How do I break up with long distance boyfriend?

I am scared to ask this because I know people are going to judge me.
But I dated this guy in another country for 4 years. It was long distance. He was 100% broke and could never afford to come visit me. The last time we saw each other was 3 years ago and I paid to come visit him in his country.

The deal was that he come and visit me, but he was never able to afford it. I wanted to break it off so many times but I felt guilty since it had been so long.

I am now doing a study abroad that is in a country right next to his country. Yesterday, he got on a bus and took a 20 hour trip to come see me. Granted-I paid for his trip since he was adamant that we see each other. He is currently staying in my hotel with me.

When he arrived, I didn't feel any chemistry with him whatsoever. He tried to kiss me but I wasn't into it at all. Sleeping next to him was so difficult because he would try to cuddle/spoon but I wasn't into it. To be honest, I have fallen out of love with him. I have known this for a while but I've been too nervous to say it.

I want to break up but feel bad he came all this way. I also cannot stand to sleep in the same bed with him for the next week. Should I break up now or after he leaves? How do I break up with him? I am literally emotionally overwhelmed by all of this. I did start to drop little hints like, " I feel like something is different between us. I feel weird." but he insists its the long time apart. He doesn't know that I dont romantically love him anymore.



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Most Helpful Guy

  • Frankly.. Just be honest with him and let him know that you can't revert the same feelings and interest as him for the reasons mentioned above. It is also a good thing you are considerate enough to be mindful of how they feel, but at the end of the day it is at the expense of your comfort.. Take a day to articulate your thoughts and express them to him. All the best

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    • This is so helpful. You stated it very rationally. The only problem is I kind of said something similar but I guess not in a firm manner. His response was, "Oh after a week of being together: you feelings would come back. Its just because we are new around each other again. Give it time to come back." But frankly, I don't want to be with him anymore.

    • If that's how you feel about it.. No use bottling it in or delaying the break..

Most Helpful Girl

  • Break up now and don't wait until he leaves. Falling out of love is enough of a reason. U don't wanna lead him on, and breaking up would be better for both of you

    I would feel the same if my boyfriend never made an effort to meet me but only relied on my money to come and see me. He could be broke Yeah, but he can also search for a job or make some efforts.

    The second reason is that u fell out of love, and this can happen to anyone. Even people who are not in an ldr. It's no one's fault and the more u postpone breaking up, the more emotions will be wasted and the more heartbroken the both of u will be

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What Guys Said 21

  • Just break it to him only thing is you kinda fucked up because he is with you now and could've just said before which i would be mad about shoulda just said before he came

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    • I 100% agree with you. It was my fault because I should have told him before he came. I think I just felt guilty breaking up with him knowing how badly he wanted to come see me. I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

  • Tell him straight. You're wasting his time and your time in not saying anything and the longer you leave it, the more you're damaging his feelings and your feelings. At the minute, you are currently just leading him on... not a very forgiveable thing to do.

    Good luck!

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  • It's not a healthy relationship just tell hime the truth it will hurt at the beginning but humans learn to move on. You just can't hold on to things forever!

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  • Dont give him all he want, make pretending u have other big matter that u re not in the mood for anything, ignoring is the key

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    • I've definitely been trying to appear as more distant. Like why he hugs me, I don't reciprocate. Or I won't engage in a lot of conversation with him.

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    • Exactly, I do feel that I did my part. I thought that he would at least make it easier for both of us and respectfully accept that things have changed between us. But he is so persistent on us staying together.

    • If u dont give him all he like, he will get tired and will look for an other girl to fulfill his need, no sex, no flirt, always busy in work and speak a lot in the phone, best recipe for breaking up😊

  • If he were truly interested, he would have found a way to make it possible with you, not solely on your dime. Sounds as though he wants to be taken care of instead of take care of someone. Sounds from the tone of your writing that you have a problem with paying for everything, and rightly so. Discuss it with them if you want to salvage the relationship, or let him go.

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  • Too long situation and whatever if he will come live near you one day or not, you dont feel good with him, almost like a stranger. Talk him as soon as possible, avoid him the travel !

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  • What you can do is start with your correspondence and begin to be less affectionate and send fewer and shorter messages. This may reduce his feelings and make it easier to drop the bomb.

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  • Just be upfront tell him the truth that it isn't going to work and that u need someone to be there for u more

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  • Just explain to him what you told us, no more feelings, need to move on

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    • Should I tell him while he is here or wait for him to go home? I don't want him to feel upset that he made this trip for nothing.

    • Depend on many things like, how do you handle that? (I mean don't suffer), how many time he's still here? About his mental health? (Like he's sensitive, blabla)

    • But if you think you reached your limit tell him while he's here

  • If you are that uncomfortable with him being there, then let him know the truth. If he cares about you like he says he does them he will understand and go his separate way

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  • Sometimes something broken can't be put together again. N something not conveyed can't help in anyway. Talk to him, convey your thoughts. The best way is to speak out.

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  • I didn't even read but in my opinion just do it. It might hurt but in the end that's gonna be much better than wanting to break up and not being able to. Just text him that you want to break up.

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  • Be clear and consistent, and tell him straight. It was great to see him again but you don't see a future in this.

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  • It's always best to be honest with people, don't sugar coat anything, even when you don't want to hurt their feelings.

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  • SAy ur problem to him as early as possible so that u guys could see if things are going good or wrong

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  • Tell him that you want to break up. Do it over the phone.

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  • just say i can't handle this any more
    n say him or her tht im not perfect for u

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  • U have one!!! I wish I had a long distance relationship.

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  • Good night friends

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  • Tell him u breaking up with him

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