Marriage, sex and abuse.. help?

So when I was a child, I was raped. I never delt with the issues and just pushed it deep inside me. I'm married now, 13 years. A few years back (6) I left my husband. I decided I wanted out. I was gone for 2 weeks and then changed my mind. The problem was our sex life. After that, he was angry and he pretty much ignored me except for when he wanted sex. He was mean, he used me and ignored me for 2 full years. I told myself that I deserved it for putting him through pain. Then one day he just got better. He tried to be like back when we first met. I was not very interested in sex at this point, I had sexual aversion and hated his touch. He would try to touch me when I was sleeping, he came on my face when I was sleeping.. making me feel unsafe while I slept. Sometimes he would offer me dinner out if I would have sex with him, or to go to a museum that I had wanted to go to. Needless to say. We are in marriage counseling. He's nice to me now, but he doesn't do anything unless he gets something out of it. I asked him where my Vday card was and he asked what he would get out of giving me one. When I tolf him I no longer loved him, he threatened me and told me that if he was just family.. he would be the dirty uncle. The therapist has told me to get him a barbie and that sex with him would probably push me even further into dislike right now. So now I'm about to start hypnosis for rape in the past. After a course of therapy she said that we could start trying to improve intimacy between us with a program. No sex. But starting with hand holding and occasional back rubs. Eventually after 8 weeks, we could resume sex. But therapy first and he would have to learn how to be more understanding of my abuse. He's upset because he found out that he's not getting sex and that the therapist isn't telling me to suck it up. Am I unreasonable to expect him to do without for now? We are told to try just dating each other again right now. Help please! I'm really trying to fix this.
Marriage, sex and abuse.. help?
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