I started seeing this guy 6months ago, we were both out of bad breakups and didn't want a relationship and we lived 200 miles apart but we really connected and had a lot of fun together so we continued seeing each other. He told me from the start that he had loved his ex and she broke his heart and he never wanted to be put in that position again. We went on holiday after a month and we both said it was the best holiday of our lives. after that we felt really close and he called and text me all the time and wanted to see me, but the only time he ever let his guard down and told me he liked me was when he was drunk. Then he went away for 3 wks on an intensive course (should mention he's an actor) and had the time of his life, which I would be really happy for him but it consisted mostly of boozing with a load of girls. since he's come back everything has changed, he talks to them all the time and we ended up having a massive row about it and almost split up. we decided to continue seeing each other as before but the lovely texts have stopped, he doesn't call me sweetheart anymore, he's stopped calling when he goes out drinking (he always called to say goodnight) and he just seems less affectionate. I told him how I feel but he thinks I'm just being a bit crazy and said just cos he doesn't pine for me all day doesn't mean he doesn't miss me. I feel confused because on the one hand I can see his point, we are apart more than together, but then again he was sweet and affectionate before why not now. He told me it bothers him how much he likes me because he promised himself he would never fall for a girl like that again, but is this just an excuse?
I sent him a text today saying thanks for another great weekend, miss you loads, your my star xxxx and he sent me back ;-)x
I don't know if I'm being pushy and paranoid and he does like me but doesn't want to get hurt, or if I'm just being played and he's not that into me anymore. What should I do?
Most Helpful Girl
"He told me it bothers him how much he likes me because he promised himself he would never fall for a girl like that again, but is this just an excuse?"
First, he's been honest with you about his feelings and that's awesome! Most guys are terrified of sharing their vulnerabilities. He's also told you that because he had his heart trampled so badly, he doesn't want to be hurt like that again, so he's working on building 10'thick, 20'high walls around his heart. Ah, but the gotcha is that despite his attempts to not let it happen, he fell for you and let you in.
BEWARE - because now he's really scared and he's actually trying to prove to himself and you that you have no control or power over his heart and therefore can't hurt him. The guy is fragile - very fragile. I know men out there are going to scoff because they don't want to admit this, but it's true.
There are some life lessons that you need to learn. 1st see his actions for what they are. He's acting standoffish to protect himself. He's been honest about partying with the other girls, etc. to put that wall in front of you. It's his way of getting you riled enough to get jealous, feel unstable in the relationship so that you will end up proving to him what he's doing is right by getting you so worked up by breaking up with him (it won't make sense - nothing makes sense in the mind of a person who's hurting and trying to protect themselves). OR, he's trying to communicate to you that you are too close, things are going too fast and he needs to slow down and chill out. Immature men won't just come out and say these things because they're not in touch with their feelings enough to even understand that's what's going on! So see it for what it is.
What should you do? Slow things down. Give him space. Take care of YOU and what YOU need and what makes YOU happy. You need to be a "whole" you, before you can be with him and so does he. It sounds like neither of you are there yet. You should be going out with your friends - male and female - and living your life. Tell him you understand he needs some space and that you want to slow things down a bit. That will really blow his mind. Follow through. Don't pester him about the girls. That's your insecurity showing and guys don't like that. If it's really bothering you and you think he's actually cheating or crossing a clearly defined relationship line, then he's not the guy for you at all. You don't need to end up co-dependent over someone who's not worth it. Stop listening to your heart and start listening to your head and instincts. HUGS!0