After 10 years together he is done. How am I supposed to move on?

My now ex and I have been together since I was 17on/off. 10 years. He took off for the army and we kept a very rocky LDR. Cheating, lies. He was finally home after 4 years but little did he know I had found someone amazing. I Chose to be with my ex in the end. We finally lived together and i made him my LIFE. I dropped all my friends and was just us. 2 years after that he said he was unhappy and we took a break, found him in bed with another girl. I made I’m choose and he chose me. Fast forward 4yrs and we bought a home together, no cheating no lies, went engagement ring shopping talked about kids. Got 2 dogs, I thought wow he’s finally changed. Then he tells me out of no where that he’s unhappy and our relationship has run it’s course. I work too much, I can’t cook or clean, I’m not as skinny as I used to be just everything you could think of. He’s always been a depressed person and he felt he needed a fresh start and a new life. I’m devasted. I begged, I cried on my knees please don’t do this. He cried and told me he didn’t want to marry me or have kids, he loves me but he couldn’t stay. He promised there was no one else. That was 3 1/2 wks ago. I’m back at my parents house, no one to come home to no dogs, no friends. Find out he’s already had sex with someone and is hanging out with her... yet he calls me when he’s feeling depressed or wants to have phone sex. And I take it because it’s better than begging to be with someone, or fighting. He doesn’t want me back and he wants to move on but I can’t seem to... I can’t eat, I can’t focus at work. I have no friends anymore, I can’t even get out of bed. I just cry all day pull myself together To make it through one day at work. I feel so depressed and even though I know I shouldn’t want him back after he’s already slept with someone, a part of me does. He is consuming my mind and I’m going crazy. I don’t know how to move on from this, I’m not ready to Let go.
Updates:
I get to the hotel with my friend last night, he blows me up saying he wants to come stay the night. He’s pissed I won’t let him come over. He cries and says he’s sorry he did this, he loves me & sorry it can’t work out. He’s not ready for anyone, no girl can replace meCalls me in the morning because that girl found all our texts/pics and come to find out he's moved this bitch in the whole time after knowing her 2-3wks. All of a sudden what he said last night was a mistake and he blocked Me. 🖕🏽

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry to hear that this happened to you. Given the length of time you've known him and all that you went through, it's definitely going to take quite some time to heal.

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    • Your family should be supportive. I know it's hard to see it now, but remember that you have a lot t offer the right person. Just focus on healing and get a distraction or two, e. g., maybe get a pet.

    • I know that only time can heal, I’m trying to make more plans and try to be busy. But my mind always wanders back to how completely different my life is now. My family is extremely supportive but it’s hard to be back home.

    • At this stage, it's normal for that to happen. I found two sthing that works for me is exercise/physical activities and spending time with animals.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know it's hard after such a long time of being in love with a guy, but realistically a guy like him doesn't deserve you after the way he's treated you. Go pursue your friendships again, with female friends. There are definitely other women out there who can relate to you and will want to support you through this. Try to find a routine to settle back in to a good lifestyle, but include fun spontaneous things. And if he does ever want you back, don't take him. Get rid of everything you have of his and his contact details, everything. This is the first step to letting go, and it's suprisingly hard. Get a new pet, if you like animals and you don't have too many already. It seems obvious, but make sure you're still taking care of your health (eating enough nutritious and healthy food, drinking enough water, sleeping enough etc.). Physical health directly affects mental health, and is very important in situations like this. Continue focusing on work if you like your job, but don't make it your entire life, and the only thing you go out for. This will make you feel worse.

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    • It’s difficult to be interested in anything. My parents keep offering to send me on a cruise, a vacation... my brother keeps wanting to take me out but I can’t bring myself to do anything. I feel embarrassed that I failed. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on random shit to try to feel better, got a new hair cut color and I still feel empty. Tonight I’m hanging with an old coworker for some girl time filled with drinking the spa. But he is literally in the back of my mind. Like I wonder what he is doing, who he is with, if he’s thinking about me. And it’s so unhealthy to be this way.

    • From this message it seems like the main thing holding you back from letting go is your own guilt. You certainly didn't fail, and you don't need to feel bad about yourself for being in this situation. You shouldn't feel obliged to try to make yourself stop grieving for the sake of your family and friends. You have the right to feel the way you do about a lost relationship. Forgiveness of yourself is important, and a big step to being happier. You will be thinking of him constantly for a while after, it is not that unhealthy. It is just habit, after being with him for almost 10 years. It is still normal to constantly think of and mourn a lost relationship, even if that person hurt you in a way that you can't ever forgive. It will eventually fade with time, but because he was the main part of your life for such a long time he will always be there somewhere in the back of your mind. Like any type of grief, you actually need to allow yourself mourn.

