Cheating girlfriend - second chance ?

Is there anything she can do or say to make you to truly forgive and give her a second chance ?

If so, what it should be ?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't personally believe in second chances for cheaters... I don't suggest it.

    But if you're set on being with her again, she has to regain your trust. You both will have to have very painful talks about things that are not very pleasant... one of the main talks you'll need to have is why she did it. Although I'm sure she'll eventually blame it on you, I want you to understand that it is not at all your fault she's weak, but you should take those "criticisms" to heart. Why? because if you do end up with her again, you also have to work to make sure she doesn't ever have a "reason" to cheat. That way, if she does it again you'll know its not about you- its all her.

    One thing she can so is be willing. Willing to talk it out, be willing to work for your attention and trust, to hear you out, and to never do it again. There is nothing else SHE can do or say to have you fully forgive her, that's all on you. Do YOU believe her? Do you think you can trust her?

    again, I don't suggest getting back together because I know its impossible to ever feel fully secure after that; but the ball is in your court. If there's anything you want to know, nows the time to ask her. Everything is up to you.

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    • How did you know ? :) She actually blamed me and even told that after all this SHE is angry at me...! And I really blamed myself for several weeks for what happened. As time pass, I realize that probably we will not become a happy family, but I still waiting for her genuine apology...Since then we didn't talk. She has no "courage" to talk to my face and I do not want her to hide behind the phone (therefore didn't answer her on several occasions she tried to call me)

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    • If you really want to try this again with her, wait a week or two more and really think about everything. Write things down if you can. If she doesn't contact you, contact her in an impersonal way (like a text message) and very briefly tell her what's up. Like if you want to talk about it and try it again just text or call: "If you want to try this again, nows the time. We can still talk things through and see if we can do this again"

    • Thanks. we already 3 week total no contact (last time she tried to reach me 2 weeks ago). I can not functional properly, I'm thinking about her all the time.I really don't know the reason. I know there are a lot girls (that probably would treat me better),but still I keep thinking about her all (!) the time. I need to study now, and I writing here.May be it is just "ego" ? What also "killing" me, if she feel the same or may be she is happy with her new boyfriend and completely deleted me from her life

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What Girls Said 24

  • ok everyone says no..and in some ways I agree...but just to see another point of view...if she truly wants to be with you & is sorry for what she did, she will do whatever it is in her power to prove to you & show you she is sorry...Example , if I messed up & I realized after I did the damn thing, I would feel horrible & do whatever I needed to show him again that I'd never do it again...I know my life would be hell for awhile & under a microscope but I'm wiling to go through it if I really know I wanted him, have to realize why someone went outside the circle to another yes no one pus agun to your head but also in a relationship it's 2 people not one & each has a part o play...that needs to be understood, but from what I read she's actin like a b*tCh so that's different, if she was trying & doing what you said you needed from her to prove then its different but that's a quick little thought of mines on it...In the end what I'm sying is no one is perfect and peole at some point may have been unfaithful...whether they were 5 years old, 15, or 50...since cheating can be differnt to different people, but the ultimate of havin sex with another is the major cross point. Trust will be a big issue but have to be willin to go through the pain & hell of getting you back if not then as heartbroken as you will be, gotta let it go...

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    • Thanks, although it already passed almost two months since we spoke last time, you answer still relevant. I do realize that we all human and do mistakes and was willing to give her another chance if she would do even a small step (not even going through hell) in this direction - instead she accused me in what happened and didn't have will power to do "whatever need to be done". I hope she will sorry for the rest of her life, cause I know for sure I was good to her. Thanks, anyway.

    • awww your welcome sweetie & she'll remember you because you were good to her...(i've had my a good guy & kinda did him wrong) regret it still...she may not not now but she will & it's like that saying "you can lie to everyone but in the end you can't lie to yourself" & I wish you the best with who ever is lucky enough get give you a new found reason to smile ;)

    • He-he, thanks, you already gave me reason to smile... :)

  • there's nothing someone who's cheated can truly say or do to be forgiven. y'all've probably had hundreds of fights and talks over what happened and you're second guessing yourself all the time wondering about whatever decision you've made you probably get even more mad when you picture them together. it's not about what she says or does, it's about if you're ready to forgive her or not. it's something you'll never forget and something you can't get out of your head something she can't take back. she can say she's sorry for the rest of her life, she could even never leave the house making it physically impossible to cheat, still, it won't change the past so it's when you're ready to forgive her, not what she can do or say. if you're ready to forgive her then she's forgiven but if you aren't, then she's apologizing to a wall.

