Why do people remain friends after a break up?

I am curious, I have heard a lot of people say why you shouldn't be friends after a break up. Just cut them out of your life, and such like that. But I have found that me and my ex (she broke up with me) have gotten along alright. She has begun dating another guy (I have never personally met this guy, she does not talk to me about him ever). We hang around once a week or once every two weeks. I enjoy her company, she enjoys my company. The reason why we broke up was a long list (as girls usually do to try and justify) but after time I know its because 1) I never protected her the way she wanted to, 2) I am not a out going type of guy, I hang around friends but I don't drink that much and my parties are usually small (basically felt held back) 3) Don't fit that well into her family (they are very social people, mine are blue collar workers). I am not 100% sure, but that is what I have gathered from what she had told me. I have my emotion's in check and really not as interested in a drunk party girl who values that more then a person for who they are, also my life is not suited for a girl friend. I don't have a lot of money and I am very busy and focused on my degree. What do you guys think of my question, what's your opinion of friends with an ex? and also what about my situation?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You've said it- your life isn't suited for a girlfriend- for responsibility of maintaining a relationship. She's still friends with you, hoping it'll turn around. I have never stayed friends with an ex or even a guy I met and dated for a little bit.

    I think guys are friends with ex's for various reasons. Girls stay friends with ex's because they get something from the guy-albeit someone to fix her car, a guy to just chill with, free dinner, etc. Or maybe she's just too nice to end the relationship entirely.

    I guess the question could be flipped. Why do you still hang out with her especially knowing she's dating another guy and the fact she broke up with you? Why are you still sticking around?

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    • I am hanging around her because I miss her some days, and just the fact that I still enjoy her company. I also guess, deep inside I have not let go of her enough to be without her in my life. I am not sure more then that, my emotions have been out of whack lately. What does that tell you?

    • It tells me that you want companionship but you don't want to be tied down. you have the ability to walk away without really hurting someone. but what I don't think you realize is that it can be hurtful either way-staying in a relationship you're not 100% in and keeping someone on the side. I think you just need to be honest with yourself and with the chick. I hope this helps.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I have an ex who I am very good friends with. We dated for about 2 years when I was younger, about 4 years ago. We went about a month or 2 with NC after the breakup, it was not my idea, I also tried contact bc i wanted him to talk to me, be my friend and forgive me then, anyways my being forceful never made him cave, til one day, he picked up the phone. Woo was I happy. We've been best friends since. He was there through my miscarriage, my relationship with a lazy jealous jackass, and my break up. I was there for his as well, he and a woman got a place together, she had a kid, he got all kinds of attached and she did him dirty. He has a new girl now, we talk frequently, about EVERYTHING. He's also still really close to my family, he goes and visits, he takes his gf too.

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  • i can understand what you say cause every guy I broke up with him we remain friends

    to be honest I don't tell all my friends cause they don't understand it and see it as I want to b back with the guy again

    but to me as we understand very well we can't be together for some reasons why don't we act as a civilezed people for sure this guy understand me well and I like his advices to me and I'm pretty sure he want my best

    it hurt a littel at start but I like to keep in touch to know how he is going and how is his life

    but I think maybe this cause I still don't have a guy in my life cause he won't accept such a friendship which will cause a lot of headache to me

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  • I think exs can be great friends. I know my best friend ever is actually my ex boyfriend but we get along great and we are able to share everything with each other. As far as your situation goes just be friends, who cares what people say if you guys get along and want to be friends then be friends no one can stop you.

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  • Well in a lot of cases people are just better as friends then they are as couples. I am personally friends with 3 of my ex's. We just didn't mesh as couples but we make really great friends.

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What Guys Said 1

  • No idea. I could never do it (I'm struggling now, I miss her..) but I could never stand so close to her and not lean in to kiss her and I certainly couldn't see her with another boy, it would kill me. So I don't know why. Maybe girls use it as an excuse to "soften the blow" when they break up with you?

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    • I think you're right. there are several reasons, but I agree, girls stay friends to lessen the blow... especially if you weren't even friends before hand... let's just be honest, when people break up it's never mutual...

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