Can you remain friends with someone after a break up?

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  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
  • Are you kidding?
    Vote C
  • Depends
    Vote D
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What Guys Said 79

  • It is possible but rarely happens. It depends on many factors:

    Was it an amicable breakup?
    How long did you date?
    Does one of you still want to get back together?
    Have both of you moved in with other relationships?
    Will you feel jealous when you learn that your ex has a new SO?

    I broke up last year after a two year relationship. I decided to break up with her even though I still loved her (because I knew that she did not love me and never would.) I needed to avoid her for about three months and I started dating casually. I have seen her 4-5 times since August last year. We have met for dinner a few times and I took her to a concert (Trans-Siberian Orchestra) when my intended date did not materialize. We did not hold hands, we did not exchange a kiss at the end of the evening. . . and I still felt some pangs of regret. However, she is a good person, she is 66 years old, lives alone in a house, needs a guy to occasionally remind her of "homeowner" maintenance things; she needs help. If I remain a friend and can help her without doing any harm to myself, I will. I think we have both been mature in not blaming the other for the failure of our relationship and that has allowed us to maintain some friendship. This is an unusual set of circumstances. I have never previously been able to do this.

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  • If it was a bax break up, no. If we got along but just weren't a good fit, then yeah, chances are we're still friends.

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  • It's possible but it doesn't happen often. I have only ever done it once. She is still one of my best friends and I am going to her wedding in a few months.

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  • yes it depends. it requires that their is a strong platonic friendship aspect to the relationship and that they can move past the romantic aspect of the relationship after the break up.

    usually tough but certainly is possible to remain friends with an ex

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  • If you're busy enough. If you broke up because your lives were both moving in different directions, then neither party resents the other because you both had good reasons. However, if one of you was codependent on the other, or simply comfortable in your arrangement before the break up, then friendship might not be in the cards.

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  • You might not want to hear this but 21 is really barely an adult. Until you're in the mindset of a general 26 year old where you know that what they want isn't as important as it once was, which is to say - it isn't your problem if they're unhappy, but at the same time your friendship connection with them doesn't obligate, but inspires you to allow them to talk to you about these things. And don't get back with them. I don't care if he was your first, if he was there for you at one specific point in your life. If you guys broke up because of an issue, give that a long time to play out the insecurities you might not know you're still feeling in your heart. It's not fair to put yourself in pain because of nostalgia.

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  • I always try to remain friends but they don’t always want to do that. Only my first girlfriend is still my friend.

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  • Very very rarely. I had a girl who had a crush on me, a little crush and she loathes my existence since I rejected her. That's just a crush, relationships are far worse my exs are like fucking demon psychopaths.

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  • It's awkward and it can make it hard to get over them. Seeing your ex with someone else is just a sight that I don't like to see. Feelings will always be there somewhat. I just try to forget about them and move on because of the emotions.

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  • It's tricky. If you want to save a friendship it's best to give a six month cooling off period before trying to repair that bridge. If you make it that far and things go well try hanging out but don't bring up a new bf/gf for at least a year after becoming friends again.

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  • It's not impossible but it can be delicate to remain friends if you know too much about each other: that's not only after a relationship: it can be delicate without previous relationship. I knew people (co-workers and superiors) who started avoiding me because they knew I knew too much about them, their family and their wife.
    If your friends divorce and confessed some of their problems to you, they may start avoiding you too.
    What has been heard or seen can't be unheard or unseen.

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  • I have stayed friends with all my exes, though it might help that I'm not in a relationship now. I always feel that I saw something in them that I liked, and even if the relationship didn't work, I still value contact with them.

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  • Option D - It depends on the nature of the break up, if an amicable this isn't working and never will work , everything will be fine BUT I am happy to stay in the friendzone till you fall back in love with me, no, no, no, no - Any unrequited feelings, get out before one of you or both get really hurt.

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  • Its possible but it also does depend on why you both broke up

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  • Some can depends on how it happend and if it's a mutual break up

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  • Depends on the relationship I'm sure. Never happened to me though.

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  • I'm friends with almost every girl I've dated for any significant amount of time.

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  • In my experience girls always get butthurt so it's really hard. Also because I was an ass so yeah that kinda explains it

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  • I always try to, i find ex's i can talk to more openly about super personal things. But only 1/3 ever want to remain friends.

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  • Well at first time I'd say not, because the partner who is hurt would not be feeling comfortable. Perhaps after couple months, maybe year or years, this could be happen, but life usually continues forward and getting back into the past, doesn't bring any good things for you.
    Always depends on the partners each relationship is unique by itself.

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  • i am really good friends with my 3rd ex. It is really close friendship and even if we have feelings for each other we do not want to lose such close friend.

    With the last one, no I would not like to be friends. She is just too immature, she tends to run away when something serious starts to happen, plus she is boring.

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  • For my experience you can get along with each other, but not having a friendship indeed.

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  • Depends on how bad the break up was. Give yourselves a few months without contact/whatsoever and when you think its time, try to go back to being friends

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  • Depends on your definition of "friend". It's not likely you'll EVER be true friends after a break up, but just acquaintances. Like the song goes, soon he'll be "Just Somebody That You Used to Know".