    • I learned today that that supposedly 1 night stand is actually a new girlfriend. Who found out this morning that he still calls me and tells me how he hasn’t moved on and that she was nothing. Now that he’s caught he says he didn’t mean the things he said about him loving me. He wants me to stop talking to him now because he wants to keep his new girlfriend that he’s only known for 2-3 weeks and now living at the house we shared. he blocked my number... I don’t get him st all. And that’s fine if he wants to move on. It still hurts me and I’m sad but it just goes to show how big of an asshole he is. There’s no coming back from this and I do need to move on

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What Guys Said 14

  • You need to let him go. This really isn't healthy for either of you. Just get in touch with some old friends, maybe find that someone special from 4 years ago and forget about your ex.

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    • It’s so much easier said than done. I often think about that person and how my life would be different. He’s married with children and across the country last I heard. I know I need to let go, I’m just trying to figure out how

    • Show All
    • Pm me I have a few ideas for you

    • I told you that you need to let him go

  • One of the best things to do in these type of situation is to take a brake from work and everything and go away somewhere, travel, as long it is possible. Just to see new sights and people you don't know, if possible go to another country or somewhere where you can stay longer. It will do go to You. Also just go out and meet someone, even for a one night stand, it will make you forget everything and heal faster. Forget about this guy, he is damaged and you need to stay away from him.

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  • I'm so sorry for all that you've been through! Sometimes it is easier to stay with the "known" instead of moving on to a better "unknown". That shit is scary lol, but I gotta say that you are still definitely sexy and you still got it! Don't give up, make friends online and at work, reconnect with family, and love yourself! Build yourself up and surround yourself with others who do the same for you.

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  • this is a new start for you. i know its daunting but you need to embrace it. find yourself and have lots of fun. life is for living and the past is now just the past

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  • It's plain to me you frightened I've being alone. everybody is. and knowing that should be reassuring. Your ex phoning for phone sex is just abusing your friendship. You might decide to refuse him, have a decent cry reflecting on all lesson blessings. You can forgive then move on.

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  • Relax, it's not that bad.
    Wear a nice dress, hang out with your friends/colleagues after work, go to a bar.
    Also try dating sites. Women typically have a very easy time at dating sites, even the fat ones. You will find someone else soon

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  • I didn't bother to read that whole thing u wrote it's probably full of shit from the past. The fact is 'he doesn't like u anymore'. Move on, find new men to talk to, ur hurt will go away.

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  • 1st. Block his phone. Then throw everything that you have with him away. I mean everything. Probably change your phone number too.

    You need to face the reality now. His is no longer yours. And you need to move on. The longer you mope around in regret the crazier you will drive yourself.

    You need counseling. A shrink is a very very good place to start.

    Also, you don't really loose real friends. Real friends are those who will stick around you in your hardest time. As long as you don't abandon them in their time of need then they will not leave you alone when you need them.

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  • Move on or stay. ? Only you can have new opportunities if you. move on.. Stay things stay the same, go. New opportunities good, only you decide

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  • sucks, but this is infinitely better than getting kids you dont really want

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  • It don't matter if u are not ready to let go u have to or will stand still untill u do so

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  • Just move one

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    • on********************************************

  • Therapy.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You cheated on him so he did the same. Why are you throwing a tantrum when you were the one who started this mess? And don't you dare to play the "I'm only a girl so I can do whatever I want" card. You did the same to him and now you're throwing a tantrum when he just did the same you did !

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    • Not sure if you really read it. But if you want details we were both young, and when he started to fuck around on me I did the same to get him back. I was 19 or 20 at that time I have not been with anyone else. We moved on from it and he breaks up with me out of no where. Not sure where this tantrum is coming from.

    • What you discovered When You Were Young is what people are actually like so you better get used to it. No person can ever own another. The best protection you can have is really good communication including a good sex life.

    • I didn't throw a tantrum I was just being honest. He did the same to you. How do you want to know if he found out or not. Just because you were 19 doesn't mean he wasn't hurt. It would've been better if you told him instead of not telling him, not telling him was just selfish he deserves to know the truth doesn't matter if you like it or not. Why are you so sure that your breakup isn't linked to your cheating incident and that he just can't trust you anymore. Have you ever thought about that instead of assuming someone throwing a tantrum? Why do you attack people for being honest and why do you ask in the first place if you're not even able to respect the truth?

  • You need to block him on social media, block his number, and if he still gets in touch change your number. Let yourself be upset for a short amount of time, grieve, then get on with your life. He isn't your world now and you need to face it, it was a toxic relationship and you will be happy again. Speak to who were your friends and meet new ones, get outside and do things, activities, anything that get him off your mind.

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  • Iam sorry . But life goes on. It's hard but you've got to forget about him. Go on dates find friends and new hobbies that should take your mind out of it. just don't stay depressed and try to get back. Cut him off and live a happy life. Nothing worth it

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  • They say a breakup can be compared to a drug addiction and you are experiencing withdrawal. I'm seven weeks out in my break up and I went on antidepressants. I'm having a hard time too. Push yourself to get out of bed - go for a walk, exercise, reconnect with friends. It will get easier. Go see a counselor because your relationship sounds very toxic. You need to learn to love yourself again and not allow someone to cheat on you and treat you that way.

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