a choice, and she said me and reiterated the love etc. Then fast forward to a few weeks ago from now, I thought everything was cool, though knowing she is incredibly stressed in her job. She calls and says we need a break or to breakup as she runs away from her problems by coming to stay with me. She effectively hides from getting a new job and sorting her future out because I am an easy escape. She also said how she uses me as an excuse not to do things, then in her head demonizes me for being the reason she doesn't as she is too comfortable. She can too easily come to mine, smoke a bit and forget her troubles.

Obviously it took me by surprise, I went to hers, talked to her, said I was there to support her, but am hurt that I'm not with her to help her through it. She said she still loves me, and sees our future together, she doesn't know when until she sorts herself out.

Day later she was texting saying she missed me and wished she was strong like me etc., and that she loves me so much etc., I responded saying I love her too and I'm here if she needs, but she should be strong.. Since its been texts everyday ending with 'i love you xxxx' etc., but we are broken up. I m confused! I met up with her a week ago and we chatted nicely and clicked, when we said goodbye we kissed and embraced, then I had to go on business again. Now I am still away, and still confused. Quite hurt as she did dump me, but the I love yous and kisses etc add to confusion. Coupled with the occasional I miss yous and phone calls...

I still think she may have a physical attraction to that ex she met up with, and found a note to self thing she had left herself on a laptop I leaned her dated way back then after he met her. It was her thinking it through in journal type form, obviously considering being with him, but was ages ago, and I somewhat knew about that... help!

Updates:
Also another thing, she says that she used to get mad at me, in her head though, when I would give her advice, like I was telling her what to do and she didn't like that. When we talked during the actual break up she said how she would think it
...but know it was wrong and had to get those thoughts out her head.. though I still think its just an easier way for her to let go of me.. her needing space isn't something I can really fight against, quite frustrating...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok so I wrote this whole long thing and then it error out. So this is going to be a bit shorter. I am going through everything you are. I mean everything I'm 22, been with my man for 4 years, talk about marring and all that. My job is sh*t but I have worked here for 7 years and I'm to comfortable to look for a new on ( scared) I resisted an ex and thought what it would be like with someone else or with no one. Except I have not broken up with my boyfriend. I felt tract in my relationship. Lost all my friends I never go out and I'm always with my boyfriend. I never have time to my self. You go away on business trip it sounds like. Maybe she is having a hard time with that. Me I feel trap in a cage with my boyfriend and I have no space. Be backed off after we talked and I have more space. I don't want to leave the cage just need space. I use to look and see where my friends are. They are spending money like crazy and I'm struggling with money. You can see how I feel like my life is crap. But they are single and spending money. They are lonely and with they had what I have with my boyfriend. There is always pros and cons to something. You have to take what you have and enjoy it. You can't compare your life to your friends because they might look happy but there is something you have that they want . She needs to see what she has and love it and not think of what she does not have. That's what I had to do. I am much happier and things are looking up in my life. I think she loves you and maybe just feels like she is missing out on other things because she got involved so young. She needs to look at what she would have missed if she never got with you. I hope this helps if you want anything else let me know.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I get the say way. My man will always correct me nothing is right. I clean and there is something I didn't do. I would get mad but not express it because I did not want to cause us to fight. It eats at you if you don't say something. Then you have a big blow up that might result in a bigger fight that it needs to be. She needs to not hold in and just let you know how she feels. You need to listen and try to understand her side. Maybe she is getting mad over nothing or maybe you are doing something to make her mad. You both need to be open minded and admit fault if its your fault. Everyone has problems they just need to be brought up and worked on.

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What Guys Said 1

  • look man I think you should make her realize that you do really love her, not through text but in person. don't make it in a way that she would freak out but tell her straight out man. actually she was wrong about it but at least the time you gotten better you should have went to meet her parents. every girl will be happy if the boyfriend meets her parents. just work it out with her and make her understand it wasn't your fault but it was the hangover. and the hangover really is a btch when you wake up. the only advice I can give you man is make her understand and make up for the time you didn't went to see her parents. and I hope this helps.

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