Is this highly unstable ex-friend still a threat?

The friend who introduced my boyfriend and I to one another turned out to be a very bad friend and just bad person in general. My boyfriend has known her for 8 years since college and I met her a few months before she introduced the two of us.

She was always very jealous of our relationship (we've always been very much in love and have known since day one that we were going to get married as did both of our families and friends).

She would lie about things that I had said when she would start fights with me to try get my boyfriend to be on "her side" (which he never ended up on, bless him).

She would manipulate situations to get my boyfriend to spend time with her and not me (she was my supervisor at work and was angry that I was going to spend time with my boyfriend, so she convinced me that I "had" to come to work per my manager's request).

She was intensely jealous of me but also jealous of my boyfriend (he's an artist and she'd basically try to steal his work). She would always also tell my boyfriend that he was "weak" and "not very manly" (he's gentle with me and likes to cuddle, but he's not weak... he's strong and very attractive...) It seems to both my boyfriend and I that she had a weird obsession with him...

She is married and was married once in the past. My boyfriend and I have figured out a lot about things... she lied about her ex-husband cheating on her (she was actually cheating on him) and her ex-boyfriend abusing her. She's cheated on every single one of her significant others (we're assuming that she's cheating on her current husband or will soon).

She would basically scold and berate me and my boyfriend. She projected all of her issues onto us (my boyfriend and I are apparently very racist--she is... also, I'm a shy introverted push-over and I'm apparently bossy and controlling, etc.) She has tried to tell lies to mutual friends.

My boyfriend had been her roommate but he removed his things one day and left on July 31st. It was a gutsy move, he brought his sister and dad to help him and they had been worried that she would snap.

She obviously has very serious mental health issues (more than the depression and anxiety she takes medication for). My boyfriend still worries that she'll try to do something. I try to tell him its fine, but I can't promise anything. She is very unstable and her mother is also highly unstable. They are scheming and conniving and they both probably hate both of us right now... but especially me.

We know that she is looking at our facebooks and trying to make her relationship look as good as our's with profile pictures, etc. We know that she probably seems to think that my boyfriend will communicate with her again. She is lying to everyone about everything. My boyfriend feels like she isn't completely gone for good and that she'll try to come back and that it might not be pretty.

What should we do? We have no contact but my boyfriend can't help but intuitively feel like she'll be back..
Yeah, this girl just said something to me on Facebook. We have a mutual friend and I had commented on his facebook status and she decided to comment on it after me and insult me. I didn't respond because I refuse to sink to her level.
We know now that she is still "plotting" more or less and after me and seems to think that my boyfriend will talk to her again and she's incredibly jealous of our relationship. What now?


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  • Unfortunately, some people are just crazy. And mean. There isn't much you can do that you haven't already done.

    Make sure she can't see your Facebook (make it only friends), and make sure there isn't any way for her to get phone numbers or your address. Try and keep yourselves away from her or where she would be. The most you can do is avoid her and any involvement she might have in your lives. Hopefully she'll find someone else to stalk sooner or later.

    IF she should take it further and come back into your lives, keep records of it. If she starts calling all the time or harassing either of you by showing up at your house, at work, etc. keep records of when, where, and witnesses. The best defense you'll have if she should come back and start things again will be evidence of what she is doing. Not all states have stalking mandates but many do, and you can usually get restraining orders and somtimes it can end in jail time.

    • Thanks, yeah my boyfriend made sure that when he moved out she didn't know where she was going. We think she tried to find out where he was living because she had told him that some mail arrived for him after he had moved out and she was wondering what address to send it to and he simply told her, "I have no mail coming, and if any did, throw it out."

      About 2 weeks before he moved out she had started basically harrassing me via text one night when he was spending time with me

    • Telling me to "grow up" and that she and him were going to spend time together that night and that she cancelled plans with her mom (which wasn't true), and basically berating me. I almost considered filing a police report... was it a serious crime? No, but I thought it might be good to have something on file... I decided against it, and its probably too late now. The phone company probably has the records but that was back in late July. A few nights later her mother was absolutely screaming at

    • My boyfriend... saying, "what does a 19-year-old girl know about my daughter needing therapy? My daughter does not need therapy!!!" He was more than a bit freaked out... I almost wondered about this incident being harassment.

      We know that she probably is plotting something but might not go through with anything horrible, but there's a feeling that she'll try to get in contact. I almost wish she would too because she seriously needs help. I worry for her current husband...

  • That's fcked up. Only advice I can give is, If you really think she's gonna do something just be careful. It's a good thing you don't keep in contact with her keep it that way.


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