Are men devastated after a break up? or do they just move on and feel nothing?

That is, knowing that he loved and adored the woman... is it possible he is just hiding his feelings?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It depends if you end it or she ends it, and how committed the guy was (often a matter of how long the relationship had lasted).

    So if you hit on someone who seems unattached at a party or in a club and she's not interested, shucks - move on.

    If you have a couple of dates and she says it isn't working, but you were becoming keen, there can be some regrets, but you normally move on and forget her pretty quickly.

    If you end it you sometimes feel bad about hurting her feelings, but this is tempered by knowing it was what you had to do. The only way to handle this is to end it as soon as you know this is how it will end up, and to be absolutely clear with her so she isn't hanging on hoping for some change that will never happen. I have ended a couple of relationships too late in hindsight and still feel bad for hurting people who had done nothing particularly wrong.

    If it is a longstanding close friend who after some time you come to want to take things further than friendship with, and she isn't interested, this feels bad and can taint the friendship you previously had.

    If a relationship goes longer than a few dates say a couple of years and she ends it, particularly if you had both shared plans to spend the rest of your life together it can be very very difficult to get over. You do eventually start seeing other people, but even if very happy with them, the other situation can eat away at you for years (what did she need I didn't or couldn't give?, what did I do or not do? etc).

    Ultimately time fixes all, but yes girls can and do really hurt guys from time to time.

    The hiding it part is something we try to do because other people of both genders tend to think of a sad looking guy as a loser. For whatever reason it seems less acceptable for a guy to show his feelings. Check for example these TV shows where people are under stress about being eliminated from the show. It seems more acceptable for women to deploy tears than for guys to express anything.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Same as women. It hurts. We're just good at hiding it.

  • In all truth and honesty, and though it may not seem like it all the do have hearts. I personally have gone through nasty breakups and I can attest that it DOES hurt. Usually for a while, one of my friends(guy) went through a really bad break up when he realized that his girlfriends was cheating on him. He's usually a really reservd calm guy but he dated her for like 3 years and he was almost in tears...whether tears of rage or sorrow I don't know but the point is yes...we do feel pain. Unless, this guy is a player and is used to floating around between girls, he does feel some form of pain. (sorry I'm not good at this =P )

  • after splitting, the last thing I want to do is make her feel bad, so I'd tell her its OK and I understand and the usually white lies but its not really the case


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