Would you take her back a second time?

My ex-boyfriend and I got along incredibly well. We dated and lived together from the time we were about 22 until 27 and split up for about a year. We moved to another state together. I felt like I just wasn't happy and got really depressed. It wasn't his fault but I had to fix it and pushed him away through a break-up. I regretted it almost immediately and started to try to work things out, never really taking the emotional break or time I needed to figure stuff out.

We were back together and things were great. About a year and a half later, I was told that if I didn't move to a different state I'd lose my job. I had already been talking about or considering moving but this made the decision for me. Financially I make good money and didn't want to be unemployed and depending too much on my man. I made the move foolishly thinking that we could later make a relationship work. So I left him, yet again, and now I'm afraid he's just done.

There is a girl he's dating from work that was hovering and waiting for me to leave. They've been dating fairly seriously for about 6 months now. She's about 6 or 7 years older (we're both 29), is socially awkward and according to numerous mutual friends "not even close" to as charismatic or attractive as I am (not trying to be cocky but give perspective). He says he's happy and living by the adage of work hard, play hard... Having fun doing both. I'm so worried they'll end up together forever. I feel like I've screwed up for the last time and he's done. We love each other so much and seem just innately meant for one another. We rarely argued, enjoy many of the same things and each others company. My heart still swells when he walks into a room, but I have no idea what he actually feels, if anything, for me anymore. He's admittedly and understandably hurt and confused, and when we've talked about it, he says he doubts there's anything I could ever do to make him trust me again. He's also expressed doubt that it could ever work altogether, and I shouldn't move back for him. We're now trying to maintain a distant friendship but it's hard and hurtful for me; he seems fine with it, over me and having a blast. I'm happy for him but wish we could be happy together again. I realize I've made the same mistake twice now and moving totally forced everything into perspective, so I do feel glad I did it in some ways.

I'm moving back to the city he lives in to pursue a degree and change careers. Part of me also needs to know if it's possible for he and I to make it work for good, and I know that's unlikely living in a different place. I'm hoping if I move he'll see that things are different and might try once more. If he took me back again, that would be it.. Together forever. Period.

So there are prob lots of questions I didn't answer, but what do you all think? Do I have a chance? Advice? Thoughts (other than that I'm slightly nutty)?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I wasn't going to say nutty, I was leaning towards head-case. My favorite line was "We love each other so much and seem just innately meant for one another"...obiviously not.

    My God, if I was with someone who pulled this kind of crap the only thing I would have to say to her is f**k you and the horse you road in on! Not to mention that this guy is already dating someone else. Hate to bruse your ego but guess what!, the girl who isn't as charismatic or attractive as you is stable! not going anywhere! doesn't do head games! Man are you asking a serious question here?

    ...and no, I wouldn't take you back a second time...wouldn't have done it the first time either.

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What Guys Said 2

  • you screwed up...not once but twice and he seems to be moved on already. Don't break another relationship just becouse you did a mistake and feeling guilty about it.

    its gone for you sweetie...better accept it and move on.

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  • He won't put you down. Its even possible, he asks for you to comeback (if you start making moves, phone calls, laughs etc..). Its not simple to forget 6 years relationship, unless you have tortured him all the years(I don't think that is the case).

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I'm also sorry to say it but it really doesn't seem like it's going to happen. The first time you broke up- fair enough you were having some serious problems in your own life. He may have stuck with then, but he may not have- we'll never know. But your moving didn't seem to take him into account and I don't know about him but for me if my partner decided to make a huge life changing decision without any thought of me (if we were in a serious committed relationship) I would not be happy or feel very respected in a relationship.

    He's in another relationship. She may not be as 'charasmatic or attractive' as you, but you said he seems happy. If you love someone you should want them to be happy- whether or not you're in the picture.

    NOW, if you ARE meant to be together the fact that you would put his happiness above your own will make him see and respect you in a whole other light. Don't try to break the two of them up, be happy for him and if it's meant to be, it will be.

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