My ex wants to meet - HELP!

Long story short. I dated my ex for 4 years. She went overseas to study for a year. About 2 months into the trip she broke up with me claiming she needed time to be alone and find herself. BS. She had met a new guy, started dating him right away. Lied to me, treated me like dirt...blah blah. I crumbled at first, begged and pleaded. She just got meaner and harsher. Eventually I pulled myself together and implemented strict no contact. She has consistently emailed me, but I stopped replying about 4 months ago. Now, after almost a year, she is coming home for a short holiday. She is still with the guy she cheated on me with. She wants to "meet up". Now usually I'd tell her to 'f' off. The only thing is the last time I saw her, she was my girlfriend. And I almost feel I need to see her in the flesh to put this whole things behind me. But I'm not fully over her yet..What should I do? And girls, why is she even bothering to get in contact with me?

Have decided to just ignore her. If and when the time comes I feel I can sit with her in a room and she has no sway over me, I'll meet her. Thanks for all the advise.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi,

    Allow me to add my 10 cents :) You may not believe but my situation pretty similar, therefore I think I may understand you. About 2 months ago my girlfriend left to 1.5 months vacation to her country (visiting her family there). After 1 week she broke up with me (on Skype) saying she still loves me, but need her time and space...whatever...we were not in contact for almost 1 month. I came to the airport to meet her (naively thinking she will be nicely surprised), but instead saw her with her X-bf. This is not end of the story...few days after I also get known (from her mum) that she is pregnant from this guy...this is also not the end though...Next day she is calling me crying and saying she is confused, does not understand how this all happened and still does not know what to do...also she asked me if I will consider to take her back...It was our first and the last conversation since she came back...

    Now, of course I understand your bitterness and frustration...but I put some thinking into this and first of all my conclusion was that she didn't cheated on me. She did ask for a break up. The problem was mine - that I convinced myself to believe that this is not for real. I think in your situation it is similar - sorry to say it, but I think your girlfriend didn't cheat on you. She did what is was good for her at this moment, you can not blame her for this. I know this is hurts, but try to look on things from her perspective. She did what she needed to do. It could be cheating if she didn't break from you before. I think this is our problem that we still have some not realsitic hopes after being dumped.

    Now, regarding meeting - I also have similar dilemma. So, first of all you should ask yourself what are your expectation from this meeting ? What is the best outcome that you can expect (for you). Is it achievable ? IMHO, she wants to see you - just to make herself feel better, no one like to feel a "hoer". So what I did, I installed call/sms filtering application on my mobile - I can see if she called/texted, but for her I am disconnected. I know that she knows how and where to find me, so at least if she wants to meet me, I would expect her to make some additional effort. If she not willing to do this effort, I think this meeting is useless. You will gain nothing from it, only more pain.

    Hope it helps a little bit...


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What Girls Said 1

  • Tell her to take a hike! Some insecure women like to know they have a backup plan in case who they have now doesn't work. Have some self esteem and tell her you are not interested in her popping in and out of your life when it suits her needs.


What Guys Said 2

  • If your not fully over her then you shouldn't see her. Seeing her and knowing that she cheated and is in a relationship with that guy will not bring you closure, it will give HER closure. Don't see her and then when you are sure you a totally over her you can meet her next time she requests.

    Trust me when I say that if you see her and your not over her it will just be taking a step back.

    • I hear you man. It's a tough spot. If I meet her and act all cool and unfazed she gets closure, thinking I'm fine and what she did wasn't so bad. If I tell her what a sh*t she is, she gets the power back. If I ignore her, she still thinks she has sway over me. I just want her to know that what she did was wrong. It's not okay.

  • NEVER talk to this girl again, ever. Why would you give her the satisfaction of having you in her life when she deserves less? Girls do this all the time to see if they have power over you. It only benifits her, leaves you in limbo, gives your false hope, puts her on her pedistal, and makes you look stupid in the process and guess what? She is getting a kick out of it laughing at you secretly! Even when you get over her still don't see her. Don't talk to her, no emails, no texts, nothing. Move on, move forward, live your life, date other girls. Her happiness should never be your concern again since your happiness doesn't matter to her. Have a back bone and stay away from her.


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