How long does it hurt after a break up?

I dated this guy, who I thought I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with, for 6 years. Two weeks ago, I asked him if we were okay because I'm insecure and just wanted reassurance. He broke up with me instead. But he wants to stay friends. I'm so depressed that I'm going out of my mind. I've moved into the spare bedroom for now. He says he wants to stay friends, but now he gets irritated if I even ask him how his day went or if he has any plans. My mind is still reeling from everything because I really did not see this coming 😔 the entire 6 years all we've talked about was our future together. We barely ever fought. We were even talking about planning a wedding a few months ago. I'm just so blown away. Does it actually work, to stay friends? After this long i cannot imagine life without him in it. I'm willing to try but I know he's always going to mean more than that to me. And what do I do when he meets someone? 😓 To top it off, my best friend implied there was something between him and her. And then she took it back and started bawling, saying she's a shitty person and she only said that to hurt me because she's angry at how I'm handling everything. He denies it too. He says there's nobody else and I believe him on that part because for one, he's always hated her, two, he logged into Facebook on my phone one time and now for some reason I get all of his messenger notifications and I cannot figure out how to turn them off. And three, she's always admitted to being jealous of me but I can't understand why she would try to tear me down when I'm already down 😔 I just don't know what to do at this point. I don't see an end to this pain. I've nearly attempted suicide a total of about 14 times now but I chicken out every time. He won't even tell me what I did wrong. The only reasoning he's given me is that it's not like it was in the beginning, that I deserve better, he's holding me back, and that we're just too different.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can imagine how bad it sucks right now that you dated someone for 6 years of your life and it basically ended the way it did.

    Unfortunately, there is no correct answer. Each person heals at their own pace.

    You really really really need to get some counseling if not diagnosed by a psychiatrist. To attempt or consider consider suicide on an average of once a day is not healthy. If you can't deal with the issues at hand, you'll likely get more depressed, suicidal, make another attempt either successfully or unsuccessfully.

    Between the breakup and your friend's claims, two people that you really trusted hurt you pretty bad.

    To move forward, you need a strong support system to help you deal with whatever the issues may be. The only way you can really change is to know what the issues are, get the treatment you need, and be active in your treatment plan.

    As to the question of whether to remain his friend or not, at this time in your life doing so will likely do more harm than good.

    Take care of yourself

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Move out, he wants you gone- then be gone don’t give him the power to watch you suffer...
    Delete Facebook
    Stay in and cry and write emotions down... pages and pages if everything you want to say... once written bin them...

    6 years wasn’t wasted.. you can live without him like u did before you met him..

    It will take months.. no lie but in 6 months you’ll learn more about yourself...

    To speed process up to helping follow instructions

    He wants you gone... then go,, let him live his life without you..

    Delete Facebook twitter Instagram etc... IMPORTANT

    Change your number.. so you ain’t checking your phone for his text or calls... get in there first

    Get exercising- shape and tone up

    1 month from now join a dating site- not for dates but for ego boost.. men fawning over you is a great boost to confidence because right now your ego and confidence is on the floor

    1 year from now- start dating again... in 1 year (only 365 days) you’ll be more confident, better looking ( it’s amazing when U get dumped how gorgeous you become, relationships u tend to let urself go)

    Mark the date on a calendar.. about looking forward and not back...

    Don’t call him during that time- he will contact you, if he does you can tell him to piss off..

    You will get happy again

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • You need to get out of the home with him and get surrounded by people who care about you. He is probably screwing your friend and staying friends with him will never work. It will take you quite a while to recover but that won;t start until you are living separate and apart.

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  • It takes a really long time to be "okay" after a break up and being sad about it is nothing to be ashamed about. In my opinion being friends with an ex is possible but for you maybe not possible right now. What helps me get over a relationship is taking in all the different perspectives on being single. If there was ever anything you wanted to do but never had the chance to because of your relationship, now's the time. If ever there was a time to change who you are because you didn't like x, y, or z fact about yourself, now's the time. As for your friend, I would cease all contact with her, she seems like someone who will just get in your way. Don't be too upset because you think you lost the love of your life, work on becoming the love of your life and love yourself instead, there will always be someone for the person who loves themself? Is themself a word? Anyways, switch your focus to improving who you are and stop trying to find the missing piece in your heart, we have 3D printers for a reason, make your own piece. I know it sounds narcissistic to put all your energy on you but sometimes we need to be narcissists cuz we spend too much time thinking of others we forgot to please the most important and influential person in our lives, ourselves. As for suicide, that's taking the easy way out, and I can assure you, you dont wanna miss out the decades you have left to live, Donald Trump still has to die someday and ill be damned if I'm missing that.

