How do you break up with someone you love?

Things aren’t working out anymore. I love my boyfriend- but I realize my love for him isn’t enough.

We have been in a vicious cycle of fights and arguing, he doesn’t want to do this anymore and who am I to hold him back? I love him with all my heart, but I know I can’t make him happy and I’m dragging him down.

We haven’t broken up yet, but he said he thinks it’d be better to be friends, that I was his best friend in the world and that he’d support me endlessly. I know he cares for me, that at least at one point we were in love, but being his friend would break my heart even more.

I don’t want to be his friend, I want all of him, but he’s not willing to give me that anymore. but more importantly, I want his happiness- more than anything, and I know Im not making him happy anymore, I can see him suffocating in this relationship, and I know that I have to let him go.

He keeps telling me he wants to be a part of my life, that he’ll never just leave me, that I mean too much to him to ever do that. But I can’t do that to myself, seeing him and not being with him would feel artificial and a lie.
I told him that I couldn’t ever just see him as a friend, that I love him in a different way, but he wanted to convince me that we could make it work- that it’d be better. I want to leave for him, for his happiness and because I love him. But I can’t stay his friend because I love myself too much to put myself through that pain.

I don’t know how to say these things to him, and be sure he knows I’m coming from a place of love and caring. I don’t know how to explain that although he’s my best friend, I can’t just be his friend. I don’t want to hurt him, but I know he’s hurting being with me. I only want to do this because I love him and want the best for him- because that’s what he deserves.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have nothing to say because i`m in a similar but different situation but i`ll say this. When we did sorta break up my depression came back worse than the first time i had it (i beat it once). It is the fucking worst thing imaginable so what i suggest is never actually say you broke up to each other or friends. Just be friends witought saying it. Your relationship will fluctuate a lot until eventually you will get back to the friendship state of being. Putting up titles like lovers and then having to take them down is harsh, it`s better to just not think about what you are to him or what he is to you and be friends.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't have it both ways. In what way is he is giving his all in the relationship? If you mean sexually, forget it. That should ONLY be done in a marriage. Other than that, what more do you want from him? There is nothing you can do except say it's over. If it's not working, then it wasn't meant to be. A great romantic couple must also be good friends. If you both value that then what is the problem being his friend? Just end it and move on. Stop being selfish. If you have differents values it must end no matter what you feel. And you have to do it dispite what you feel. You both made it clear that it can't work. Do something, or else he will by eventually finding somebody else.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Tell him that. Whether you stay with him or leave will cause both of you pain, but there is no chance of happiness for either of you should you remain together. It's the worst thing for both of you, even if he can't see it now. Important, tell him that you love him and that's why it's so hard, but that's also why you have to do it.

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  • Just have to rip the band aid off. It's hard. I cried for a week straight (hell, even months after) after I broke up w/ my ex while still loving her.

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  • Fast forward to about a year from now after the tennis match of breakups and ex sex! Always great learning cause u finally separate the love and sex.. and you get? Aggravated Hate fucking fighting new positions.. humiliation public orgasm with spontaneous strange dick sneaking in for a poke. Oh sorry I digress you'll find u have no fight left no ideas for better sex. He went to far with the c word so dirty talks gone and your feeling guilty cause u don't know how to tell him u been sharing his best friends dick with ur other newly cock comfortable teen sluT praising their gagging skills for the compition and it's too late to ditch DIRK DIGGERS since she can tongue his balls now with no hands nut she will send u a pic O ur shtty teeth scrapping g bj. she gave u 5 months earlier hahjah

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    • So moral of the story is gag on his buddies load immediately after break up and thir won't be the year lo g we r together we aren't to get her. . Bs.. he won't get to hate Fuck your peach of an ass but he will master ate a lot more sooooo you win!!

