Is an open marriage the end?

My wife asked for an open marriage and i agreed. She immediately has a new man that she sees most nights and some days, while ignoring me. I don't stop her and instead try to find my own partner, with no luck. We talk about how I feel, but nothing changes. I'm extremely lonely without attention from my wife of 8 years. Is this the beginning of the end of my marriage?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This situation seems more like she was going to cheat and found a way for you to be okay with it.
    Having an open marriage usually is discussed before marriage even happens. Not suddenly so one of the peeps can run out and f someone else.
    If her whole demeanor towards you has changed and she no longer feels like your wife, then this is the beginning of the end

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sigh.
    When a female proposes an open relationship or marriage. She is already cheating on the man she is with and most definitely does not want to sneak around and hide it anymore.
    Men are divorce raped all the time in divorce courts and family courts. So do what you can to look out for yourself legally. Depending on the divorce laws of where you live it may be too late for you but you can still do damage control to minimise the fallout.
    If not you could end up losing everything including your house and having to pay for the home that she moves her boyfriend into.

    You are a cuckhold. May not want to become one but this is what your wife has done. If having an open relationship is what both of you want and is beneficial then should have embraced the swingers lifestyle.

    You should find some dignity and self respect for yourself and do what is in your best interest going forward.
    She is only with you for the financial or other benefits that being married gives her. But women don't have to be married to men anymore to have access to their money - resource - property etc... that is why Alimony divorce settlements are so lucrative.

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    • I agree. He agreed without thinking what he was truly agreeing to. I see so many women out there complaining about their husbands. And I WISH I had what they have. Smh, people are fucked and selfish and don't respect the vows they made.

    • @Bellydancer83 for most females that is just their nature. they will always be emotional creatures. the consequences of cheating has been removed socially and legally from females so it is not something most would think about.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 14

  • Sounds like she was looking for an excuse to cheat... and now that youve agreed she thinks its okay to be emotionally single without leaving the comfort zone of her home life

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  • Well, if you still have self respect then yes an open marriage is the end.

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    • wouldn't that apply only to people who place the majority of their 'self respect' on their vagina/dick, though?

    • @kaylaS91 where did you come to that conclusion? If your willing to hurt people, introduce drama and create an environment where you place physical pleasure over the well being of your relationship and the emotional well being of your partner, that's not self respect, that's self indulgence and selfishness. Having self respect is seeing that a person holds you in a lower regard then the ephemeral pleasure of an orgasm that lasts less then a minute. So yeah, she is correct if he has self respect he should end it.

    • @hellionthesagereborn
      That wasn't my conclusion. I'm asking @ElissaDido how she came to that conclusion.

  • Talk to her about it. Ask yourself whether, if you had or do find a side partner, would you be ok with the arrangement? Or would you still feel neglected by your wife? I think it could be hard for her to go back to a closed marriage now that the door has been opened but I don't think it's unreasonable to discuss this as an option at this point since its not working for you. Is this something you truly wanted? Is it contingent on both partners have a side partner? There are a lot of variables.

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  • It sounds to me she was an eager beaver to have an open relationship, and it doesn't sound like she wants to show you that attention unfortunately.

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  • It sounds like she's moved on from you but won't actually end it. You probably need to accept the fact that she is no longer interested in your marriage and just end it. You're unhappy and she shouldn't have even put you in that situation.

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  • Sounds like your marriage was over the moment you agreed to that. She might've had the guy all along, now you just made it okay for her to bring him around.

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  • Yes it is. Just end it. It is better to be alone than be in a relationship that makes you feel more alone.

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  • Open marriages can work but only when everyone feels included and loved. The second someone feels ignored or lonely it's all down hill.

    By the sounds of it I feel like this guy has been around for longer and now she just doesn't have to hide anymore. You deserve better than her.

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  • You agreed and now you can't get another and feeling butt hurt about it? Chances are if you found someone else you wouldn't give a fuck. With that said the excuses about marriage and last 150 years bla bla bla says quite a bit. Both of you are completely selfish, she wanted to get out of a guilty feeling for being a cheating bitch and you figured you could use that to go get some. Both of you should fuck right off. Marriage is NOT for cheating assholes.

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  • I think you and your wife would benefit from reading Opening Up by Tristan Taormino.