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  • That is a very hard thing to deal with ! Please don't kill yourself ! You sound like a very wonderful person and maybe he is holding you back. It's going to be hard but you can find someone else that will treat you better. It's not your fault. Shit happens sometimes. Something simular happened to me and it still hurts but it will get better ! Relationships never stay the way they were in the beginning. The only thing that keeps them going is commitment and honest communication. Love is only an emotion that grows with these things. As for his notifications on your phone... If you have access to his account you have to get in settings and take your phone off the approved devices list or have him do it or go to the Facebook help center and ask. Good luck to you !

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  • The Hurt Never seems like its going to go away.. I was with my Wife for 17 years.. Loved her deeply. Then... But it does ease up.. it gets better... I promise.. One year ago today.. My Birthday, i was in desperate pain... Today.. I don't think of her all that much anymore. and if we didn't have kids, I would never think of her, but on occasion.

    Don't pine, don't entertain negative thoughts.. and don't hope, move on and know that there are people out there that will love you truly..

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  • The first thing you should do is dump your best friend, admit it a best friend that acts like that isn't really your friend, she sounds like a leacher, someone that gets through her own misery by making others miserable.
    Second no guy in his right mind leaves a perfect relationship if he doesn't have someone else to go to, unless he literally has o feelings for you or he likes to hurt himself.
    Yes it will always hurt, but there are a lot more guys out there, you may find someone better or worse, the pain will always be there, but with time it will fade into a memory, and memories can be forgotten or buried by something better.

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  • Can take from a month to years. It'll turn into a scar so to say eventually, and you'll learn to live alongside it. Just try to give it the time it needs, and even if it's hard, put yourself out there, talk to people and realize that he wasn't the only one that mattered. It takes time, but you'll end up better.

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  • Hang in there! Life has ups an downs an it can only get better. After my first failed marriage I thought that was it and it was far from over. You need to cut ties an get away from him.

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  • Suicide is not the way mate. Just think, you were the fastest sperm! You came into this world as a winner! Believe in yourself, and someone, the right someone, will too.

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  • If you find somebody else immediately after a breakup, it doesn't hurt but if you don't, it could be months before you get over it

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  • It depend how much you love each other

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  • For me, a couple of hours. That's how long it takes to hook up with a new girl.

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  • Time heals and emotions fade I promise you.

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  • Till the day you realize it wasn't worth it

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  • Depend of how much u were inlove and how much u've been hurt

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  • Me, it took 3 months... travelling makes me better

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  • My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago and I've been struggling to find the answer to your question. We've been together 2.5 years and we were about to move in together. We tried the whole friend thing and it honestly didn't work because ure still constantly thinking about the person. So about a month after I texted her rhat we needed to cut off communication with each and that's helped. I'm not completely over her but its getting better and she's not on my mind as much

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What Girls Said 6

  • DON'T YOU DARE RISK YOUR LIFE FOR ANOTHER PERSON.
    One day it will pass sweetheart don't worry.

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  • Don’t stay friends. A relationship that lasted that long, this deep... it’s better to put in the past than to remind yourself of it every time you see him. You’ll never stop hurting otherwise.

    I’m guessing it will take you a fair amount of time to get over him... can you afford the apartment on your own? I’d ask him to leave for a while tbh. He’s the one to induce the break up so he should go. Maybe move back with your parents for a bit if that’s a possibility? Take time&space to heal.

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  • Everyone is different, but the rule of thumb is 18 months. That doesn’t mean you’ll be completely healed in 18 months or to count down the days until then, but just know it will take a lot of patience🌻

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  • Everyone can be replaced, find another male with similar traits that he had to breed and repopulate with. This process of "getting over someone" varies from each individual. So there is no exact time period. But if I were to estimate the amount of time for you, it'd be about 5-12 months

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  • Everyone different

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  • If you do like me and hit them with a baseball bat until they bleed and wimper, a long time for them. Me? I was fine after that.

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