Struggling to get over my ex?

It's been almost 10 months since she left me. Was a pretty terrible break-up. She betrayed me. Had a new boyfriend almost instantly. I have not had any contact with her for almost 4 months now. I don't reply to her emails. But I cannot get her out of my head. What is so weird, is that if and when I check her facebook profile, I'm more interested in her new boyfriend (not in a gay sense). I'm not even interested in her, just the person she deemed better than me. This suggests what I'm experiencing is more about rejection than missing her, although I do miss her. We were together four years. She went abroad to study. Broke up with me while away, and I've never see her again. She is coming home soon for a short visit, if she contacts me should I ignore her?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have recently gone through the exact same thing (but I'm a girl). Dumped after a serious relationship, he has a new girlfriend "the one" 2 1/2 months later, and the hole checking/comparing on Facebook. So I completely understand how you feel.

    If you are struggling to get over her and you know it, it would probably be best to stay away from her. Ask yourself "At this point, what could seeing her/talking to her possibly do to help the situation?"

    It's really really difficult NOT to get caught in the trap of comparing yourself to the new boyfriend, but remember this: You were exactly who you are when you started dating (of course we grow, but I mean at the core) and that was enough for her (or anyone) to want to date you. So you are still you and still worthy of being wanted for the relationship. She didn't pick this guy because she deemed him "better" than you-she deemed him better for HER. And maybe it was a totally selfish and self-centered call of her to make, but that was her decision and it doesn't mean your stock suddenly dropped :) You are still you, and there is someone out there who won't trade you like a baseball card just because they get bored or whatever. This is on her-she made the decision and unfortunately you feel like you are stuck with the consequences of HER but you're NOT. I won't say she doesn't deserve you because she's some terrible person, but she doesn't deserve you because she willingly gave you up and that means she has given up the right to have any hold or sway over you.

    And if you find yourself comparing to the new boyfriend or even to your ex, just redirect the comparing. Never ever change for someone else, but if the break up has made you notice things that YOU want to change for YOU - then hop to it! And seriously, stay off of her FB page- Facebook isn't even real-it's just the sunniest side of the street. No one is ever going to post a pick of their new sig other first thing in the morning before they've showered. Just don't even go there.

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    • Wise words. Damn its not easy though. Rejection is so powerful. I have never been more hurt in my whole life. I really just want to forget her and move on. I'm not sure why I'm so stuck in the past, because it really is time to get on with life. But thank you for your advise...

    • I know it's always easier said than done. That's where time comes into play. It will just take time and effort on your part to do what you know is healthiest for yourself.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Ignore her bro...its for the best (on your part). What always seems to work for me when getting someone out of my head is to keep busy and if you do think about her think of the bad things! This girl was in a relationship with you and then went away and screwed some other guy! think about that, what a bitch. Your better than her bro (I hope), so just let it go and she will get her comeuppances,hope for the herps! lol only kidding...not really.

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  • im kind of going through the same thing. I still haven't decided if I'm going to completely cut her off yet. its really hard man.

    youre in a weird situation. id definitely keep the contact limited. you're in the position of power now. its time for you to see if she wants you. and if you want her. she may have just wanted to have some space when she went away. girls hardly ever know what they want. they want the boyfriend, the ex boyfriend to be the friend and they want attention from every other guy around them. they don't ever want to feel like they do anything wrong.

    i wouldn't contact her, but I would try to make her know you are doing absolutely fine with out her. at least that way you can tell if she's interested in you still. I'm pretty positive she will get in touch with you some way when she gets home. you were together for four years and that's a long time to try and forget anyone. she hasn't forgotten you. she picked up a rebound guy because she must be hurt...you never mentioned why you broke up, I'm just assuming because she was leaving and maybe you and her were in a bad place, so she decided this was all she needed to leave you. plus...she had the new guy so she knew she would have some comfort when she would start missing you. girls plan these things out man.

    just don't be needy. don't be clingy. don't give her that much attention if she calls u. just let her know that you are fine. you are doing great and that way she will now feel rejected. she will then evaluate her current situation. if she wants you in her life she will let you know. but make sure you know what you want. friendship, relationship, etc...

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    • Thanks for all the reply's. They have helped a lot. To be honest, I don't know what I want. I think my pride would make it totally impossible for me to ever have a relationship (in any form) with her again. She really has been sh*t to me, and despite our numerous problems, we were very close. She is telling the world how happy she is with this new guy, yet still emails me every month or so...which I don't understand. Plus I don't reply. As for why we broke, and think it was she met this new guy.

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