Why isn't my boyfriend getting back together with me?

I'll sum up what happened: We started fighting a lot (to the point of him crying, I kept picking fights with him), he asked for a break.

Yesterday, he and two friends came over to celebrate one of my friends' birthday. In the beginning it was awkward, but pretty soon, after a week of coldness, he put his arms around me again, kissed me, and told me I looked beautiful. Before he left we sat on my bed and he apologized for everything, and I apologized. I was SO happy we were made up.

Halfway down the stairs, he goes: I'm so glad we can be friends.

No. Wait. What? WHAT?

Me: ...friends...?

Him...yeah?

Me: so...you basically led me on tonight?

Him: I didn't mean to, but I still think we need time apart from each other

I asked him if he was serious and if there were any girls involved, etc, etc. No, apparently.

I went to my room and cried, my friends came to comfort me and told me to call him and tell him it's either "yes" or "no". I did so, and he said "Lili, I still like you, but I want to wait this out, we keep fighting every day and we both need time to change before we can be together again. We've always tried to make up but it's never worked, it's the same cycle".

I told him that I CAN change, and to just take me back now, but all he could say was "It doesn't work that way, we need some time apart". In addition, I asked "Are we taking this break to work on our relationship?" and he said "I don't know, maybe".

In the end, I said "Look, it's either be with me NOW or not" and he said "Then maybe it's best we separated...not that that's what I want but if we can't have a break then sorry".

I politely said "okay" and hung up. He didn't sound extremely happy about it, but he seemed content enough, because through text I asked him "are you sure this is the right thing to do?" and he said "I really think it is" and I asked him if he's okay with me seeing other people and he said "Whatever makes you happy".

I don't understand what happened at all, we were holding each other again and the night ended on THIS note...what went wrong?


0|0
36

Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, he's crying and you continued to pick fights with him. I wouldn't want you back either. You girls need to quit it with the head games and the "chase". You sound like the problem in the relationship, not him. He doesn't like it when you create fights, and you took his gesture of kindness totally wrong as well. He was being a gentleman and told you that you looked nice that evening. No one wants to be in a relationship where they fight over and over. No one wants to play the games either. I will never for the life of me understand why when you ladies have something good, you create drama and fights. It pushes us away. You think you can change, but once everything gets comfortable again, you will go back to your old ways. An ultimatum on now or never didn't help either. Honestly you sound immature and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with you. If you did love and care about him, and he asked for space- give it to him. Pressuring him into getting back together with you isn't the way to go. Make a mental note too, STOP PLAYING GAMES.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Your a f**king hero bro, your words go deep.

    • Thanks man, just trying to help us out. Keep fighting the good fight though brother. It will eventually pay off.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • I can tell when you what's going on with him. you have hurt him. And now he is healing and is not ready to get back with you. He wants to completely heal first. Now that you're pushing yourself up on him , you pushing him away. you need to let him alone for a while. Let his emotions settle for a while. He was talking to you that night, he was trying to find out how much you are changing. but obviously much change hasn't been done, because you almost instigated a fight.

    Give him some space, and he will return if its worth it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You were a bitch to him, he dumped you for it, and now he's trying to be your friend because he has no interest in you being his girlfriend anymore. What's confusing about this?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I like your typing :P Now back on topic.. um.. what went wrong? Maybe you want him back to fast... he requested for a break and you both agreed to take a break from each other correct?

    "Look, it's either be with me NOW or not" ,You sound a bit controlling to if you don't mind me adding.

    Us men need are time.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks :) I know, ugh, I talked to one of his friends and she told me he said I was trying to manipulate him in getting him back.

    • Seriously though, how MUCH time do you guys need?! I've been going through the same thing as phantom-sausages and it's been four months and I don't know what I'm meant to be doing, if I should bring it up again (we last mentioned getting back together in June) and it's just like DUDE, I've changed- you KNOW that I've been working on myself so WHEN are you going to come to your senses and come back...grr.

    • Lol don't take out your angry on me Crimson_Petal rofl.. Every man has his standards and circumstances.. maybe a year is enough for him.. maybe a week.. Who knows.. I never took breaks in my previous relationships.. we just broke up.

  • You need to give him time. You keep fighting with him and he's clearly upset it... I would be angry and upset and he's probably the same. Just give him a week or two and when he's ready he'll contact you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You should have left him and given him his time.. He needs it, so give it to him if you ever want to get back with him.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • You need to change. Obviously, that is all he ever wanted you to do. Instead, you chose to pick fights to the point of making him cry..

    Why couldn't you just give him some time and show him you changed?

    If you actually loved him, and wanted to be with him, you wouldn't have given him this ultimatum.. Sorry babe, but this isn't his fault.

    0|0
    1|0
  • That night he saw and remembered something that he had TRUE feelings for.

    That night he was in love with you, but as you guys where walking down the stairs he remembered how you guys use to fight a lot, and that negative energy is something he doesn't want around him. He's asking to take a break because like he said "it's a cycle" and I think he's right. Take a chill pill for a little while. If you love him you will try to change your ways, stop picking fights. There's only so much a man could take.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He is not worth it.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;