What do you think about buying flowers for an ex on Valentine's Day?

Long story short, i Got in contact with a girl from Norway ( im from Denmark, 1H 15min flight away) we endes up clicking very Well and basically talked over the PC every Day for hours. After about 4 month, we agreed on meeting, so she came to Denmark. We Stayed at an apartment for 4 Days and every was basically like a Dream, when she left to go back home i was so empty and i felt like i wanted to be with her all the time, same did she. We end up talking about where this relationship were heading, and agreed on I started joking around with that i wanted to just Come to norway right away, but she had exams, so we endes up waiting 2.5 month before i came. Every Day we had the same contact, but this time telling eachother that we loved eachother. Fast forward to the time where i get to norway, first Day was a bit weird, i kinda expected more “happyness” but we still kissed and drive to the apartment, things kinda warmed up over Night and it felt like it was back to normal by bedtime. The Day after, we go to eat and by some liquor since we were going to a party with We went back to her parents to whom she introduced me and everything was great. We partied and had a great time. When it was bed time, she basically just turn her back to me without saying anything and goes to sleep. On the Way home the next Day she was comepletely silent, when we Got out of the car, she breaks it to me saying that she lost feelings for me 2 weeks before i came, and that she just isn't feeling it. Fast forward until now around 3 weeks after, we’ve spoken about a lot and she says a lot of it is commitment issues of hers, and that i was a bit clingy and pushing, and money / time was a Big factor. She says she still miss the time in Denmark and that she miss me and our long talks and such. I still want her... Is it a bad idea to send her flowers on valentines Day, trying to start over without commitments and pushyness? Im a bit lost tbh... Thanks in advance to anybody ready this!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Long distance relationships are super tricky to make work, as separate lives in separate places without physically growing together side by side can be a challenge. It seems as she was hit by reality in knowing this as you were about to leave and That's why she distanced herself from becoming deeply attached. It all really boils down to the both of you in where your feelings are with one another and if you're both able to work out the challenges of the distance between the two of you.

    I'd face time everyday, constantly chat, see if things between the two of you spark up again or not. Hold up on the flowers until you're truly certain that you both want the same thing from each other.

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    • She has always said that commiting to something was very hard for her, due to some nasty relationships.
      In my head it sounds like it all got too serious too quickly, so she got scared and backed out.
      She’s still keeping a moderate contact, nothing personal.
      She calls now and then to check how I’m doing with my mental health and just to have a nice conversation for maybe an hour or two.
      She still cares about me a lot and that she still miss the times.
      Atm. Im giving her time from me so we don’t have contact all the time, so she can find herself and see if she miss having me like that in her life.

      I’m still thinking about sending the flowers, just to get a reaction to maybe start from scratch without commitment or plane trips.
      Or at least just to say thanks for giving me the happiest time of my life.
      ( was depressed for 7-8 years before she came into my life, that has now returned though)
      That’s what she’s checking up on.

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    • That’s an attribute that I have to have.
      In this situation it’s not gonna work well for me pushing her.
      Then rather give space, I guess 2.5 month is a good amount of time, which is basically from the breakup in till VD.
      For her to think things through..
      I don’t know, just feel like I have to try or else it would kill me inside if I didnt🙂

    • That's absolutely understandable. If she created such a meaningful impact that turned your life for the better, it's a nice thing for a girl to hear that and know how much you mean to her, especially if she's still reaching out to make contact with you.

      Hope for the best, but don't go having such hard feelings if she doesn't wish to take things into a serious level.

      Best of luck to you!

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think doing something nice is ever wrong. Girls love receiving flowers. Just don't be pushy about it. Send the flowers with a nice note (nothing too much, I wouldn't express your love or anything like that) and just leave it at that. At that point it will up to her what she wants.

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    • So i shouldn't hint at anything?
      If so, what would i be saying in that note for Example? Just to get an idea.

      Thanks for the opinion btw!

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What Girls Said 9

  • I think regardless of how she feels there is no problem sending flowers, you can be friendly no matter how she feels about you.

    But you have to also know how she feels about you so at least no matter what you will not expect anything and at least it would not leave you wondering.

    Ultimately you can be friends regardless and just enjoy the company, you never know what happens.

    You can always express your thoughts for her if you wish there is no problem there

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    • You make some very good points, basically my thoughts aswell.

      Right now i dont really know what to write on the note for Example, since i dont want to push her into doing this, but i also want to hint what i mean by it all..

      Got some tips?:)

    • You can always show her you care about her but ofcourse not in a way that it seems clingy or needy.

      Enough for her to know.

