Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend is still close to their ex!

OK, so I've met and/or dated a few girls now who have stayed very close friends with their ex. One girl I dated when I was 22, she was 21, and her ex was 18... and he visited me at her place while she was at work and wanted to be best friends... but then kept telling me over and over how he can tell me what she likes and help me keep her happy and stuff... he must've thought I couldn't see his games...

SO GUYS AND GALS - If their ex is still their best friend, how does it affect your relationship? Stories... comments... can the relationship be trustworthy? What if you have a fight and the first person they talk to about it is their best-friend-ex who it's very easy to be comfortable with and who knows what else...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • All her exes are her "fan club" members. She kept them as friend so she can make them jealous by having new men around. Most of them must be pathetic losers who would never moved on and found another girl. They stay in hope that one day she will be over with you and will be back with them again.

    Your Girlfriend is keeping them around also to keep you insecure and jealous and to provide you with what she want with the fear that if you can't give, those losers will grab the chance and provide her.

    I think you need to set some boundaries here if you don't like the presence of her exes around her.

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What Girls Said 4

  • The exact same thing happened to me. I met his ex when he introduced me to his friends, he is still pretty close with her (they were good friends for 2 years, they dated 2 years and she cheated on him, now they've been friends again for about 2 years). She was saying how she could "give me tips about his family" because "he never talks about them" and that she "met his family within 2 weeks of them dating" (I still haven't met them after 5 months). She also mentioned how he gives her rides to school (which I wasn't aware of). She added me on FB and wanted to be BFFs with me.

    I trust him but I don't trust HER. I don't know what she wants and I don't want her to be a person he talks to about our relationship or fights. Obviously they know each other really well and I can't just replace her but I can't get rid of this gut feeling that she's up to something. The problem is when I did show I was insecure (I was drunk and started bawling) he reassured me but I guess he also decided not to let me know he still saw her occasionally either. He's a good and trustworthy guy but if I show I'm insecure it might just backfire. I'm just waiting for her to make a mistake but it's hard to handle...

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  • I have a long history with one of my ex's, and we're still friends. We could never get back together because someone cheated. Also wasn't attracted to each other anymore. I think it depends how they broke up. If they did just because they aren't compatible, the timing was wrong, or little fights there's still a chance they can get back together. Also how often they talk. I only talk to my ex once a month. I definately don't talk to my ex about other guys, if she's talking to her ex about other guys and her relationships she's still really close to her ex..

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    • Yeah see that's fine, you're not exactly close with your ex anymore.

      But hanging out with your ex, or even calling them your "best friend" is a deal breaker for me.

  • DO NOT trust him. that is all I have to say.

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  • My ex if my best friend because we started as good friends, have great conversations. I only dated him because he was a rebound. I wasn't really ever attracted to him and really am not now. so, there's no way I'd ever sleep with him, etc., again. the point is, if you wouldn't want your girl telling you who you should or shouldn't be friends with, don't do it to her.

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    • That's the point. She's made her choice. I wouldn't make her choose me. That's not fair. I'd just leave. I don't know about your situation though because it doesn't sound like you were in a in-depth relationship if he was just a rebound? That might be workable.....

    • I would say you can mature and trust a girl. if she's been caught lying or something, you can't trust her. then, that's another thing. If you prefer to date girls without guy friends that just happen to be exes, then that's your choice. Her choice and your choice.

What Guys Said 1

  • One thing I can tell you is if you plan to fail... You can guess the rest.

    Is this a deal breaker to you?

    What if you do have a fight and she goes back to him... Pretty much tells me she's trash, and at least you found it out early.

    I was with a girl who was easy (sadly the rose colored glasses where on so I didn't know it) and she had all guy friends... and her ex wanted her, problem was she still wanted him (once again rose colored glasses). I had to watch her sext virtually every guy she knew and like a retard allowed it... That is a deal breaker... If she does this to you then by all means you have a right, nay responsibility to get to steppin. If she makes it clear she is with you, let the jackel hover, you have the girl. If you see warning signs from her, then call her out (like an adult), and if you don't like what you hear/see, once again get to steppin

    good luck

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    • I guess I think if the ex is still in the picture a lot, she's not moving on with her life and fully devoting her time to her new relationship. I'm not a jealous guy, but I am when it comes to exs, because I know they've already been intimate with them mentally and physically and it's easy to slip back into that comfort zone with an ex, which is why so many people do the on-off relationship thing I think.

    • I wish I could say I understand.... I set a rule, and it does not break... Iron clad mofo I do not go back to exes. Do I think about them, of course... Do I wonder what might have been sure... But after the thought leaves my mind, that's all she wrote... If it's hard try and remember all the bad sh*t that made you leave... Put's a smile on my face every time lol

    • That's the thing, and we all know it. You NEVER forget an ex, for whatever reason. Even if they ended up being a serial killer, you still love them in some part of your heart, which is where the potential trouble lies when you're feeling emotionally weak......

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