Pregnant and left on my own, sound familiar?

So I never thought I would land myself in this situation, but of course stupidly enough I did. Thought I found a great guy, we were really close, he was my everything and my best friends at the same time. We did everything together, talked all the time and we were happy. For a year at least. We are both under 20 and he's still in school, I was a little older than him. I was the one that paid for stuff and got him whatever he needed, I was always there for him, and I loved him with all my heart. He had a sh*tty life growing up, didn't have a dad and his mom is a real heartless bitch. I grew up in a loving family and I just wanted so bad to bring him into my family and show him how it really could be. He seemed to really enjoy it for a while, like he just wanted to escape the past and be happy. Then the summer came around and he changed. All he wanted to do was hang out with friends and go to parties. He got into drugs and alcohol and started sleeping around with girls. He was never like this before...I was the first girl he ever even had sex with. The whole summer we were at each other throats about stuff and he came back a few times and then in August even though he knew I was pregnant and all he said that he loved me, but for right then he felt as though he was more comfortable as just being friends. He told me he would still be my best friend and even be there for the kid, but things just got worse and we started fighting and barely talking he was always with his friends or doing some stupid sh*t. Now for the past month he has been calling me up once or twice a week to talk saying that he has changed and that he wants to take responsibility for the baby. I don't know if I should believe him and yes what he did was wrong, yes he is immature, yes he has broke my heart and is no good for me but...I can't change the fact that I love him and I miss the old him so much. He seemed a little different on the phone...kinda like his old self almost and he IS taking an interest in the kid. I just...don't know if things could ever be the same between us ever again. I wanted him to come to a get together with all are old friends to show him these are his real friends that truly love him and show him he can have just as much fun without the drugs and alcohol. I want to help him change again...I did it before, but I don't know if I can do it this time, He still checks my MySpace sometimes and he seems to still want me sexual this he said in a text message, but that's not what I want! Last week he told me that the reason he broke up with me was because we were together for so long he was bored and it was summer all the guys he knew were getting single and doing what he was doing, he didn't want to be left out. Lame excuse, but he's immature, bi-polar, and has anger issues. I know this is stupid, but I still wanna help him...I want us to be a family and show him what real love and family life really is like. Will he maybe come around after I do this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • WHOA! You're calling him immature, bi-polar and you know he has anger issues among everything else (drugs, alcohol, emotional abuse (fighting), walked out on you and the kid, broke your heart, etc...)

    To be honest, I would argue for visitation rights only. This guy doesn't need to abuse you and walk away just to waltz back in when it's convienient for him; especially with how much you speak about caring for him.

    if things ARE meant to work out, he'll show this same effort over time. Don't just succumb to his "i'm back to how I was" temporary behavior. I used to do that alot, trust me, it won't get you anywhere with this guy.

    It's a long journey, but it is possible to fully trust him again. All wounds will heal over time; it's like a scab.. The wound hurt, but the scab doesn't unless you snag it again; and only time can let it heal without leaving a mark, but if you pick at it you risk marking yourself for a long time (sometimes forever)... Take it slow and steady and things will work out for the best, don't just jump into his arms.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • Yes, its the good old if its meant to be then its meant to be thing. Yeah, I'm taking it very slowly, I went down to Florida to visit family and have been avoiding the drama and not calling or texting him. If anything I let him talk to me when he feels like it, that way he can't say I'm bothering him or being clingy. I do think its possibly he can change with help, but you're right I deserve to be happy and not abused like all this. And don't worry I won't be jumping into his arms haha.

