You broke up, let yourself go, now what?

Who out there has been in the situation where you ended a relationship and ended up in a really low place? To the point where you gained weight...anywhere from 10 pounds and up. Did you ever end up running into your ex? And, have you recovered, have you lost the weight? How'd you finally get yourself out of that stage?

I've stopped caring...I'm not working out, I don't have the energy, and the only motivating factor is the fear that I'd see my ex and I'd look like sh*t. And, as much as we'd all like to pretend that it wouldn't matter...come on, you know it would.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have been in exactly this situation. But I actually gained weight (about 20 pounds) towards the end of the relationship as I was so unhappy. After I ended it (I had to for several good reasons) I went into a deep depression not wanting to talk to anyone or go anywhere- I looked like total sh*t! My motivtion to look better was not so much my ex but because I realized tht I was caught in a catch 22 I looked like crap because I felt like crap, but I felt like crap every time I saw what I had become. So this and the fact that like you, I did not want my ex to have the satifaction of thinking I did him a favour by breking up with him is what led me to try and get fit in body AND mind again.

    so I'll tell you what I did and maybe some of that will be helpful to you.

    1.the first thing you need to do before worrying about your weight is start to change the way you are feeliing to get out of that low place.

    You MUST get out and about even though you may not feel like it as it is very easy at this stage to become a hermit. Also being around happy, positive people will lift your spirits and in 'pretending' to feel OK will start to find that little by little, you actually do.

    2. take up a new hobby/activity. I started volunteering for St johns ambulance which gave me a new skill, new friends and something to do to stop me from thinking about my ex, my weight and any other negative stuff. I also started learning to dance- which brings me to -

    3. Do something high energy that will burn calories without you even realising it like dancing. Again you will meet some really nice people so will make new friends that have nothing to with your ex. In doing this I lost 10 pounds in the first 2 months and met a few hot guys (not relationship material but the attention was still nice) which helped my confidence no end.

    4. Now you are ready for the gym or whatever you want to do to lose the weight, I hate the gym so I went cycling. I now lost all the weight I gained plus lost an extra 10 pounds!

    So when you see your ex not only will you look hot! but he will see that you are HAPPY without him because you have new friends, new hobbies, a new body- basically a new life that is all the better for him not being in it!

    The main thing to remember is that you will feel like sh*t for a while, its inevitable, and its OK to feel like that but you are going to have to dig yourself out of that low place as hard as it is because you have to show him that you are not going to fall appart with out him!

    Add me as a friend and I can give you more specific advice as I know where you are coming from.

    goodluck! x

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    • Thanks! You feel me...and I'm still @ the point where I don't care how I look so I have no motivation whatsoever. And, I know, deep down, that I shouldn't do it for him or anyone else for that matter...but seriously, other breakups didn't affect me like this. Before, I went through the "heartbreak diet" where I actually lost weight. I shall add you as a friend, thank you!

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What Guys Said 4

  • Summers is right. I can't really give you any better advise than that although there's no need to be cynical about it. My ex broke up with me. Not cause I did anything wrong but apparently she didn't think we were right for each other. I respect her decision but it doesn't stop my heart from being broken. The last thing I would want is for her to get fit and show off in front of me the next time I see her. The way I see it if you break up with someone, you have to show a lot more respect to the other person (as long as they werent an idiot in the relationship). Sure its good to get a new look, be healthier and be fit but if you broke up with him there's no need to rub it in his face?

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    • Yeah, I hear ya...I wouldn't want to be "pitied", either though, ya know? So, did you get all depressed and let yourself go? See, I wish I had the agression I used to have because I'd definitely channel that into working out hard which I have in the past. Just this time around, I'm literally just like "Blahhh....".

    • Yes true not good to be cynical and of course not good to rub anyone face in it. I should have been clearer in my meaning. As she is not seeking him out I don't think she is trying to show off but I think like me (correct me if I'm wrong asker) she just want to know that if she does see him he doesn't need to know that she was a wreck without him and that she is doing good (and hopefully he is too). You are so right though if you break up you've got to show respect, anything else makes it worse.

  • We only had the final discussion on Monday after 30 days of no contact. I am depressed but I know better than to do what I did last time which was drink excessively and nearly loose my job over it.

    I train in muay thai so its not so much the getting the motivation to do something that I didn't do before its the motivation to be better than I was before that's the problem.

    Saying that thou I went to go back last night after 3 weeks of not going due to me going on holiday and feeling depressed over the whole break and the bloody gym has closed for another 2 weeks!

    And yes I am seriously starting to worry about getting out of shape and seeing her out because I'm not the type of person that likes to go out running or cycle.

    The key thing to any exercise is to enjoy it! if you enjoy it you won't even realize how in shape you are until your clothes don't fit anymore ;)

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    • Woah. I read the first two sentences and freaked cause you sound just like my ex lol. he trains muay thai, and drank a lot after we broke up and it nearly cost him his job. You sounded just like him, I thought you were :S. anyways carry on ha.

  • Did you break up with him?

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    • Sad thing is, it's a combo of more than one guy over this past year, hehe. First one wasn't really a relationship because he was moving (I knew it was going to be short-term but took the plunge, anyways...hey, wanted to have fun, ya know?) 2nd one...well, it kind of ended before it even started but I felt we had a connection; one I haven't felt in a long time, if ever. But, I guess in both scenarios, I was the rejectee (?). I know other factors are contributing to the state I'm in right now.

  • I was in the same place as you were... since than I got ripped, stopped smoking and god a job that pays so much I'm not able to spend that many. The funny thing is I started to do it all out off spite and anger for the ex. Now I feel like it was the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me.

    Don't worry... just start doing it. Don't worry about not being successfull at first or not seeing results. It just gives you something to do in exchange for hanging out with your boyfriend, makes you meet people while jogging, working out, etc. I honestly don't know when I grew the muscles and lost the belly. It's the people that I haven't seen for two years that come up to me and comment on it. I just see ME in the mirror and it's finnally the ME I've been missing so much while I was with her.

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