Ex made it clear he does not want me... but is an non-supportive jerk now that I have moved on?

Posted here before about my situation. hings keep changing & people here give awesome advice.

I was in a long-term r'ship with this guy for ~3 years. BFFs for 10yrs. We broke it off 8+ mos ago because it got too intense & we both needed some breathing space. I dated around for a few mos but never got into anything serious because in the back of my mind, I was expecting us to “reunite” at some point. I would “check in” with him every few mos and he would always push me away, basically say that we need to go our separate ways.

Turns out he was pushing me away because he had a GF. He waited as long as possible before finally telling me, but after I had opened up and told him I still had feelings for him, he had no choice but to be honest. He was very firm- he said he is busy w/grad school, is happy in his r'ship, and though he is still attracted to me, she is a good person and he;s too old to take risks.

So I made all the classic dumpee mistakes- texted him nonstop, got angry when he wouldn't reply, told him that he knows we’re meant to be together, saying I could never see myself with anyone else, declaring that I was NEVER gonna contact him again (and then contact him 2 days later). It was HORRIBLE and really wrecked havoc on my emotions, but I brought it on myself by chasing an unavailable man. I got to the point where I had to go into therapy because my mental health was really taking a toll.

Knowing all of this and how it has affected me, he still wants to remain friends. I told him that I can't do that because it keeps me from moving on and it is not fun for me. I can't be “just” friends. But he still wants to be friends.

So of COURSE the weekend I had resolved to back off from him for good and get some peace of mind, I got a text from him that said “Should I walk from my relationship?”. I didn’t respond because I had lost my phone. He later told me he sent it because he had a fight with his girlfriend and was seriously considering leaving, but that since I didn't respond, they worked it all out and supposedly everything is just peachy with them now.

As of this week, I've officially stopped chasing my ex and entered into a relationship with another guy. Before I “went official” with this new guy, my ex and I were talking and I told him I was exhausted of chasing and needed to focus my efforts where they'd matter. He just shrugged and said “Go for it, but keep me updated because you never know what the future holds”… aka “let me know if you guys break up and if I’m single we can start something”.

But when he saw my FB r'ship status change, he started texted me all sorts of rude things about my new boyfriend. That he looks like a "dbag", that I don't know how to pick good guys, telling me it would never last. "I'll just say 'I told you so ahead of time'".

How am I to read this? I do admit I still love him, but he has had 1000 opportunities to take me back and he is still with HER. Wtf gives? He was a jerk when chased him & still a jerk when I try to move on?


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Yes, your final words say so. You know him very well now. Seems that he moved on long back and now just having fun with you by playing games. This is so immature from his side. He insist of being friend becouse he just want to keep you on back burner.

    Once he find out that you started something new he knew that he will loose you.

    He will keep on playing thiese gameswit you until you STOP all contacts with him.

    You went through such a hell. Don't continue contact swith your Ex. while having new relationship. Don't destroy your present and future for such a misrable past. take care of your health lady .

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What Girls Said 1

  • He likes the control he has over you.

    Don't talk to him or text him anymore. I know it's hard, but go cold turkey. Replace his number in your cell with someone else's number . . . .one of your close friends, so if you want to talk to him you'll call the other person instead. If he calls or texts you, don't respond.

    You need to move on to a healthy relationship with a person who will treat you with respect.

    Best of luck!

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