Why can't I let this go? I don't want to go on like this

My ex left me because I was not fun and that I kept my focus on school rather then her. I know that at the time I didn't mind because I wanted her to be happy to do what she wanted to do. We had broken up once before, and well that was due to the fact I fell apart as a person, and to admit I am still not 100% myself still, but mostly myself. She also felt like she was going to be held back if she had stayed with me and different things. I knew she had fallen out of love with me and well I couldn't deal with the relationship, and currently I still believe that I can't deal with any relationship at the moment. She has moved on to another guy, now this guy compared to me from what I have gathered, is just a fun guy, a guy who does what she wants and everything (he is a party animal, very social, I am some what the opposite). As I sat at my desk today working on my projects, I couldn't stop wondering what if I did try a bit harder in the relationship, opened up more and showed my feelings. I regret not showing certain emotions that this guy shows, I regret not trying as hard in the relationship then I did, I also regret not treating her right. I wish I could tell her how I feel without seeming odd, since we have been friends, its been a year today that we broke up the first time and I know that our chemistry did die down, it was just a major spark between us when we started dating and from what I have gathered its similar to the way these two have started. I just guess I am jealous of this new guy, but I just seem to let go of her and the regrets I have.

Updates:
Also please note, I am a some what serious guy, where he is a very laid back chilled guy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't kick yourself. I know easier said than done but what is done is done. Maybe she just wasn't the one for you. Some girls like the serious, quiet guy. I know I would rather stay home with my man than go partying any day. You just need to find that girl. You really need to stop blaming yourself because it takes two to end a relationship. I am sure in the relationship she made mistakes too. Don't compare yourself to this other guy if you do it will just eat you up inside trust me! It sounds like you haven't really got any closure and haven't got all of your feeling out. I have found that it helps to write out your feelings and then re-read it within a couple weeks. If you still feel the same way maybe talk to somebody about it...if your friends with her tell her you want closure. By the way if she was the one, it would have been easier for you to open up. Maybe you were just looking for a companionship and she was just there. Breaking up is hard but trust me it gets better with time. You will find somebody who fits your personality better. This person you will feel comfortable sharing your feelings with and will except you for who you are not what she wants you to be. Don't lose hope it is out there. In the meantime surround yourself with people who like your personality. If your feeling a little bland try something new and exciting with friends and have a good time.

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    • Actually it generally was until I went into a depression and until I was told not to say anything to her, since at the time my family was dealing with a member who was suicidal and didn't want it to be told to anyone, I didn't tell her until a month before we broke up, I told her basically everything fairly easily, it was just until near the end of our second try did I find it hard to tell her how I felt, and even now its hard since she has a bf.

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What Girls Said 4

  • how long has your ex and the new guy been dating? this really sucks and is hard to accept but if they've been dating for quite sometime now, then you should probably let it go especially since you said it's been a year since ya'll been broken up. than again, it doesn't hurt to try. if you at all think she may still have feelings for you, you should definitely talk to her (only if you're willing to change). everyone has their preferences though... I've dated to many guys that have partied to much and would rather date a laid back guy now. so don't beat yourself up for for the kind of person you are. her loss :)

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  • Stop worrying about how you should be, just be comfortable with who you are. That is very important because you have to live with yourself all the time and you will find someone who appreciates you for you and if you don't you'll have a good time anyways. The most attractive people are people that are completely comfortable with themselves and people who are comfortable with themselves can be laid back. Stop second guessing yourself, it sounds like it wasn't meant to be, maybe it is time for you to become 100%, try new things or do the things you've always wanted but didn't have time for. You'll be fine, be good to yourself, and take it slow. Good Luck

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  • If you are going to change anything about yourself, do it for you, and not for someone else. If you are going to be in a relationship, you have to show that that person is #1 in your life, although other things are important. Ask her to help you or let her take your mind off of things. You really have to let her know how you care about her to keep her. You can't just have her and then ignore her because you have her. Relationships are a big thing and you have to work at it.

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  • Well dear, from what I read, it sounds like she didn't love you as much as you loved her! So no matter what you did do or did not do, it would still not have worked out :(. Maybe you were not her type, and you don't need to change who you are to please anyone, because if someone loves you they love everything about you! so just move on

    Hope I helped :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I understand where you're coming from. Try writing all your anger out, that will definitely help. I know these situations and your girl will be contacting you in a couple of months. I think she'll realized that she made a mistake letting you go..

    My buddy used this and it helped him out==> link

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