      But ofcourse just be open to communicate as well and she may appreciate it

      Hoping things go well for you

  • You should send her flowers with a little note saying "thank you for the happiest x amount of time. You truly were the light In my darkness. Thank for everything im always here for you" then leave her to contact you. With the note your making her aware that you were both happy and your keeping the line of communication Open between you. But it Sounds like she got scared and upset and she didn't want to get you or her hurt in the process.

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  • I would have to say no. She was clearly stringing you along. She could have told you to cancel your flight, it would have saved you time and money, but she didn't. Commitment issues or not, I just don't think that that's fair treatment.
    Sending her flowers might just make her anxious, or it'll give her motivation to keep stringing you along. This girl just doesn't sound like she wants a relationship, much less a long distance one. Quit now, because the more you drag it out, the harder it will be to get over it.

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    • Sadly i was only able to write 2000 words, but the story is probably around 20.000 words, so a lot of information is basically lost.
      The thing is, she is the one actually making the move and visited me in Copenhagen without much thought, she just went. She knew we were good together when she booked the tickets.

      The thing is, i Think now that it scared her Way too much with the distance and the thought about what was about to happen. With me pushing on talking about when i would book 1-2-3 months after for trips to hers and whatever. It seems like something just boiled up. So she ended it with me to defend herself, so she didn't have to process anything.

      But yea, you make some good points, and i appreciate your opinion!

    • Well, I don’t really need more information. She’s not ready for anything. And some flowers won’t change that.

  • No. She obviously didn't think the relationship was worth the time, money, and effort. It seems that you were the only one putting in the effort. A relationship works both ways. You shouldn't change just because she asked you to.

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    • You make some good points.
      Although the traits with me being overly pushy and showing my love often and being quite jealous, is something I hate being so I want to change those things anyways:)..

      But thanks a lot for your opinion:).

    • Someday you would find someone who loves those qualities and your welcome

    • Yea I guess so.
      Will probably end up trying this out. And see how it goes:).

  • Cut contact from this girl ASAP... she sounds like an attention seeker. I’m sorry you have feelings for her, but the best option is to cut her out of your life or clarify you only want to be strictly loose friends.

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    • Yea.. thats probbaly how i have explained it that makes it Sound that Way..
      Actually, she hates too much attention, she doesn't like when stuff is about her or to be center of focus.
      She have some clear commitment issues and is generally scared of thinking ahead in time.
      Thats where i failed and was a bit too eager with planning month ahead on trips to norway and such.
      So yea, i appreciate your answer though!

    • Trust me, many girls say/do that, but there’s a difference between not wanting the spotlight on you compared to wanting one persons attention. I’m really sorry about your current situation.

  • I think it's a cute gesture, but if she feels u are pushy, and you haven't really given her time to get her head straight about it, then maybe just a "happy valentine day" text might work. No pressure, and that might lead to use talking about how she feels now, in my opinion.

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    • I appreciate your opinion a lot!

      I think I’ll go through with sending her the card, if ofc she hasn’t found someone in the meantime..
      We still have contact on a daily basis, not the same contact if. But still keeping the snap streak alive ( don’t know why) and such. She even calls me from time to time. So she does still Care about me at least.

      But yea, you’re right.

      Thanks alot!

    • No problem. 😊

  • Don't send her flowers.. Actually dnt send anything.. She will feel u r way too clingy or desperate to be with her

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    • Does that matter if it is to end anyways though?:)
      In my head atm i might aswell try and then see where it leads, i guess it can't be worse than it is now? Haha

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    • That really makes sense!
      That seems like a good Way to get some sort of reaction from her.
      Ofc my thought is i just want us to start all over from fresh, and not put anything too serious into it, so we have a stabel foundation, instead of what we had now.

      But thanks a hell of a lot for your response!! That one really made sense.

    • Ur welcome! And all the best 👍

  • I think no way

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  • Follow your heart

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    • Thank you, I probably will.

      Just wanted to know how such a thing could affect it all, in a bad or good way:).

What Guys Said 10

  • Oh man i'm a florist and that One got me a bit speechless.. She seems to like you and She told you as it is and that is a good thing, i think you should do it, but don't go too far with it, if you trully like her and want to wait for her then give her the flowers but make sure that you accept her opinion and that you are willing to build your relationship with a Nice foundation, no house is built without a strong foundation to hold it together :)

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    • She has told me that she cares a lot about me, even Calls me to hear how i am, due to my mental Health have been quite dodgy ever since, so after doctors she has Called to hear about stuff and just for a Nice conversation.

