Why does she bother contacting me?

My ex girl the love of my life thus far turned 23 yesterday I'm 27 she dumped me in July for nothing major apart from she has never really been single, I tried win her back in the weeks following our break up but to no avail, she hinted she wanted me to fight for her so I did. But I've been trying to go no contact to heal and she contacts me about every 2weeks this week was her birthday I did not contact her and this weekend it is a year since we got together and she tried contacting me yesterday I made it clear that friends would not be enough although we were best friends for 4years prior to getting together. Please shed some light for me ?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Why is it easy for her to talk to you but hard for you to talk to her? You need to ask her why she's contacting you every so often, what is she actually gaining out of it? I understand you were best friends for a long time so she's probably hoping to have that in her life. She misses you. Maybe she's hoping you'll come round to the idea of just being her friend.

    I've seen that people can be friends with exes after a while, but it often causes problems when those two people decide to have relationships with new people. Having your ex on the scene with a new girl isn't cool.

    Is she still single now? Are you? Have either of you dated anyone since?

    If one day she decides she wants it all back again, she'll find you. Doesn't seem like she's listened so far, you told her friends wouldn't be enough yet she still keeps calling. Tell her to leave you alone... And Don't waste your time waiting, get a new number and move on if she can't respect what you want.

    Go find someone who's ready for you now, not when it suits them. No one deserves to be sat around waiting. Go heal, go get someone new.

    I understand she's the love of your life so it's going to be very difficult if after a year you're still thinking of her, problem is she hasn't gave you time to come to terms with it. Tell her that what she's doing is really unfair and disrespectful. I know it's gonna be hard, but anytime she texts or calls just ignore it. She'll soon realize what she's done when she notices you're gone from her... She might even realize how sh*t things are when she can't talk to you. Tough love hey.

    For now, block her out. It takes two to tango, she calls. you answer. She texts. you reply. Stop it!

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    • Thank you for your reply, ya I can't understand that either 'how it is easy for her to contact me' ! It does be like clockwork never beyond 2weeks and sometimes like if I'm going away somewhere for weekend or that she must hear about it cause she contacts just talking random asking lots of questions. She is still single as am I and neither of us have dated we have a lot of mutual friends. I have totally avoided her seeing me in person since the breakup, I bear no grudge but friends is not enough...

    • Break-ups are a b!tch. Sometimes you can just take it minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day and then finally get over it. But, when that person keeps dropping in and out by calling, txting it makes the process almost impossible. You are right, it does sound as if she wants to string you along. I can say this because I have fallen for someone that has just wanted me waiting in the out field just in case all else failed with other relationships. It's just not right to do that to someone.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Ok well from what you said in reply to me.. I think it's good that neither of you have dated since.. I mean if she had dated another guy since then you'd definately knew where you stood. The fact she hasn't makes me think that perhaps she is hoping to be with you again...

    If she was in a new relationship and contacting you every few weeks then obviously that'd be totally brutal on you.

    I can see how she feels, I've spent a lot of time in relationships and never had much time to myself... If I imagine myself leaving my current boyfriend for a while, just to have freedom and space and not to constantly be worrying about another person for a while, then getting back with him... it might do me the world of good.

    I'd call her and ask her if she's expecting you to wait for her, if so, how long. Re-confirm your terms and try to meet half way. She doesn't sound like she wants to let go o you yet... and you don't sound like you wanna let go of her either. As you said, she's the love of your life. You're not ready to date anyone else yet, is that because you still want her? Or is it a matter of healing?

    You say she'd hit the roof if she heard you were seeing another girl which tells me she's still got feelings for you.

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  • Sounds like she is being inmature and not letting you move on to heal your heart. She either doesn't want to be with you and SHOULD not contact you so you can move on with your life. OR if she does want to be with you make an effort to show you. I don't think she is that into you. I think she is playing games and using you. Sorry! There are too many decent people out there to waste your time (especially the best time of your life in your twenties).

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    • Thank you I appreciate your honesty, when we were together she used to always question how much I was really into her even though I gave her no reason to believe I wasn't so I don't think she understands how much I love her and how hard it is to heal. I get the feeling she sort of wants to string me along and let no other girl have me as when she thought I was dating this girl she went through thr roof and blamed the whole breakup on me ! I'm trying to heal and improve myself don't think I'm ready.

  • It's simple. Don't talk to her. She's a bitch. Move on. End of story.

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    • Haha I like you honesty :) thank you , ya see the thing is she ain't a bitch I know her for years I just don't understand it if you get me !

    • She wants you to fight for her? Why she being so dramatic? I mean what's the point of that? It's a time waster. Good luck.

  • i would say she likes the attention,

    she likes knowing that there's a guy out there

    that likes her, therefore she doesn't want you to

    move on, but she does.

    ..it's like, I don't want it, but I don't

    want anyone else to have it. [no offense].

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    • yes I get ya, the last time she contacted me she heard second hand I'm going travelling the world for a year in January, she was asking how long I was going for I told her a year maybe 2, surely that must affect her knowing I'm going jeez I really still love her but I'm being strong do you think even in the future is there any hope in my situation

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    • then try to keep in contact while you're on the road.

      it's really good that you're not putting your life on hold.

      it'll be a good chance to know her.

      get her instant messenger, or something

      and do emails back and forth.

    • ya I'l try keep in touvh with hopefully when I'm gone she'l miss me, ohhhh she knows me inside out we've known each other for 5years

What Guys Said 2

  • You are doign the right thing...you are saving yourself from a posible heartbreak. A friendship can always turn into emotional and loving relationship but you can't reverse it back to friendship. It will not work. It will only bring jealousy, anger and heartache.

    Stay NC.

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    • Thank you man, yes that is what I think also you can't be down graded from a lover to a friend it just don't work . I'm staying NC it gets easier every week her actions are just confusing as I know her for hers and she ain't the type to text and contact an ex !

  • I agree with everyone on here. Don't tak to her anymore. It's not solving one single thing but for some reason it's helping her just fine. What I think really may have happened is she most likely is seeing someone else and trying to keep you in the background. So do NOT be in the background anymore..Give her the gift of your self respect and disappear...After some time if there is something still there, sincerly everything will surface and the communication will be quite different

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