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  • Nope. Only you can make the decision to forgive her. If you haven't decided that, made up your own criteria for her to follow, and made it clear to both yourself and her that by following these criteria she can make you happy and you'll be OK with it, then it won't work. If you can't commit to that, then she will never be able to do anything right. Case in point: "I hate you! You're a slutty bitch! Don't you dare show up at my homecoming game! Fuck you I never want to see you again!" In the morning. The game plays (thwarted though... she watched the game in a bar because she wanted to see him play) in the afternoon. Then that night he shows up drunk and is all upset because she didn't go to the game. He's p*ssed. No matter what she did, it wasn't enough.

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  • Honestly I feel like giving someone a second chance is asking to get hurt again. When a person says they will truly change you can expect the change for maybe a week tops and then they go back to their same routine. They then will see that they got away with it once and see that a second time will probably not be so bad. And in the back of your head you will constantly think about the time she cheated on you and will somewhat always hold it against her. (but who can blame you, she hurt you)

    But ultimately its up to you. If you feel like she will be genuine this time then give her a second chance but if its on the fence I would not go for it.

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  • u know I was a cheating gf! and I regret everything about it! when a girl asks 4 a second chance belive me she really loves you! other wise she would just walk away! I mean its over right?! but still she didn't give up..my boyfriend profile is shadow in the dark and his email is m_hijazi88@hotmail.com he can help u! and f you really love her please give her a second chance! by the way our relation is going great and we are still planning to get married!

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    • Thanks, we have also been talking about getting marry some day. I loved her infinitely. She "relapsed" to her old X. I almost sure she is very sorry and I could forgive (not forget of course) if she could come and talk to my face and hide behind the phone - is it too much to ask ? I'm not a monster :) She knows it. I was her best friend, always supportive and understanding. She lost a friend rather than a lover. I hope she will realize it.

    • She can't look and your face!!ts so hard I was there!she will only stay behind the phone unless you show up in her face...i didn't wanna c him because I knew that r8 then I was so small in his eyes! but he came to me and still I couldn't take my eyes of the ground..until he made t clear that he still loves me because then I knew its all on me and I really wanna do t! because no man in the world will do what he did unless he really loves u! you go to her, f your gonna wait till she cames then you your gonna wait maybe 4ever!

    • I really appreciate your honesty. I know it is hard to look into my eyes. But this is what called "take responsibility". When she was fuc..ing with him - I was crying like a baby. She knows it ! Was it easy for me ? I still can not concentrate on my studies and take control of my live and emotions. If she only knew how much time I spend on this forums, trying to find an answer, while she is probably still with him,waiting me to take her back. Also won't I became her doormat after that ?

  • i cheated on my exbf (even tho I loved him with all my heart)... I cheated because he was always too bizzy for me and he hardly took me out places ... so as well as many males do you go out there and look for that confort... I really really really regret it with every cell in my body... before that experience I didn't believe in second chances but now I'm the one on the other side of the coin and now I think differently because I have been there... with that being said my advice to you is #1 to find out what made her do that... #2 find out whether you are completly willing to trust her again... #3 Follow your heart not your pride... don't loose what you love over your pride... IM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU TO TAKE HER BACK BUT WHAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING TAKING HER BACK... ITS NOT WHAT SHE SAYS ITS WHAT YOU FEEL...

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    • No excuse to cheat. All that says to me is the next time he gets "too bizzy" it justifies the means to cheat again. It's never okay to cheat. Period. If he's not making time for you, tell him. If it doesn't improve. Leave him. Cheating is for weak minded individuals that want the best of both worlds and don't want to take the initiative or have the stomach to do it right. End of story.

    • Thanks a lot for your genuine answer. It is inspiring :) Trust me, I'm not an "ego" man, for me "pride" is only a word. I can put it aside and give her (us) a second chance. BUT, isn't she need to overcome her ashame and make the first real move ? Yes, she called me several times and I ignored her calls, cause I was expecting her to come and talk to my face (she knows exactly how to find me, she did it before, we live 5 min apart). Is it too much to ask ? Is it "pride" ?

  • It solely depends on you.

