Is it time to just let go and basically tell her that she's lost her chance?

this girl I've been kinda seeing for the last few months tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, and she knows that I like her as more than a friend. anyways I thought she was worth waiting for and I'm a nice guy, I always do things for her and I'm always there for her. but recently I'm beginning to just think, nothing will ever happen, no matter how much I show her, not just tell her, show her through numerous actions the type of guy I am, one that will be there for her through hard times, support her, etc etc it seems she's the same like all girls. just stringing me along because she likes the attention and maybe waiting for better.

i guess tonight was just a wake up call, I'm done. another one bites the dust, a good guy giving up because a girl doesn't realize what a great guy she could of had as a boyfriend. I know all those sayings, "if she's worth it, wait till she's ready" and I've been super patient, but I'm also just a man for god's sake, I can't wait half a year, a year, years for her to be ready and in the meantime treat her life a girlfriend while she treats me like a back burner friend. that's like going to work without getting a paycheck... so basically I'm about to tell her tomorrow, I'm done, I'm finally giving up, you win.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry, but you screwed yourself. You're in the "friend zone" and there isn't much hope there - it's a hole that more than likely you cannot dig yourself out of - you see, you gave yourself to her while asking for nothing in return, so of course she took you for granted. It's like when girls post up on here about how their retarded F-buddy doesn't appreciate them - of course he doesn't appreciate you, you sold yourself to him as a whore. The same is true for you; you did everything for her without asking for anything in return, and kept doing it even after she told you that she "doesn't want a relationship".

    Here's what you do:

    First off, quit seeing her, helping her, calling her, talking online whatever - if she contacts you that is okay but don't do a damned thing for her. You are not her robot, you are not a slave nor are you a household appliance - be a man. Secondly, start dating - spend some time looking at the girls you were ignoring because you were hoping for Ms. Beautiful Manipulator to come to her senses (which hopefully you now realize isn't gonna happen - if it does, buy lottery tickets!). These are things you MUST DO because if you don't you will still find yourself stuck with her and unhappy, and you don't want that now do you?

    If you do this you'll find yourself meeting other girls and having fun again, and she will be searching for some other sap to talk to on the phone at night.

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    • Also, don't tell her that you're leaving, she's lost her chance whatever - don't say a damned thing. Just quit seeing her.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Do you want a pat on the back or something?

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  • it sounds like you are doing this girls favors in exchange for affection. like if you keep trying and showing her how "good" you are, that she will want to be with you. I'm sorry but you should have been more assertive in the earlier stages. you don't have to be Prince Valiant to get a girl. it makes you seem kind of whiny to be honest that you are going to call her and tell her she lost her chance because she didn't do what you wanted her to do. most girls like direct guys who are obvious about their intentions. instead of showing her through whatever numerous actions you did, why didn't you flirt with her? ask her out? pursue her? that would have gotten you a lot farther with her than what you did. I hope you don't take offense to this, I'm sorry that things didn't work out with this girl but you can learn from this experience and now you know what not to do with the next girl

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    • I actually did ask her out and flirt with her, its just when I asked her if she wanted a relationship, basically be my girlfriend, she gave me that, I'm not sure I want a relationship right now.

    • Dude, she doesn't want you, she never wanted you - she led you on because she realized that she could use you for whatever needs she had, ie someone to talk to, hang out with when she's bored whatever. Just move on, find someone who actually likes you.

What Guys Said 2

  • From my experience men who call themselves "good guys" or "nice guys" scare women away for a few reasons...

    1) These guys are "being nice" in order to trade his efforts for her attention. He thinks that if he's nice to her she'll appreciate it and reciprocate it. Women don't like this. Nobody likes this. If you want to be nice and helpful, then do it because you're a caring person, not because you want her to like you in return.

    2) These guys get confused between "being nice" and "being a door mat who does what ever she wants so that she appreciates him." If you want to DATE her then you must be ATTRACTIVE. Being nice is friendly, not attractive. Attractive is about teasing and flirting and tension. Being NICE releases tension, which is kills attraction. If you want her interest, then be more interesting... not nicer.

    3) These guys don't escalate because they think "being nice" means "never touching or kissing her because it might make her feel uncomfortable."

    If you've really been "seeing her for the last few months" and she STILL doesn't know you like her as more than just a friend then you've been p**** footing around. ESCALATE. You have exactly three dates to hold her hand (even if it's to cross the street, or to read her palm) and to kiss her. After three dates of doing nothing you're stuck in the friend-zone. You're screwed.

    Next time be more fun, more obvious, and more flirty... and less needy, friendly, or indecisive.

    It's better to escalate and scare her away after two dates than it is to wait around like a lost puppy for months "hoping" she'll like you too.

    Thanks for the post!

    ~ Robby

    My blog ( link )

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  • Yea, just move on. Once she notices that you gave up she might start contacting you because she wants attention to make her feel good

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