    • You can't necessarily just avoid him - sooner or later you'll crack under pressure (due to annoyance or due to the fact of you loving him)... You have to learn to sit around him and talk with him while being able to say: "Look, I'm still not ready for this; you can see our kid but there's no sense trying to flirt with me. I can see you're changing but you can't just waltz in and out of my life. If you want to be mine and me be yours, you have to show me over time that that's what you want"

    • Yes, that's the thing I am going to have to sit around him and deal with him, and I know he will try to flirt or try to get me to do things. I won't let it happen though, Its either he drops his old life of drugs, alcohol, parties, and messing around with girls or he's just never going to have me and this child in his life. I am NOT going to leave my child alone with someone that does all that stuff, I wouldn't be able to trust him! So yeah when he comes around I just have to be strong.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I can see why he's doing what he's doing, like. And why he did what he did. Growing up with the life he had, having the problems he has... Its the kind of the thing I'd do, and I was always sure I would have done. And you know, he's well on the route to wisdom.

    You owe him absolute nothing, and your right about his being immature. But... If you give him anther chance, and actually try and get back with him, and do get him to change, not necessarily to the 'old him', but to a new, brighter incarnation, then you'd be a living legend my dear. If I met a girl like you a couple years ago, I might not have sank into the mental state I'm in now, heheh.

    So... You choose, like. On one hand, you can forget about him and move on, and it'll be painful, but you'll pass it, and you'll be able to cope perfectly well, and you'll have done right for yourself. Or you could go with him, and try for him, and that'll be difficult, and full of effort, and pain, and discharge, and madness, but... It'll end up in the most beautiful, or the most tragic.

    Good luck.

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    • Actually, holy sh*t. I just realised. The story you told in your question, that's pretty much the exact story of my dad and my mum, accept he got into drink and drugs for different reasons - death and mental illness led him to addictions, essentially - and then he moved to England (then scotland, then peru, then germany, then.. so on so on). He's back in my life, now. Not hers, though. I ended up a f***ing mess, aswell. So... Y'know. Some perspective, aheh.

    • Its hard to move on, I'm not as chocked up about it anymore, I mean the lack of constant talking and distance has helped with that. I know I will have to deal with him for the rest of my life because of the kid, doesn't matter if we end up together or not. I do miss him from time to time, but I know I don't owe him anything and that I could just completely give up and walk away, never looking back. One last shot at helping him won't hurt though, long as I keep my heart guarded. Thank you:)

    • Your totally right ^^ There isn't anything more I can say, lolll. You've got it all planned out. Your a lej, lol.

  • Your a lot like me...or shall I say the 'younger' me.

    You can't live your life seeking to fix people...because 1 thing I've learnt over the years, is that people RARELY change...if someones not activily looking to elivate themselves then you need to keep your distance. I can tell you have a big heart...but understand that people crave for someone with a big heart...until they wake up and subconciously decide to bring you down.

    The biggest hearts are always burdened with the heaviest weight. x

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    • Yeah, I understand that now. I'm seeing someone else right now, and they love how nice and kind I can be. They appreciate everything I do for them, which is a big change, and I like it:) This relationship is just starting and its already so different. You're right change is rare and you can't help those that don't want to be helped. I wish him the best of luck, but other than that I have moved on. Its what is best for my child and I.

    • Good girl :) ....and I wish you the best of luck!

  • First of all, I really admire you, you're a gem of a person :) As you said, he's a bit immature, and give him sometime to grow up. I can sorta imagine in his position about being left out from his guy friends. It's that age where you follow your "herd" even though they do stupid stuff. I'm pretty sure he'll change and come back with you, all it takes is some time. Hope for the best and I really hope you guys have a nice happy family, you really deserve one, Good Luck :)

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    • Yeah, that's the thing he is a bit young, but as on and off as we seem we always end up finding our way back to each other. Time is deff involved in this big time, its already been almost 2 months since we broke up and still he finds the need to call me from time to time and tell me what's going on in his life. I do miss him and I know he's going through a lot, I just hope he becomes the guy I used to know and love sometime soon. Thank you so much!=)

  • I hope he will come around and be a father and a good role model for the child

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  • You're hot! Would you spread your legs for me, too?

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What Girls Said 6

  • It does sound familiar, for sure.