    Say you forgive her. She's out at the clubs one night or doesn't call or something.

    Are you going to be sitting at home fine with that or are you going to be sitting at home paranoid she's cheating on you?

    If you can't trust her there's no point :(

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  • You only get one chance in life and if you choose to mess it up that on you! No,you will be making the biggest mistake in your life,you think it hurt the first time,are you ready for the secong time? If you do give her or him another chance,you are letting them know you are weak for them and they will take advantage of you! Be wise! Good Luck!

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  • I agree with the other answers. If she is not willing to face you and she is blaming you,she is not mature enough to acknowlege her mistake,not responsible to take responsiblity for her actions. Contrary to popular belief, trust is earnt it is not a given.

    I would be asking myself a number of questions right now. Do you really want to start a family with this person-given that she has already cheated on you?I WOULDNT bring children into this relationship given she has no respect for the relationship(think about the children) Can you Trust her again? Is it really worth putting any more effort into this relationship?When you may be able to find happiness and fufilment with another?

    There has to be a commitment from both parties for it to work.

    I wouldn't go back.

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    • Thank you so much. The frank answer for all your questions: No, No and No ! If she one day will pop up - I definitely will give her to read your answer. If she will not pop up - I hope she will regret and sorry for many years about how she unjustifiably treated someone who truly loved her (and she also loved). Frankly, I don't know how she can live with her self. Me, for example, would like to meet, at least to clear my conscience . On the other hand, probably not everyone has one.

    • Well if you really love her...and really want her back...let go all your inhabitions and fears and go get her back!bring back the romance & turn up on her doorstep with some flowers!If you feelings are that intense for this woman!!!go win her heart back!!tell her that you love her. one of two things are going to happen, she will embrace you or reject you. either way while you there you will be able to get the closure I think that you are looking for. Goodluck:)!!

  • Fuck that --- once a ho, always a ho!

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  • I would agree with people and the "once a cheater always a cheater"

    However, I myself was once a cheater.

    I had been with my now ex for about three years when it happened. I never fully admitted to it but he knew. I don't know how he knew, but he did. To this day (5 years later) I still regret having done that to him. I have never cheated on anyone I have dated since.
    I don't support cheating however I think people change. I did it because I wanted someone who I thought was better. It was awful of me and very selfish. It's not that I didn't love him less it's just that I took an opportunity rather than being strong enough to know it was not worth it.
    I think if you truly love her, you need to forgive her. What have you got to lose?

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  • cheaters no second chances. Is there really an excuse... unless she was forced or drugged she went into it willfully so no second chances.

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  • if they do it once they will do it again...would you be able to handle that?

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  • Once a cheater, always a cheater..

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    • i don't agree to that a lot at least not for all people I think that you cheet becouse your not happy with the person you are with but if you really love the person your with you won't cheet...

    • then why be with that person if your unhappy? Just break up with them

  • NO in my opinion no because your 30-35 your both adluts and you should both understand that you shouln't be cheating.

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  • not a f***ing thing.

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  • No I feel they would hurt you again.

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  • there's no way a girl that has been cheating deserves a second chance.. she'd only end up doing it again and hurting you even more... I knw from experience!

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  • If you really like her and honestly believe she is sorry and you want to be with her maybe give her a chance but if she isn't that meaningful to you then don't give her a second chance becasue its not worth it.

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  • For cheating I don't think I could give them a second chance.

    If they broke my trust like that once then who is to say they won't again?

    As the old saying goes, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

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  • NO! Don't! She did it for a reason. right? she won't stop. she didn't care to hurt your feelings and your respect! That's what I think!

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  • Talk to her. When women cheat it isn't like when men cheat. Men cheat just for the sex. Women however do it for an emotional reason. Your girlfriend might have felt you didn't love her, or like she wasn't getting any attention. Instead of talking to you like she should have, she looked somewhere else for attention. She might have been trying to get you to notice her. Whatever the reason, it was an emotional one. Listen to you her, & if you feel like she honestly loves you, but just felt like there was something missing from your relationship, maybe give her another chance. Sometimes women have a hard time reading men because honestly men are kind of closed off from their emotions. Maybe she just needs to know you care. Not that there is any reason that excuses cheating of course. Good Luck.