      At this time, i just really want to Build something strong with her, no matter how long it Will take, i Got all the time in the World for her.
      Im in no rush, we both have our studies for the next 1-2 years, so time is not really there to go to another country every week.

      If i was to leave a note on those flowers without being pushy or anything too “ Wild” how would that Sound for Example?

      Thanks for your opinion! I appreciate it alot!

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    • The situation is bad for men, in most of the cases the good ones are "paying the bill" of the bad ones, and taking blame for stuff when it isn't their fault so most of them are toughing up. But there's still lots of phenomenal women out there so they also shouldn't pay for the mistakes of other women

      Regarding the jealousy i believe it should exist, it is caused by the idea of having the one you love taken from you, of course it also has limits, when it is used to control the life of the partner that's wrong, but it isn't wrong if you just have fear of losing her, that just means you need her in your life and all men know that there's a lot of other men out there trying to get our women so why shouldn't we care?

    • You’re right about that.

      In my case it’s comes down to trust issues from earlier failed relationships, which has carried on with me into other relationships, that kind of jealousy is not good for anybody though, since it’s the kind where I don’t trust the girl that I love.
      She hasn’t given me a reason not to trust her, so it’s not fair of me to accuse her of doing anything.
      That’s what I mean by it hehe.

  • Personally I've done it last couple of times and ended with almost nothing to show for it so I would personally save the money. It is a shoddy situation though and understand why you feel lost.

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    • Money means Jack for me, which is also why i dont Care about buying plane tickets and whatever.
      I know its a Grey zone and Will be something that is like a 10-90 chance for it to end with a no.
      But hey, at least im not gonna worry about it anymore if so.

      But yea, thanks for your opinion! I really appreciate it!

    • When I did it man I didn't listen to anyone and as you said it's not a lot of money so I'd say do it why not you might feel weird if you didn't?
      You never know what might happen either way and be more annoying if afterwards you miss the opportunity, if she doesn't reply after it she obviously ain't worth the time

    • She probbaly Will not just cut contact, i’m very good friends with her friends, since i’ve played games with Them for over a year now, being on communication for 7-9 hours a Day with Them and she's there aswell sometimes.
      This is where i Met her basically, they set me up with her haha..
      Well im almost 100% sure ill do it.
      Just gotta see if i Can get some tips on what to write on the Card, so it doesn't sounds pushy and me expressing love and whatever. Because she won’t like that haha

  • Nothing wrong with your idea. Don't expect too much, though.

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    • No expectations, it’s all just hopes and dreams.
      And I basically just need to get it out of my head aswell, which I guess is a decent time to do it

  • I think it would be time to move on. She treated you very unfairly with the flight.

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    • You’re right it probably wasn't the nicest thing to do.
      She Said that she wanted me to mean my “gaming friends” and that the feelings from Denmark and the feelings about me would Come up in her again from me being there.
      So yea, atm im just like what the hell, might aswell try and see

    • Again, she might only hurt you. In my objective opinion, she is not worth your effort anymore. She proved that already with the flight.

    • Well you’re right about all you say.
      I haven't really cared much about the flight and whatever, because at least i Got to meet my friends.
      The breakup kinda cast a shadow over the flight thing hehe..
      But thanks a lot for you opinion! I appreciate that you took your time!

  • I'm thinking "Where the hell are my flowers?, the holiday is named after a dude afterall"

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    • If me and her works out, ill send you flowers next year aswell;)

  • I think you trying again with flowers is what pushy means

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  • Bad idea, don't do it

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    • How Come?

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    • What im thinking now, why would it matter for me, if she have respect for me at all, if i just say screw her and get on with it?

      But i respect your point of view! Thanks for your opinion

    • It should matter to you because placing yourself underneath women and placing them on a pedestal is exactly how you don't get women to like you

  • dont do fuck all. she's an ex which means she's an opp. fuck the opps

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  • It can’t hurt, after reading all that I think it’s worth a try

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    • Yea I’m sorry for the long ass story there.. imagine if that wasn’t the short story I wrote haha.

      Thanks a lot for your opinion!

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    • Would you happen to have some tips to what I could say on the card? Without being pushy and expressing my love for her?
      It’s totally fine if you don’t

    • Not really but maybe a girl on here would know what would be nice to hear

  • Idioti

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    • Can i ask why that is?:)

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    • Jeg forstår fuldt ud hvad du mener.
      Men ja, lige nu er jeg lidt på et skråplan, om det er en “god ide” eller bare generelt en lorte idé.
      Men ja nu må vi se, der er trods alt en måned til!

      Takker for svaret!

    • Reaktionen er uvist selvfølgelig, så det skader ikke at prøve. Så lidt

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