OK, I will try to make this short. I realize that long, drawn-out love sagas are never interesting unless they’re your own!
Broke up with on/off boyfriend of 3 years/best friend of 10+ years back in February. It was sort of a mutual decision. We were both going through really rough times and after he lost his job he pretty much lost his mind.
Over the summer, I contacted him here and there (mostly drunk texts), but there was little to no contact otherwise.
For the past 2 months, I noticed he was checking my blog daily, sometimes multiple x a day. I’m a writer and I have web stats on my blog and I know it was his IP. Then he started commenting under fictitious names.
Stupid me, I took his constant checking and commenting on my blog to mean that he was still interested. So a few weeks ago I sent him a playful text saying we should hook up/hang out while I’m in town. He danced around the subject, basically saying no without saying “no”. I ended up spilling my guts to him and telling him that I missed him, etc. He finally confessed that he was in a relationship, and that he can’t “coexist” with me without messing up his relationship.
I felt embarrassed that he let me ramble on about my feelings for him before admitting his new relationship, so I sent him an email and told him as much. I also told him to stop checking my website and commenting if he didn’t want anything to do with me, because it isn’t fair to me. He then responded with the meanest email ever- basically a long list of everything he doesn’t like about me- I’m manipulative, I try to use my looks for power over him (?!), I’m crazy, I’m unpredictable, blah blah. He has always been an unstable guy himself, so the fact that he was coming at me from a high moral ground was really shocking to me. This email was out of NOWHERE and it was unnecessarily hurtful. That was also the last day he went on my website.
I responded to his email tactfully and I took the high road. He didn’t respond. Then, this past weekend, I sent him a “final” text message saying that he can do whatever he wants, but at the end of the day we are supposed to be together and he knows it (I know, I regret it now… talk about fatal attraction!). He hasn’t responded and I’m not sure what that means.
Ordinarily, I would write this guy off forever and move on. But it is hard to accept that we had such a strong, intense relationship and now it’s all fizzled down to nothing now? I’m trying to look at this situation from his perspective, but it is impossible to make sense out of it. Should I just walk away and forget it? Maybe send another message retracting my last statement? I feel like a fool but I shouldn’t because at least I’m communicating my feelings and being honest, and not hiding.
It would help to get a few 100% uninvolved opinions on this… I’m too over analytical to see this situation for what it really is. My assessment of it changes every hour. L
Most Helpful Guy
ive commented on a similar post for you before, seems like things have been updated a little...the problem is you're throwing yourself at him, I know you have been best friends and then some for the past 13 years, something happened, stop trying to chase him and pull him back - everyone likes a chase right? no one wants someone who is throwing themselves at them constantly..i think you need to analyze what went wrong, was there something that built up to the break up?
you need to stop worrying about him, I know I know its so much easier said than done, but you have to understand "why chase love" you shouldn't have to fight for someone to be with you, it should be natural...love finds you, its not the other way around...as far as I'm concerned, I feel for you, I understand the fact that you care about him, deeply...no one will get over their ex right away if they felt they were in love...as far as being "addicted" to him, eh maybe, but you're going through what everyone goes through when they lose someone they care about...should he have let you say all that stuff before telling you about this new gf? is there even really a new gf? right now none of that should matter, you need to stop communication immediately, this will make him miss you and realize how much you mean to him but most importantly this is to help YOU move on...sure everyone will say ignore him he'll come back...and sure that may happen but you're not doing that for that reason, you're doing it because it will help you move forward with your life and gradually forget about him...well at least think about him less and less...
give each other some time, maybe one day ask if he wants to meet up for some coffee...this is ONLY if you can stand being friends with him, you want him to see you're more mature, moved on, moving forward, becomming a better, stronger women...that you're OK with what happened and you realize hey if its meant to be it will be...
i really do feel for you, I did almost everything you were doing, when my ex got a boyfriend, I ignored her...i kenw it was a rebound, but you know what, I told myself hey if that's what she's going to do she's going to do it and I can't control it I deserve someone who wants me for me and loves me for who I am...a couple weeks go by and what do you know I start getting blocked phone calls...random calls from her every now and then...do I answer, nope...hell I even changed my phone number at one point because I just didn't think id ever see her again...well here I am now, we;re friends, close still, random hook ups, but we both understand our relationship isn't meant to be more than friends at the moment...you kinda just gotta go with the flow and stop planning...take life as it hits you, but right now you need to concentrate on you being OK and healthy (emotionally)...let yourself cry, one day you won't have any mroe tears for him, then you will understand what tru happiness is...you will find that guy who makes every second together priceless2