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  • It takes me time but usually I'll come around again if you give me my space when I need it.

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  • all depends on the reason for the break up and if both parties were matured enough to admit they're suited more towards a platonic relationship.

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  • I am friends with many of my ex's, so yes it is possible.

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  • Yes, I always try to become friends after break ups. I prefer everyone to be friends rather than everyone being at each others throats

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  • Remain friends, that might be hard especially after a heavy breakup, but it's depends on the people involved too. I became friends with my ex again after we had the worst breakup I have ever experienced, it took a few years but we're friends again so yeah you can

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  • Depends on the reason you broke up but I don't think its fair on your new relationships to see the exes
    Best way is just to move on and if cheating was involved that is an absolute NO

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What Girls Said 65

  • I have some friends that experienced break up and couldn't see each other because it ended badly, but some other friends had good break up experience, in any case it is not easy to remain friends in my opinion

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  • No, and it perplexes the hell out of me on why people even do it. Why is that you couldn't get along when you're together but as soon as the relationship is over you're buddy buddy? That makes no sense to me, you both we either not that deep into the relationship, couldn't communicate well enough to each other, or have a problem with commiment. Now that that the relationship is over, it's like this huge weight has been lifted and now you're chill with each other? What? Like why couldn't you do that or make it work when you were together? My thing is if we couldn't work out together as a couple, we sure as hell can't work out as friends cause we're incompatible. Plus I don't want feelings to stir up again and there's no way in hell I'm sticking around to see the next girl you end dating, so we might as well say dueces and part ways.

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  • Yes, if the breakup was mutual and ended on good terms. Which is very rare. It happened to my brother and his latest ex, though. They knew they weren't the right fit for each other and both talked about how they were better as friends. They had a very quiet and healthy breakup. They meet for coffee occasionally.

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  • I try to, but sometimes they're dating someone new who doesn't like the idea of being friends with exes and we lose touch. I don't think I could with my current boyfriend just because the times we took a break I couldn't handle being in the same room with him.

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  • Sure, but it's not a good idea right away. You should take a long time apart to mane good and well certain that neither of you has any lingering feelings. You cannot be just friends with someone if either of you has romantic feelings for the other.

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  • No. I feel like it’s just too weird to go from an intimate romantic relationship into a platonic relationship 😐

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  • You guys can be civil, you don't necessarily have to be friends.
    It also depends on your relationship, I feel like if the break up was mutual and not drama central or anything, it's possible that you could remain friends.
    I would hope that if I got in a relationship with someone and we broke up we would remain friends.(assuming he didn't do me dirty or something)

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  • Not right away after a break up. Maybe later on when both of us are finally over each other. Because I cannot be just friends with someone I have feelings for. I will end up hurting myself or him.

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  • I'd prefer not to. If we were already friends and things didn't end too badly, I'd make an effort. The goal is usually to never see an ex again.

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  • I’m still friends with my first serious boyfriend. We broke up when we moved away to different colleges, but we still talk. We’ve both moved on from the relationship. He’s married now and I’m engaged, but we’re still friends and hangout some with his wife and my boyfriend as a group.

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  • if it was a respectful relationship & amicable break up & no one wants to get back together -sure. otherwise -nope.

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  • Yes, I have done it before.

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  • Waste of time

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  • No, once we split apart it's over forever. There's no point in forcing another connection, things just will never be the same again.

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  • “Two exes who can remain friends are either still in love, or never were.”
    I believe that rule applies to a T.

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  • It depends some what on what is the reason for the break up
    I voted yes any way, as for the most part I don't think its an issue, main reason for no i think will be if its as of betrayal or the like, and not just that you did not fit

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  • I'm friends with 2 of my ex's. The way I figure it is why lose the friendship just because it didn't work out being more? But my last ex wouldn't be friends with me. I think he was too hurt over losing me so he needed to hate me to move on.

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  • Depends on the person.
    I don't usually hold a grudge for long.
    But if the person doesn't want to be friends or he extremely hurt me and keeps hurting me.
    Then obviously I cut it off.

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  • it's normally very hard, if you started off as friends, maybe but whats your situation

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  • I still have a lot of love for some of my exes but they act awkward around me, so I've given up on being friends.

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  • Only if you still love each other or never loved each other

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  • Possible but I am not open to it.

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  • Never worked for me but everyone’s different.

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  • You can't remain friends with someone that once you were in love.

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  • I tried to

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  • Been there, done that.

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  • If things end on good terms definitely. Me and my ex are in the same friendship group, and although we kept our distance for some time we're not back to the same level of closeness as before we can still hang out with eachother

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  • If I still have feelings for them, no. If I don't, then yes it's possible. But I haven't remained friends with any of my exes because they just wanted me back. One of them I told off and then he told me off in return and we haven't spoken since.

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    • haha, just what happend to me! My ex was an alien, she didn't live on this planet. I told her off but she didn't even care enough to tell me off, or she just realized what she did and couldnt say anything back.. I did ask for an explanation which I didn't get.

  • Nope. Screw them lol

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  • It depends. Not straight away as you need the space to heal but eventually you can be, yes.

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