Best way to move on? and how to fill your time?

The first thing I need to do with this breakup is try my HARDEST *NOT* to search for him. When we've broken up in the past, I'll go checking Facebook, dating sites, etc. Worse, I know a password to one of his emails and now it haunts me to go and look, but I know this is fruitless and unproductive. He was never an honest or truly decent person, he was very destructive in fact. But how do you just stop doing the "snooping"? And HOW do you forget the person and wake up happy and productive each day? If any of you knew the circumstances of this relationship you'd ask me WHY I even had a problem erasing this guy from my mind - he was a liar, deceiver, manipulator (his last EX even wrote - in a letter I happened to read - that a leopard never changes its spots. Should have taken the hint as it was SO true). I have no one to blame for my heart ache but ME. I saw MANY red flags early on but I ignored them. Stupid. I just want to move on and be happy again. I've embarrassed myself (and been embarrassed by) this relationship for long enough. Any advice would be appreciated Thank you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think "snooping" is just a natural instinct for girls! I personally feel guys aren't always 100% honest and the only way you can find that out is through snooping. The only thing is, breakups are hard. Every time you see a picture, status update, or something involving them it opens up a soft spot in your heart. No matter how bad the guy was, he was still apart of your life for quite some time, so it is hard to just let that go. The best advice I can give is to mentally let him go. During one of my break ups, I made a list of reasons why I wouldn't want to date my guy. I would continually look at that list when I missed him, so I felt better. The annoying thing is, as time goes on, you forget why you were mad or why you didn't want to date him. That's why it is good to write it down. Also, you need to fill your time with other things. I know it's hard. And I know that whatever you're doing, you wished he was doing it with you. But luckily time heals EVERYTHING! The best advice I ever got was that in a year, this won't matter. It's a year you won't feel this way. Good luck with the breakup, I know it's challening...but you will realize your strength through this hard time.

    • FLgirl11...thank u. Everything you said is how I feel - esp. about wanting 2 do things w/him instead of alone. I wish I knew WHY I had ANY feelings. I know 4 a fact he lied (a lot). Remember the email pw I said I had? Last week I *did* look at his account & found an email he wrote to a guy I believe was in his anger mgmt class. It said (in part) "Look what happened 2 me because my ex didn't take her lithium that day". 1st, we werent broken up. 2nd, he was referring to my calling the cops because he HIT me.

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  • From personal experience, I think the snooping around comes from a deep down desire to find out that you were wrong about what a jerk he is and to see if there is a chance he wishes things could work out because that is what you want. No one wants to believe that their partner is an a-hole, so we keep telling ourselves that things will get better. But now that you are out of the relationship and you are able to verbalize how wrong he is for you, I think that will help you to not look back. You have to look forward and hope for the best. It's easier said than done, but you have to stop yourself when you start thinking about the past you two shared and try to replace those thoughts with what you hope your future will be like.

    If you haven't read it yet, you should read "The Secret." It teaches you to reframe the way you think in order to bring positivity into your life.

    I wish you luck, sweetie :)

    • Thank u, Chica ... that's how I feel. Only difference (from the past) is now I want 2 prove I was RIGHT & he is an a-hole. I ALWAYS gave him the benefit of the doubt & believed his sweet talk - and each & every time it smacked me in the face. Its so painful when you truly love someone 2 know you most likely meant very little 2 them & that they were using you for their own benefit - in my case, to help him lessen his trouble w/the court as I called the cops last year after he hit me, now he's in trouble

  • Hi, I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I had a very similar thing with an ex. One thing helped me a lot, it was reading a book. The book totally put things in perspective and answered many of my questions. I still deal with some of my baggage but I understand things better. I'd be happy to share more with you. Can you send me a private message? Please forgive me if this sounds creepy, that I'm asking you to send me a message, but this is still a soft spot in me that I would rather share only with a person who I know understands. (I'd message you, but you're under anonymous)

  • this is how I feel 2

    • Hey Jess ... well, at least know there are others of us who are going through the same thing. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk. I'd rather get this out of my system than to be wasting time snooping or thinking about a person who doesn't deserve my time.

    • Okay so this guy finally talked to me and send me a text asking if I hatted him and I tried to play it cool like nothing happened and he went on sayin that he thought I was mad at him and that he wanted to talk to me and wanted to make this something serious and so on but I have my guards up cause I'm scared he will just stop talking to me again

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