HELP! Is this real proof he is cheating on me?

First of all we have been together for 4 years and he's Muslim so he is not allowed to have female friends. He forbids me to have guy friends so I don't. I respect that.

The red flag though is that he has female friends on his MSN chat list. I found out accidentally while I was checking his MSN profile. This new feature on MSN allows you to see who your friends have added recently. I found out he has a lot of women on his MSN chat list and most of them come from or nearby the city he moved to recently, 2 hours from the city I live.

He tells me I'm the only girl for him and wants to marry me. But while he says all that his actions don't match... I haven't seen him in months (traveling is expensive and I lost my job so money is tight..he is jobless as well. Plus we agreed long ago to save money to move in together.). I can't remember the last time we had sex. He calls me 1 time in 2 weeks from his friends phone and doesn't have a phone where I can reach him since his last one broke. Also he has been online on MSN a few times without letting me know.

What should I do? Is he cheating? Should I confront him?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I come from a muslim family am not religious nor consider myself a muslim anyway... but I need to correct you and tell you that No in Islam it is allowed to have female friends as long as you do not have sex with them or romantically involved and sex on the other hand is not allowed if you re not married. You re saying that you two have sex so that is a sin in Islam and a bigger sin than just having female friends!

    Honestly, no he doesn't seem to be cheating on you, because having friends on MSN is normal, I have tons of guy friends on the messenger and on the MSN profile page I only have like 3 or 4.

    You should be able to trust him and if there is no trust then there is no point of this relationship.

    If he lost his job recently that doesn't mean that he is cheating on you because he doesn't call you enough.. its pretty expensive to call someone everyday specially when you had just lost your job.. you could use emails till things get better and maybe he could get a new cell phone that is cheap or something to use for the mean time.

    Wait for him to contact you and when he does ask him if he could get a new cell so you could reach him, then you could actually tell him that you re allowed to have friends just as he is allowed to be friends with these chicks or whoever.

    Long distance relationships are hard and all you need is patience, trust and communication.

    Try not to be controlled by him from now and on.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Though people might feel otherwise, my instincts say he's cheating on you..

    He's saving you for a rainy day (When he's short of other girls).

    I'm sorry for the rough language I used here.

    Good luck!

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  • you should break up with him, because it sounds like someone might get hurt.

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  • definitely cheating. I'd bet on it

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  • well, I know how it feels but my advive for you is to brake up with him.

    seriously, there is no reason trying to cling on him. he lieves in another city and you can't see him, he doesn't caal or write you or anything and he has obviously female friends, which he said he wouldn't because of his religion, so he lies to you, too.

    there are like a thousand reasons to cheat on him or get a new boyfriend.

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What Girls Said 10

  • girl, 1st of all I am a muslim and never Islam says not to have opposite gender friends. you can have friends from opposite gender, but the interaction is limited, to protect your dignity (this is the main reason for not allowed to be touching and so on). 2ndly, he don't have rights to prohibits you from making friends with others, as he's not your husband yet. 3rdly, if he's such a good muslim, not allowing you to have male friends and he himself not having any girl friends, he won't be having sex with u, nor planning to move out with you before marriage, these 2 is big sin in the religion. all I can say is, your boyfriend seems like he's not being honest, especially when he prohibits you from making male friends except him while himself got a list of female friends in msn. I think you should sit down and discuss with him. and try to learn more about the religion itself so he will not manipulate it against u, because that's how it seems here. I hate when people pretend to be pious and talks about religion when it only matches their interest and don't bother about every other aspect of it seriously... you can always mail me here to ask more about the religion if he started to give you a sermon about it, I will try my best to answer your question. good luck :)

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  • Uhm, excuse me, but prohibiting you from having friends is not only controlling, but also detrimental to your own well-being. You need friends. You don't live close to him, who are you supposed to interact with? Forget about whether you're being cheated on or not, focus on not being controlled by a man and becoming your own person.

