Keep her as a friend or let her go?

Got this girl I have been dating for 10 months now. She has been going through a lot of nasty court stuff with with her baby's daddy. We are perfectly great together, but the court stuff has been wearing her down a lot. He also was the verbally abusive type, you know a gas lighter. She has been getting annoyed lately with every little thing I do but I told her from the beginning that I would b there for her through the end. 4 days ago, she told me that she didn't want to start resenting me and start comparing me to her ex, but she feels she is starting to. She said she doesn't wanna push me away, but she needs friends now more then a boyfriend. So we decided to become friends for now until then end of her court stuff. Before any of you say the normal "friends comments", let me explain. I know she loves me and is in love with me with all of her heart. This didn't come on suddenly. It has been slowly building. We have talked a lot of serious stuff already, marriage, moving in together, and so forth. I don't wanna become a permanent friend to her, but I wanna be there for her if she needs help. So I can't play the no contact rule guys. I wanna respect the decision we both made, but don't wanna lose her either because I don't back off enough. Help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • LET, HER, GO! Don't just let her go, go in the other direction! She is sticking you in the friend zone just to comfort her WITHOUT the sense of commitment. It's funny because this sounds like my ex... Once you are in the friend zone you stay there. You say you don't want to lose her, I have news for you, you have already lost her. She sees you as a guy that will do ANYTHING for her, which she sees as you having no backbone. You have to exit her life completely and start dating other women, not to make her jealous, but to let her know that there are women out there that will apprecieate your worth. If she REALLY wanted to be with you then she will already be with you, not playing this "game" as to getting you to wait for her while she is getting her fix. The only way you can be friends with a woman is if you are not sexually attracted to her. Otherwise it will just put you through misery, especially WHEN she meets someone else that she connects with and has sex with him, and tells you about it because you are a "friend". Since she sees you as just a friend now, when you make your move for something more, she will feel awkward, you will feel stupid, and you will just have to sit back and watch her date other guys that won't treat her as well as you do. You were good to her unlike her ex, and that threw her off. To a girl "if it's too easy, something is wrong". You were probably logical to her, dependable, honest, truthful, and said that "you will always be there for her" which is a big mistake. She "loves" you, but she just doesn't see you in "that way" or the relationship will still be there. The both of you didn't decide on being friends, she decided and you agreed. We don't push away the ones we REALLY want to be with.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yeah, the guys are right. If she says that's what she wants, even if you're sure it's not true (ESPECIALLY if you know it's not true,) then you gotta be the "friend."

    Honestly, I think she's testing you. From a woman's point of view, any kind of personal drama makes us feel undesirable and dramatic, and we take it out on the men who actually love us. It's pretty immature, but everyone feels weak once in awhile.

    If you've tried to convince her of your devotion and she's still shunning you, she's either taking you for granted or trying to push you to do more. Either way, she's being disrespectful and she will continue to be disrespectful as long as you allow it.

    Her problems are not your problems. Be polite, be friendly, but treat her as a FRIEND- you are not on her beck & call anymore, you are not there for sex or anything else that friends don't do.

    My guess is she'll change her mind pretty quickly.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You know about the Friend Zone. You know about the no contact rule. In other words, you know the right thing to do. You just don't want us telling you. Fine.

    I'll try this instead...be honest with yourself, just how good is this girl at relationships? Here's a hint: here's a guy she loves, and who loves her, and she's playing Let's Be Friends instead of attacking her resentment issues.

    Maybe one day she'll be the girl of your dreams, but not today. And if, on that day, she decides to date someone else because she "doesn't want to ruin the friendship", just remember you saw it coming.

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  • Let her go. You've tried your hardest and she doesn't care. If you let her go, she might realize she's been an idiot and contact you.

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  • Let her go. You did your part, you stuck with it through thick and thin, and then she doesn't have respect or love enough for you to stay with you. She's taking you for granted. So the only thing to do is let her go, if she comes back, good. If she stays away, she never really wanted to keep going.

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