Have you ever heard of the "no contact rule"? Have you tried it and did it work for you?

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me two days ago due to now not being a good time for us to be together and because we have recently been toxic for each other. The bad part is that we still love each other a lot but we know it's something that needed to happen. He mostly did the breaking up because I triggered it that night but we still talked for a bit afterwards and decided we would still chat here and there and be civil since we couldn't cut each other off cold turkey. He said he wanted a week to make sure it was the right decision. Well, he has done some things that really took me for granted and today I realized I deserve better so after a few texts with him this morning, I decided to do "no contact" with him. It was something I was never good at. Basically I can't contact him or respond to him no matter what. Throughout our entire relationship, I was always the one to initiate conversations and I would always text back right away. This time, I put my foot down and stopped texting him. 4 hours later, I get a text from him just telling me random things. I ignored. 2 hours later, he sends another text asking what I have been up to, I ignored again. Then 2 hours after that, he texts me telling me he hopes I'm alright. Then another hour later, he texts me telling me that he has been getting worried about me not responding and wants me to respond just to make sure I'm safe. He never bothered to call though. I feel like if he truly cared and thought I was in danger, he would have called right? But he didn't. So I have a feeling that him telling me he wanted to make sure I was ok is just a trap to get me to respond to him.. right? Should I text him and tell him I'm ok or should I just continue to ignore him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The no contact thing is good to do as it really gives you both time to assess the situation and see how it feels to no longer be together. However I would suggest discussing/agreeing it first.

    About the are you ok, it could be one of two things, he either doesn't care very much OR he's respecting your space and allowing you to not respond. Calling you might be in his mind a step too far which might push you away.

    I can only say so based on my personality that if someone doesn't communicate back to me, I try a couple of times times and then I sit back and wait, not at all because I don't care but because I don't want to be a nuisance and maybe it's not the right time for them to reply. I'm not saying that what I do is right and I'd even say it's sometimes wrong, but it's what I do...

    .. Ultimately I think it all comes down to communication, being on the same page is the most important thing and that can only be achieved by talking.

    Good luck!

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    • By the way he is reacting and texting me, do you think there is a chance he could still want to get together with me? Because I feel like if he were truly serious about the breakup, wouldn't he be distancing himself more and not caring if I text him or not?

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    • Personally, yes, I think that would be best. Agree a date when you can maybe meet up to talk things over, then between now and then, each go your own way. Good luck to you both! x

    • Thank you for mho! :)
      Hope things are going ok for you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Explain to him what you're doing, it's not fair on him if you've both agreed to keep in contact to then suddenly go against that. Just say you've been thinking and have decided to do the no contact rule to reflect on a few things. He'll then text back blah blah but then you can start ignoring him. Otherwise he's just going to be continually messaging you, not giving you a chance to think or experience life without him

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • Best question here is what you really want?
    I believe is normal him to question you if everything is ok once you normally were answering him.
    If you really don't want to continue in this emotional relationship answer you're ok, and you just don't want to be close to him cause you het hurt, etc. Cold and straight to the point.
    BUT if you're playing not answering to get his attention, well, continue as you're... is working for now...

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    • but my question is how long would it work for... like when do i start talking to him again..

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    • I don't know him and your relationship with him. Really not in the position to say what you have to do, and even I can screw things up. I'm saying my experiences...
      Everything is possible... follow your feeling/what you believe is the right thing to do

    • Okay, thank you for the help you have given me :)

  • Personally, I would leave him be. Not that he doesn't care about you because he didn't call, but that really depends on your relationship whether or not you call or text when it is important.

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    • So I should just continue to ghost him?

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    • I ended up responding to him though a bit ago. He's already asleep but he'll see it in the morning. All I said was "I'm okay, thanks, no worries" is that too much?

    • That's just the right amount. :)

  • Honestly you should not be worried at all. U should respond to him but don’t give too much of ur energy.

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    • What do you mean by I shouldn't be worried? Worried about what?

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    • That’s good , do u talk to some of his guy friends? If not u should so u can keep updated on what he’s doing.

    • If you still wanna be with him don’t waste time let him know how u feel , if he wants his space you have to respect that.

  • Have a mutual friend text him for you telling him you are okay, or tell him you have decided not to text him

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  • Hmm. Maybe just let him know your OK. But. And like he's keeping you on standby

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  • You're really overthinking this.

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  • i dont talk to any of my exes fuck em

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  • Yeah we used to what about u?

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  • Aftr some time u ll want contact him

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What Girls Said 1

  • This is a very fragile situation but girl if you guys have been toxic for each other then it’s time for you to go and get yourslef together. Some people are not meant to be together and the more you guys talk you will never move on

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