Why do I want my cheating ex back?

He cheated by sexting another girl. I found out by snooping (wrong i know). I am not sure, but i want him back. I still love him and i still care about him. He told me “i want to be with you, but i do not deserve you”. And he told me “maybe in the future we can try again, but i don’t deserve you and i need to fix myself because i became a dark and evil person and hurt you”. I am not sure if he truly believes this. I have pushed him away by constantly arguing with him and letting my anger out on him. He blocked me now, which is best. He didn’t block me on social media though, so i could always reach out to him. But, i won’t. I am not sure why i want him back, maybe because i love him and believe he can be a better person with time. Maybe in a few months once i get my self-esteem back, i won’t want him.
Why do I want my cheating ex back?
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