Open relationship, separation or divorce... I'm so confused?

Im a 34 female. I been married 10 years we have 3 kids. Sex has always been bad but I married him for love. Im never sexually satisfied. These past 3 years I really feel checked out of my relationship and this past year I find myself checking out other guys. I never did that before. My husband is aware of all of this as I been very honest. My husband is very happy in the relationship. I brought up divorce as I am so unhappy but truthfully I can't imagine life without him. He don't want a divorce either. I asked him for an open relationship. I feel guilty asking for this but I'm so unhappy. He don't want to do it. Then sometimes he says yes, then no. I told him I'm scared I might cheat on him. I just want to have satisfying sex. I need to be touched. I cry over this. I thought an open relationship could be an attempt to try something different. I feel I'm beeing selfish but I can live without sex anymore. I mean we have sex it's just so bad. I don't know what to do.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can see u love him and sex isn't everything, and he loves u so much that even he agreed on sometimes that u can have an open relationship, no guys/husband do that until they really care for Ur happiness.
    Who will be there for u when u will be older in the late 40s then sex won't matter, only the care and love would, u just wanna get satisfaction in sex I get it, go and have with someone but I must tell you don't ever leave Ur husband, also think about your 3 kids, they would be devastated n they won't be able to get love from both parents together, always it will be in their mind that u guys are seperated.
    Trust me Ur husband loves u more than u love him and that's very hard to get.
    Prostitutes get sex all the time but they don't have a love life, although they wish for love but hardly someone comes out of blue and love a prostitute.

    Don't divorce Ur husband, n think for a solution.

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    • Wow... all that was very well said and thank you for not leaving a nasty comment like some of the others. I'm just hurt and confused and needed to vent. I do love him but I can't help the feeling that come sometimes I really miss being touched.

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    • Also please pm me if u want to know more because I won't let this relationship end

    • Thank you

Most Helpful Girl

  • teach him how to get better or what you want unless you're unhappy because he is too small down there?

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    • Even if he is too small, he has hands, a mouth, and a brain. He can use one or more to figure something out.

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    • He's actually extremely big. He's just not good at sex. He says so himself. We tried to work on sex, I told him what I like, what he needs to do. It never seems to help he's just bad at it. I just miss being touched and it feeling good... 10 years is a long time.

    • I'm sure there are couples workshops and marriage counselors who can help with that. If he's big, the rest is simply learning which I know he's capable of. Maybe he just needs a professional to teach you both stuff. The important thing is to not ruin a marriage over this.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Divorce him. You don't love him, probably never did. You knew ahead of time the sex was unsatisfying. You CHOSE this guy, supposedly for love. Now you want permission to cheat. That's not love. You can't stop thinking about yourself long enough to value him and your marriage. You fucked up, and now the only right thing to do is leave and get a divorce. Let him find a woman who actually loves and values him while you go find someone who fucks you the way you want.

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    • 10 years of only satisfying my husband is love? Sex is about being touched also. I miss being touched, caressed, good foreplay. He even says he's bad at sex. I tell him what to do he's just bad at it. We joke around about it, he has bad coordination lol. We actually have great communication that's why we talk about it but after 10 years of not being satisfied its human to want it. Asking about the open relationship was for both of us. He dont want an open relationship but he's ok with me being with a girl but not a guy. I said he can be with a girl. I'm trying to spice things up because they are dull in the bedroom. He only likes the same old positions. Can you understand how much it hurts to not be satisfied by the person you love? I actually no people in open relationships, they say it made their relationship very strong. Please don't put me down 10 years is an extremely long time to live unsatisfied. Can you live without sex? Why put me down for that? I love my family and I'm hurt.

  • Sex is a skill, like art, or music. No one is born good at it, though some (empathic, maybe?) seem to have a knack for it and pick it up quickly.

    Sounds like your problem isn't a lack of sex, but a lack of touch. You say he's bad at it. how so? And what kind of feedback are you giving him?

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    • We actually have great communication as far as me being able to be honest with him. I tell him what I like and don't like. We actually joke around about how bad he is in bed. He says so himself. He has no coordination he can't be gentle. Different positions don't really intreast him. I love him I just miss being touched and having it feel good.

    • Touch-starved. Very common. consider therapy. And don't believe for a minute he can't be gentle. If that were true, your kids would not have survived first contact.

    • Yes that's exactly what's going on. I really miss being touched. You get it. These comments are so nasty people think I just want sex from someone else, not true. After 10 years of not being satisfied I always just delt with it but now I'm hurting. Im feeling guilty for feeling this way. I been putting myself down a lot for it. I just can't help it I missed being touched.

  • I would say, try something new, a new position, take his hand and coach him a little on how and where to touch to turn you on. Maybe try new locations also sometimes having sex somewhere else other than the norm it can get people to become a little creative and experience diffrent things

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  • Talk to him more, if he really want this to work we needs to find ways to satisfy you, use some toys some lubes, have him eat you and touch you in new ways. Fuck even see a sex worker so you can both get the help you guys need. Aftee that, ask him if he would be okay with a open relationship again, have you told him that he can see other women as well?

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    • Yes I told him he can see other women. I also have tried to tell him what I like in bed. I like a little more excitement in the bedroom. He is just comfortable with the same old same old every single time. Toys are fun but it feels better to be touched by someone. Thats why I brought up the open relationship thing maybe the excitement of domeone new would help us both. It wasn't hard to bring up the open relationship we actually have great communication. He's just not good at sex he even says it. I love him I'm not looking to leave him I just really miss being touched and have it feel good.

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    • Actually he said he is completely comfortable if I want to date girls. He don't want me with another guy.

    • Would you be okay with a girl giving you the attention you need?

  • God gave us vibrators for a reason. As for "touching" he should be able to satisfy you in that way...

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    • Oh c'mon you can't believe some deity gave people vibrators when the act of masturbation itself is seen as a sin for religious people. Either way she should try to coax him through better sex because she knows what she wants. And it's better than ruining a marriage because the sex sucks. If everything else is going great. Communication is key. But I do fully agree with him being the only one touching her, and satisfying her. It doesn't hurt to talk about what she wants sexually.

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