  • I know that it is hard for you now but Im sure that there is someone that will love you and someond that you will love even more than him.
    Breaking up is hard but maybe its for the best. You love him so let him be happy respect him and let him go. stay by his side as his friend and encourage him in life. You will find someone who loves you as much as you love him.
    as the moral says "There is plenty of fish in the sea"
    I hope it helped

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  • A: He already stated that he rather want to be friends - your relationship is already over, just accept it!

    B: Trying to be friends right after a break up when both or one of you still have feelings is just a mess. Take the time you need to get him out of your head, and after THAT you can consider to pick up the friendship.

    C: Don't worry. Your ability to love does NOT depend on any other person. It's inside yourself.

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  • Willpowah.

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  • Just be honest. Tell him the absolute truth, he deserves at least that much.

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  • it sounds like you should let him end it

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  • He defo never loved you etc. Sorry darling, don't kid yourself. Love is not so easy or lame.

    Don't say anything just stay away. After a month you'll be able to deal with the seperation and control fine even when he's around and talking. He'll learn.

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  • Maybe don't be in a relationship described as "vicious cycles"... if that's it then he is just wiser than you, if it's not then he's just gay

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  • How the fuck does he care about you when you said that you were constantly arguing. First off let me ask, what was the reason of your arguments?

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    • I think that we are at a point where we want different things. We’ve become stagnant and we’re moving in different directions. We’ve been trying to hold onto each other for too long, a lot of our fights being about what our relationship is, what it should be, and what our obligations are to each other. We both have very different answers to these questions, which is both of our faults, but also neither of our faults. We aren’t aligned anymore, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care.

    • Are you sure you do like him? I am asking because a friend of mine was in a similar situation. They "loved" each other but were constantly fighting.. I could see that she was sad although she didn't really confess. She didn't want to brake up although she even herself said that she wasn't sure if she loved him but finally she did (of course it wasn't easy) and finally she felt a lot better after breaking up. Then soon she found her new boyfriend which is a lot better and they are not arguing at all. That might not be your case but I thought I should mention it.

    • Maybe I will feel differently, once I’m away from the situation. But I have loved him relentlessly throughout the entire relationship, I have never doubted those feelings, even at our lowest points. At least right now, I feel like my actions are motivated mostly because I love him, I want to be with him, I would put myself through all the pain in the world to even just try and make things work, but I’m not willing to put him in that kind of pain anymore.

  • Tell him that

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  • You dont you wait for their hurt to turn in some way.

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  • No you don't want to hurt him but tell him

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What Girls Said 6

  • Just copy and paste what you wrote here and send it to him

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  • Just say that

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  • Ok I'm confused what Happened? what were the fights about and why are you so hard on yourself?

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    • We had a talk last night, not really a fight but neither of us left the conversation happy. I want more but he wants less, but doesn’t want to lose me altogether. I feel like we get upset with each other, mostly about the amount of time we spend together. he's a busy guy, and I do my best to respect it, but I do ask to see him still. He’s been having issues because since were dating he feels obligated to spend time with me, and said he only spent time with me now to keep me happy but, want him to see me because he wants to. Maybe he’s just not ready for the commitment I thought we had, but he brought up the idea of simply being friends, cutting out dating completely along with it’s obligations. I love him and I know he isn’t happy with me, which is why I feel the need to let him go, but I don’t know if I can be his friend because I love him as so much more than that. Hopefully that answers your question.

    • Yeah he sounds like he's not ready

  • You defend something that’s an illusion honestly. If a person wants to be with someone they will make time or will make up for it at one point - if he doesn’t something is wrong and he’s not being honest with you. Both of you act immature and that’s why your relationship isn’t working.

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  • I think it's best to end things and not stay friends because that will hurt you.
    You can't pretend being just friends agains as if nothing happened between you two and you're also not a plan B in case he changes his mind he gets back to you.
    Just tell him as much as you want to stay friends with him it's impossible to ignore all your feelings.
    Just slowly minimize your contact with him till you end up not talking anymore.
    Meanwhile focus on yourself and I'm sure you'll find some as great or even better that will make you forget about him.

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  • Just be honest and tell him exactly how you feel.

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