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    • After reading the comments in the best answer above, I think you should move on. You deserve better, not many men would be as mature as you were in this situation. You are a rare & special guy & deserve a GREAT girl. I hope you find the one!

    • Thanks :) You make me "blush" :) But seriously - I would really consider to give her a second chance if she had a courage to come and talk to my face. I am not a monster. She never did. I pretty sure, that if I will do the first move, we can be back, but in this circumstances, it doesn't suppose to work this way...right ? She know she didn't lose a lover, but a best friend she could ever have. I also lost someone special, (at least so I thought) cause of her immaturity.

    • I really hope everything works out for you. You are being very mature about this whole situation. I applaud you!

  • can't speak from a guy's view point, but if a guy ever cheated on me, nothing he can say or do will ever change that and make me forgive him

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  • Dont do it, she will probably just do it again.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Well I tell you about my experience here.

    She cheated. Or well she never admited it. But I'm like 99% sure-. And after that she herself talked about that she wanted to regain my trust.

    So I gave her a chance. (after all I was lacking that 1% of proof).

    But first of she did fine. Took it seriously- But then lost the motion as I didn't trust her still after a while.

    Long story short. . . She flirtet with some guys and totally abandoned the thought of gaining my trust. I (at that time no better than her) cheated with her with 3 girls at once. And everything fell apart.

    What I learned?

    Well sure you can give it a chance. But your not gonna forget easily-

    And it will most likely just bread a lot more issues down the road.

    But again. You feel like giving her a chance cause she is worth it. Then go for it.

    But she has to know you can't just say: okay I forgive you" after a couple of weeks and everything is back to normal after a month.

    I actually became the very jaloux type-

    And hated it.

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  • be willing o do anything (within reason) to show you that she's going to be trustworthy towards you on a daily basi... in other words her actions and her words must be consistant. for actions speak louder than words on her reconciling with you...
    she must never blame you at anytime for her conduct (the cheating) called blame shifting.
    she can make no demands you didn't cheat she did... her job is to show you that she is worth YOU staying with her.. if she doesn't want to do any or part of that then its time to move on. llow enough time in this process of reconciliation (I suggest 6 months to a year) fr her to prove it... don't be a tyrant in this but give her a chance to prove herself.. we all make mistakes along the way so give her some slack but not a lot... in this process.. in other words if she's 10 or so minutes late for meeting you don't just assume the worst let her tell you why if it doesn't line up (if you know something she doesn't ) then let it slide. this is if you think she's worth the effort to give a 2nd chance

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  • I gave my ex a second chance. After 6 months she cheated on me again (for the final time!) If I can give you any advice it would be this; She will cheat on you again if you let her, don't taker her back!

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  • Well this question is 2 weeks old, so I don't know if you're situation has changed since then. But I will say that it's not too wise of you to give her a second chance when she does something as drastic as cheating on you. Rather than admit that your relationship isn't what she wants and breaking it off with you, she goes behind your back and cheats on you. The girl that you thought cared for you and loved you, obviously didn't mean too much of what she said. Move on and don't give her anymore chances is my suggestion.

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    • Thanks, nothing much changed. We are complete NC for almost month (37 days didn't talk, 28 days since last time she tried to call me and I ignored her). I have no idea what is going on in her life, but I will not be surprised if one day she will show up (crying of course). I want to be ready. Thank you all, you make me "stronger". by the way, you can read my other thread here lately called "my closure" to have a better understanding what she did.

  • Don't give her a second chance. Seriously don't. Please don't. If you take my advice you'll be better off. That's all I have to say.

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  • Once a thief, always a thief. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Don't trust her dude. She'll just disappoint you again...

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    • Thanks, I know you right. I do realize that we will never be able to be a normal couple (or make a family like we were dreaming)...I just wanted to be prepared in case one day she will show up...and I pretty sure she will...Just few days ago I would give her another chance, but now probably not...she is really good looking and sexy (in my eyes), but currently she repulse me even as a "sex object"...

  • Hell no bro. There are around three and a half million women in the world.

    Trust me, her place will be taken over FAST by another, more deserving individual!

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  • Trust is like a piece of paper. Once you crush the flat paper, no matter how much you try to straighten it out, it will never be as flat as it was before

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  • " Screw me over once, shame on you. Screw me over twice, shame on me."

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  • no btch your a prick ass mofo with a penis size of a squirrel..f*** off nigguh

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  • Forget it

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