Why is the majority against going back with an ex?

I dont get why the majority are against going back with an ex
I mean not every situation/break ups are the same
Every time I see questions involving an ex.. people get pissed off and saying shit like "never go back with an ex" etc etc
I've seen couples that goes back with their ex and still working
Why is the majority against going back with an ex?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't really know and it just kind of feels like bullshit. I got back with an ex. We had split up because I wasn't sure what was going on in my life but we got back together in like a month and continued very happily after that.

    Eventually we did break up as we decided we weren't what was best for each other. It didn't really hurt because I knew it wasn't an issue of her not loving me, in fact it was partly because she loved me that she couldn't love me as much as I loved her and that I deserved better. I still loved her so I was happy for her when she ended up doing it for another guy (whom she had known for years and had been her best friend for forever).

    In fact, due to all the negative connotations with the term "ex" I took to calling her my "mer" (short for forMER). I'd totally get back together with her one day if her boyfriend died (because realistically they're kind of perfect together and that's the only way in which she'd ever even consider someone else xD)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The ones that to get back together and have it actually genuinely work out are the exception not the rule.

    Mostly it doesn't work out because the initial problems are never fully looked at and stripped down in there entirety. Couples don't really talk in depth about the issue or issues and don't initiate an action plan to address the situation.

    They rush back head first without really giving a lot of thought as to how to make it happen. It's easy for people to say 'I'm going to do this and I won't do that" but when push comes to shove typically noone really knows or can be bothered making it work which means they become empty words. That is why after a month or two the couple ends up breaking up yet again.

    It's not as easy as people think it's going to be, the problems unless properly addressed will always be lurking in the background ready to rear their ugly head.

    I've been there, it's difficult, doesn't feel the same and if it was a trust issue like mine then you better believe that it doesn't miraculously disappear... its still there!!

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What Guys Said 19

  • I'm back with the girl i divorced. Our relationship was drastically improved by a break tho. I grew up a lot. And i needed to. I was destructive. Got out on my own, pulled my head out of my ass, and earned her trust and respect back. Now we are a healthy couple.

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  • Because an ex is an ex for a reason they say they change but reality of it they only change to get you back in bed and tell you what you want to hear , if they really lived you they would of never left you In the first place an ex that tries to get you back is just a selfish person that will use you until something better comes along

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  • It really depends on the situation of why it became ex. Most of the time is because they fought rough. No grace. Someone has to be on top. Also nobody wants to be at the bottom all the time. When push comes to shove. Shove wins. Don't push and don't shove

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  • Generally speaking it's because you already know things don't work with the person. There was some issue you couldn't work out. Trying to go back is just prolonging that pain. Again though, that's generally speaking. Not every break up is the same

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  • It depends if a real break up took place or not. Some just go separate but not in their heart. Mostly a tactical move to black mail the other. It’s not a break up. It’s a fight. Such separations can lead to reconnecting.

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  • True that every situation and relationship is different but my personal rule is never go back and the few times I have tried it I found them at you can recreate the relationship but you can never recreate the magic.

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  • Well both of my breakups ended in a bad way so i could never
    see me breaking up with a girl for the third time cause they say
    the third time can be a charm that's why i say a ex is ex for reason.

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  • Because there is a reason why he/she is your ex in the first place?

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  • Why subjugate yrself to the same misery? Exes are exes for a reason

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  • It depends completely on circumstance why you guys broke up in the first place how they treat you in a relationship etc

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  • - It went wrong the first time, why would it be better the second Time.
    - Holding old grudges

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  • They don't have the balls to go single.
    They're scared to be alone, so they settle for mediocrity

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  • Because it ended for a reason and if you can get over it, try it

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  • Because you split up for a reason and to think anything will change the second time is a bit foolish

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  • It didn't work before why would you think it will now?

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  • Because we know how to protect ourselves.

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  • it depends on why you didn't work the frist time

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  • Well there is a reason it's an ex (he or she)

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  • A ex is a ex for a reason

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What Girls Said 8

  • Because majority of times it doesn't end up working. Eventually the same issues appear. And if someone didn't want you first time around why would you ever trust them again? You are you. If someone couldnt appreciate you first time around, it says enough.

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  • Because I break up with people for a very good reason. If the relationship was beyond fixing, I don't see any reason to go back. Different story if the break up was for not so serious reasons, but then it tells more about the couple and their ability to commit to fixing things.

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  • I got back with my ex twice we have separated a couple times over the last 11yrs we have 3 kids together. And honestly I tried the dating scene when separated it was brutal. So then I realized why am I investing time into someone new when I have already invested 11yrs into my ex and he already knows me. So I'm not really sure why people are against it. I feel like the people who are against it are the ones who don't want to put the effort into fixing it

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  • Well an ex is an ex for a reason.
    Plus things would not be the same. You will always have some doubts and inhibitions at the back of your mind. Rhythm and charm would not be there. Closeness and innocence would be gone. Intimacy would feel like a burden. Relationship would become a drag. Trust me on this. Been there and done that.

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  • There's a reason why a person left, and unless the thing that made you separate has changed or your perspective on that thing has changed, going back will just result in wasted time.

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  • Majority of people were probably hurt by their ex somehow. There's a reason they broke up in the first place, which could cause issues if they try again

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  • I guess it depends on how they ended things. But if they try again good for them. And Don't pay attention to those who "get pissed off"

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  • The longer you walk away from it, the deeper you see the issue between you and your ex, and some of them are so hurtful, you probably don't want to revisit and eventually don't have hope to mend it with your ex.

    So here is how my mind has been evolving about why he became my ex.

    Right after we ended the relationship, I thought I rushed for the decision, and I didn't communicate well with him -- half true. I blamed myself for not trying hard to fix it. I thought I hurt him by ending it. That was the time I wanted it back the most.

    Couple months later, I realized my self value had been damaged when dating him, because I saw he is better than me, I felt I was not good enough, and I had been the one down and tried to please him and keep his attention -- failed entirely. I still couldn't understand why I changed from being an outspoken person about my feelings and issues in relationship to walking on the egg shall muted one, because he kept me out of his life in every way.

    Given a little more time and talks with friends, some summary:
    1- I need to be more out spoken about what I want and need in relationship. Being independent is my trait, but not good for building connections.
    2- He is narcissist, he knew the cold treatment he gave me would make me feel bad about deterioration of our relationship and he still made it look like it was all my fault. And he probably had been waiting for me to walk way for months already.
    3- He was not willing to change or compromise on anything for building the relationship. And he won't change how he treat me.
    4- I didn't want to leave him who I thought was love of my life, and didn't leave him early. That made him think he can do whatever he want to me, like neglect.

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