    I am sorry you're feeling this way. It doesn't have to be the end, but sometimes it should be, as painful as that is.

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  • Make her jealous she want you back hopefully

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  • I don't understand how a marriage can be open. I feel like there's a silent agreement that both people will be faithful.

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  • Marriage is not supposed to be open because it's a union between two people.

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    • Only in the last 150 years or so. Prior to that it was a union been a man and the property owned by a woman's family. The concept of marriage for love being societally acceptable/common is relatively recent and previously was a thing of fancy. That is why when a couple married did have love, it was considered so notable.

    • I do know several couples who are happy and in mutually open / poly relationships.

    • No, monogamy has been around for thousands of years, it had nothing to do with property where the hell did you get that? Their was a dowery that was paid yes, but that's because the man was taking on all the responsibilities of feeding another person, clothing them protecting them etc and this was to help him in that endevour. The vast majority married by choice, the rich had arranged marriages because they wanted to keep the money in the family but most people where not rich, most did not have weddings, it was just two people agreeing to be together.

  • If she is seeing the other guy more definitely but why have an open marriage they are stupid and grounds to cheat imho

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What Guys Said 24

  • Yes. You gave each other permission to cheat, and that's no different than saying "you don't satisfy me". And the fact that you rolled over for her on such a disgusting proposal will make you seem even less of a man to her than you already do. If she was happy, she never would have asked for it, and if you were happy and secure, you never would have agreed.

    It's a fine mess you've found yourself in. You should man-up and fix this instead of finding another woman to sleep with.

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  • Yes I am sorry to say that I believe your marriage is pretty much at it's end. That is not a bad thing. She had already stopped loving you before she asked for an open marriage. It sounds like she is shopping for a new husband to replace you. The good news is that if she finds a new man, she is more likely to not screw you over in a divorce.

    Once you are free from her, you will feel a lot better. There is a saying from Robin Williams that is very fitting for your situation. "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."

    You should focus on living your life for yourself. You clearly aren't getting anything out of your marriage, so you need to find other places to find your fulfillment. Go hang out with friends, go on vacation without her, learn a new skill. Just live your life, and don't feel like you need her approval or attention in order to be happy. No woman has the power to make you happy with your life. Only you have the power to make yourself happy.

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  • No, its the end not the beginning of the end. She decided sex with some one else was more important then you and what you needed. Instead of talking to you and dealing with what ever issues you two might of had she decided to check out and look for some one else. The fact that she doesn't care about how you feel, by your own admission shows that she is essentially using you as a security blanket, your her back up incase things go wrong with this other person, that's it. Its over and I'm sorry to have to say that to you. Either demand that she stop seeing this person and get counciling or get a divorce because otherwise your just going to be miserable with this issue never resolving.

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  • Divorce. You should have never agreed. See, she doesn't give a damn about you and she proved it by having someone on the ready. This us one of the reasons opening your marriage doesn't work because she's not putting anything into your marriage anymore. It only works when both partners agree and still put in the effort. You opened Pandora's box.

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  • Your marriage is already over. You just haven't accepted it yet. In my personal opinion you were a fool to eve agree to an open marriage. I'd call my divorce lawyer today.

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    • And do not tell her... she's going to rail road his ass for her new lover if he has anything or if they build together.

  • Be glad it is an open marriage. Otherwise you would not find out how she is. Just leave her. You are to good for her.
    I like the open relationsships for people who are not lovers but just support each other and can seek a lover.
    It is better then to be alone.
    At least for some that could be a good solution.

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  • There is nothing known as open marriage when the hell was that shit created
    If u can't be loyal to one girl then don't fucking marry (that's for everyone who thinks of open marriage not only u)

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    • You need to research the history of marriage then

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    • Your commenting in the wrong thread but, the consent about orientation rights is related to past history of marriage and an institution. Ask someone who studies social history and anthropology if you don't believe me.

      And no, I married my wife because I love her.

      The error I've seen here's is that I should have asked about my marriage alone, since people are interesting it as all marriages. I have no problem with open marriage as soon concept, because I would rather be there reason my other can sell it fulfillment than the reason she can never have it.