    I've been there, except the guy stopped talking to me altogether for 2 1/2 years. For the longest time, I was concerned about letting him back into our lives and I did want us to be a family. For the entire time he was out of my son's & my life, I constantly thought about how I would make him come back to me...how we could work this out. Then, one day I realized something: If he was the kind of person to walk away from a girl HE got pregnant & his OWN child, then why would I want him in my life or in my son's life? I just one day got over it. If the guy can't even take responsibility enough to man up or to even care, then he's worthless.

    I was always the one to reach out to the "troubled" guys in hopes of repairing them, but it always ended the same: they would use me for a little while and then when they found another girl that would actually sleep with them or got enough money to do their drugs or drink, then they'd abandon me completely, only to return when all that stuff left.

    My son's dad saw my son for the first time about a month ago...though their connection was obvious & beautiful, I can't let myself forget what he did...that he left us. I forgave him quickly only because the love he has for my son is obvious, but as a protection, I won't forget. He complains about having to work & go to school all the time; but I've had work & school and a baby keeping me up in the middle of the night, plus other required care for almost 2 years now...Though he's trying, he doesn't fully get it.

    I would suggest to stop trying to help him...how old is he? If he wanted to see what it was like, he'd be searching for it too...I bet you that if you back off of him for a while, he'll want to be with you more. In my opinion, he's not mature enough to properly support you right now anyways, so just let it got for a little while & give him time...he'll eventually grow up (even just a little) & things will get better. You can't force him to want what you're trying to show him...eventually he will want it, just gotta wait, unfortunately.

    Good luck, girl! & congrats on the baby! They make life harder, but definitely better:) & everything happens for a reason, remember!

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    • Thank you so much, and ya I always end up with these guys with troubles and I try helping them hah. I'm with someone else right now though and he's wonderful and VERY different. I guess somewhere deep down inside I will always care about my ex even a little, but you're right its just time to move on, you can't help those that don't want to be helped. I learned the hard way, but oh well. His life isn't even going all that well right now either. Oh and I found out I'm having a boy:D!

    • OMG congrats! I have a boy & I love it...he's all into sports and cars and rough housing, etc already & he's not even two! Boys are so fun & I'm so glad things are working out for you! Best of luck! :)

  • well hun sometimes you just have and I mean have to put your baby first I too an preggo and I too am under 20 although baby will be born when I'm 20..lol any who my husband left me and I'm in the middle of my pregnancy and it hurt but I noticed things aren't always in my controll. I'm in love with him. you know as well as I do it hurts the heart the same way it heals it when the baby moves and you feel his baby move.the only way I can communicate it to my husband is I feel him in me every time the baby moves. you need to know NOTHING you do or say will help or change or make him any more of a person I'm so sorry but this you have to let him work out on his own he's going to be a daddy and although his mommy sucks your not his mother your his babies mommy and that's the only thing you need to think of. if you ever need to talk I can feel what you going thou and possibly just be there to listen message me anytime... you'll do the right thing for you and your sweet baby...

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  • well hun sometimes you just have and I mean have to put your baby first I too an preggo and I too am under 20 although baby will be born when I'm 20..lol any who my hubby left me and I'm in the middle of my pregnancy and it hurt but I noticed things aren't always in my controll. I'm in love with him. you know as well as I do it hurts the heart the same way it heals it when the baby moves and you feel his baby move.. you need to know NOTHING you do or say will help or change or make him any more of a person I'm so sorry but this you have to let him work out on his own he's going to be a daddy and although his mommy sucks your not his mother your his babies mommy and that's the only thing you need to think of. if you ever need to talk I can feel what you going thou and possibly just be there to listen message me anytime... you'll do the right thing for you and your sweet baby...

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  • Ty for leaving an answer on my question

    & To answer yours.. It really sucks when you're the one giving him your all and he just throws it away and doesn't appreciate it. :( My ex also did this while we were on/off. Everytime we had problems, he'd just go and do drugs. It p*ssed me off! Many times, he told me he was going to change and stop acting like such an asshole, but in the end, it just doesn't happen.