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  • My boyfriend cheated on me for 3 years... so, I'm going to tell you what happened to me. My boyfriend also had double standards. Before I even knew that he was cheating on me, he always asked more of me than he could offer. I tried to be understanding and even though it wasn't fair, I tried my best to make him happy because if I got him upset then he wouldn't even have the desire to see me, I loved him so much. He always gave me these chats, telling me why I should do this and why I shouldn't do something else. Plus, he was always suspicious of me, for no reason. I was faithful to him all along.

    After learning that he had been cheating. One big thing I noticed was, HE WAS ALWAYS SUSPICIOUS OF ME. I think one sign that your boyfriend is cheating is if he's overly suspicious of you. Basically, the reason why he was suspicious was 'cause he was doing all those things. For instance, I was involved in a religious club at school, he didn't even want me to go. Why? Because he thought the guys that attended the club would try to get involved with me. He said, "they're only there to meet girls". What I realized about how he understood things and how he seemed to know so much was cause HE WAS THAT GUY. He was the guy going to places, trying to meet other girls.

    One other big sign that he was cheating on me was that he was not calling me very much. During final exams week, during college, he would tell me in advance, "im going to study and be really busy, so don't be upset or sad if I don't spend time with you or call you". Also, I would see him maybe once every 2-3 weeks.

    The reason I know that these were signs of cheating is because HE TOLD ME. It may sound crazy, but I am actually with this guy. The fact was all I ever wanted him to do was be truthful to me. Even if he was cheating, I wished that he would've been honest, so I can make my own decisions. So, if your boyfriend is cheating, don't think that you're not worth it because I'm sure you are a great person. I did everything in my power to make him happy and everyone I knew always said I did too much and thought I was even crazy for letting him be that way, but I had hope in him. Of course there is a such thing as forgiveness... but, don't be willing to be with him, if he's not willing to do EVERYTHING YOUR WAY. You deserve it for him to PROVE TO YOU that he would throw his selfish desires, for your love. To gain back your trust.

    I'm gonna be honest with you. Him calling you once in 2 weeks is an excuse. There are payphones everywhere and it costs only 25-50 cents to make a call. Are you worth more than 1-2 quarters? YES! HE IS NOT DOING ENOUGH. He thinks you'll wait for him, so he's taking advantage of it. Also, he is a hypocrite, he's talking to girls when you're not. UNFAIR!

    I actually found proof that he was cheating on me through MSN. On the updates it showed he was talking to an ex-gf of his and when I checked her profile, there were recent pictures of them together at her house.

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  • calls you 1 time in 2 weeks ? :S he should really be making more of a effort, and if your gut feeling is telling you that he's cheating..he probably is..

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  • I don't know if he's cheating...but girl, what kind of relationship is that? Not seeing each other for months, not talking to each other for weeks...do you even have his address and number?

    Srsly, I would end this, it's just ridiculous.

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  • He's probably cheating.. if he's calling you that less.

    and how would he like it if you had so many males on

    ur msn?

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  • I wouldn't say it's honest to god proof that you can know for a fact he's cheating, but it does sound pretty damn suspicious. Talk to him about it at least, and you probably should break up with him.

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  • Sorry if this will appear harsh, but he doesn't seem to care very much about you.

    He may tell you that you are the only one blah blah blah, but he doesn't seem to act like it.

    Look at how he treats you. Does It seem like the way you treat somebody you love?

    And the MSN thing. I wouldn't even trust him with my socks.

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  • well unfortunately you may be on the right track in suspecting him.

    1. he forbits you to have male friends, but he maintains chat relationships with other women who are in close proximity to him

    2. his actions don't match his words

    3. you haven't seen him in months but he has time to chat with women on his MSN list, how do you know he's not seeing them?

    4. he calls you once in 2 weeks

    5. you can't reach him online

    confront him and tell him how you feel.

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  • Yeah, definitely confront him. Something isn't right

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