    • You lost me on the last sentence. If your wife is hearing your complaints and still ignoring you I don't think she loves you in the same way you love her. And I'm not replying to the wrong thread I just read what you said and brought it to this one. Again, because it happened before does not make it right now. And if you are missing the attention from your wife you are incredibly stupid sharing her with other men. I have also studied history, psychology and sociology and am happily married for 7 years.

  • Well open marriage is not a "marriage" at all, I don't care what the modern shit you will churn up but the concept of marriage was around with humanity for the very start,
    so yeah shit like this happen, when you give preference to Human creation over the "Gods creation" cuz you thought you are better than HIM and know better,
    Now "reap what you sow" but don't divorce that bitch and give your house but you should try to contact lawyer to save your share of money and house,
    I am promising you bitch will return with divorce warrant but by the time, you can't do a shit. There some ways over that property deal, contact the court or charge her for something,
    FIND THE FUCKING LAWYER your marriage is over now SAVE YOUR PROPERTY, She was fucking that guy for years but you made it official.

    Man, you are fucked up but there is time. Tell her if She want open marriage. She have to sign a document protecting your blood/sweat.

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  • Open marriage or open relationship is the synonym for authorized cheating. If you like to be cheated, go ahead, let it, but in my opinion this marriage is doomed right from the moment your wife started to think on "open marriage". Basically she want someone instead of you, but as you're giving the financial background, she doesn't want to separate from you, so she rather aims for "open marriage". Basically your wife wants the safety of your home, the financial background of yours... without you. Does this sound as a good marriage to you? In my eyes, this is the sign of a doomed relationship ran by a manipulative wife.

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  • Your wife is a piece of shit.

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  • Yes it is. She already had someone lined up and wanted to be with. You just gave her permission to do so. Now she's with a new guy without having to deal with the messiness of a divorce. Plus she's got a nice place to come back to. Right now, you're just a roommate who happens to be married to her.

    You're options are to
    A) end the open marriage (that won't go well)
    B) divorce her (also won't go well)
    C) accept your situation and try to find other women

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  • Why did she ask for an open marriage? I imagine your marriage was pretty tumultuous leading up to this. You guys ever go to couples counseling or anything like that?

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  • Your marriage was over a long time before she even brought up the "open marriage" topic. She has already checked out, but she wants to snag another man before cutting you loose completely. You need to hide away as much money as you can accumulate. Somewhere no one knows about. Anything in the house that you are especially fond of... hide it somewhere so she can't lay claim to it. Consider filing for divorce first.

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  • Seriously, it's obvious that in an open marriage scenario, the guy never wins. So she really sucked you in good with that one. I agree with Justacatlady, the wife probably had someone already lined up, but wanted to make you feel you had some say, even if you disagreed, I think she would have gone there. Personally I think get rid of her before she fucks you up.

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  • Personally, it would have ended the moment she asked.

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  • Did you actually want to have an open marriage?
    Did you discuss new ground rules for it?
    Have you told her this isn't working out for you?

    Even within the context of an open marriage, this sounds like an affair to me. But I also have no experience in an open or poly relationship. If you remain lonely and unhappy in your marriage I don't see how it can last. Hopefully you and your wife can figure a way to make this easier for you, otherwise it's going to end. Godspeed.

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  • Yes. She doesn't respect you and from what you've said so far it sounds like the reason is that you don't have a backbone.

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  • There's really no such thing as an "open marriage" - they're just roommates that (rarely, in your case) have sex with each other.

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  • In your case, yes, probably. Open marriages can work and they work for several people. But usually for it to work both people need to be into it since the beginning or at least on the same page about making it open. Which doesn't seem like the case. Sounds like it's something she wanted and you conceeded.

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  • Holy fuck that's a hard hitting question. I'm just a boy good luck tho.

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  • it was over the moment she asked

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  • This is why you don't agree to it unless you already have a partner lined up.

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  • Yes, it's over. She already had this man before she asked and once you gave her permission she can now openly cheat while having you there to support her financially. At this point you're nothing more than a wallet to her. She screwed you and you allowed it. If you want it to stop, cut her off the best you can financially and get a divorce. Try and find a good lawyer and hope that you don't get screwed even more in divorce court since the court already favors women.

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  • sure sounded like it, but you can keep trying and see if you are able to find another lady that want to be part of your open marriage

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