    Yes, he may seem sincere to you right now, but that's what guys do. They do everything they can when they want you, and when you fall for it, they just change right back into their old selves. I don't think you should expect too much from him for now. If he wants to show you that he's changed, then let him show you. But most definitely, don't just go ahead and give him a chance to be back in your life just yet.

    Also, if it helps any, my friend was in a similar situation, except she's already had the baby for about half a year now. Her babydaddy is in mexico ¬ giving a crap about her or the baby and he messed around with other girls throughout the whole thing. He was not supportive at all! My friends family isn't too supportive either. BUT she's still making it through everything. So you'll be fine with or without him. Focus on your baby first. You don't want your baby to have a dad who only comes in and out of your babys life, right? Who knows, maybe you will find someone better, who will love you and your baby without leaving you all the time and acting so immature.

    :) Hope this has helped any and you may also message me if you need any help!

    We seriously do deserve to be happy, so stay up :)

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    • YES! We most deff do deserve to be nothing less than happy that's for sure. Yeah, I just don't understand why guys leave good girls/great relationships just to go run off with sluts and do drugs. Just doesn't make any sense to me and it most likely never will. It really does suck when you are the one giving your all and then BAM it all gets thrown right back at your face and your the one left looking like an idiot and feeling alone in the end. Maybe I will find someone better you're right=)

    • Young guys usually need to "sample" a lot of women and extreme experiences before they settle down. "Sowing wild oats" is an important part of guys development. No matter how great a girl is, most guys just can't settle down with the first girl they ever have sex with. They need to know what's out there before they can settle down.

      All that flies out the window when there is a kid involved though. He should have been more careful not to get you pregnant, if he wasn't ready to raise a kid.

    • If you do adult things prepare for adult situations and take responsibility for them...yeah I guess he did need to see what else is out there and yeah maybe he will end up seeing that the relationship was worth more to him than all of this or maybe he won't. I can only hope to be able to talk to him more sometime soon...his phone is now off and he doesn't have a computer or a home phone. I'm still on vacation too so its frustating.

  • I can tell you are an awesome person, very pure and understanding, and he is the father of your kid...it won't change, so its good to keep talking with him, and of course he needs to take responsability for the baby, its the baby's right... I think he carry some issues from his difficult life, and I admire you for thinking about the idea of giving him a second chance...you already know that its not going to be easy, but I still believe that anything is possible, and he can change one more time... Jesus can save anyone (if you are a christian, you know it), but if you have others believes, no problem, I still admire and know you are a good person, and that you deserve to be happy, and I think you should try, and maybe he will become that good person again, or maybe not...but I think its possible...so give it a try, and good luck, and God bless you and your child...and also him :)

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    • Thank you so much! Yeah I try to understand that he has issues, but at the sametime I know I deserve to be happy and with a child on the way, my baby boy deff comes first in all of this. Yes, I want to talk and be on good terms with him so he can come around and see the baby, and I'm happy he is showing interest. Yes, I am a christian and I really think he can change again if given the time and the help to get through this all. Once again thank you!

  • Being someone who grew up with parents who just 'wanted to make it work' it's admirable that two people want to try so hard for so long to make something work, even if it hurts them in the process and changes who they are but if two people need to both be trying and trying it might already be over. Since he's so young, I'd say give him another try, for the sake of your baby if not only because you say you love him... Always keep him as a friend or someone you can talk to because you will both be involved in each others' lives forever now and if things don't workout you don't want to alienate each other or despise each other.

    If it works it works and embrace it and cherish it. I hope it can for you two.

    If it can't work, end it on good terms. Hopefully you won't have to though.

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    • I hope to be on good terms with him too, when we talk on the phone everything seems to be fine and we get along. Trouble is I only talk to him like once a week now because of his phone issues. I hope things change down the road, but then again who knows. All I know is that I miss who he used to be and I hope he comes around and sees the good I did for him and he embraces being a father....one can only wish =/ Yeah he's young he probly will change his mind in the future. Whenever that may be..

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