After 10 years together he is done. How am I supposed to move on?

My now ex and I have been together since I was 17on/off. 10 years. He took off for the army and we kept a very rocky LDR. Cheating, lies. He was finally home after 4 years but little did he know I had found someone amazing. I Chose to be with my ex in the end. We finally lived together and i made him my LIFE. I dropped all my friends and was just us. 2 years after that he said he was unhappy and we took a break, found him in bed with another girl. I made I’m choose and he chose me. Fast forward 4yrs and we bought a home together, no cheating no lies, went engagement ring shopping talked about kids. Got 2 dogs, I thought wow he’s finally changed. Then he tells me out of no where that he’s unhappy and our relationship has run it’s course. I work too much, I can’t cook or clean, I’m not as skinny as I used to be just everything you could think of. He’s always been a depressed person and he felt he needed a fresh start and a new life. I’m devasted. I begged, I cried on my knees please don’t do this. He cried and told me he didn’t want to marry me or have kids, he loves me but he couldn’t stay. He promised there was no one else. That was 3 1/2 wks ago. I’m back at my parents house, no one to come home to no dogs, no friends. Find out he’s already had sex with someone and is hanging out with her... yet he calls me when he’s feeling depressed or wants to have phone sex. And I take it because it’s better than begging to be with someone, or fighting. He doesn’t want me back and he wants to move on but I can’t seem to... I can’t eat, I can’t focus at work. I have no friends anymore, I can’t even get out of bed. I just cry all day pull myself together To make it through one day at work. I feel so depressed and even though I know I shouldn’t want him back after he’s already slept with someone, a part of me does. He is consuming my mind and I’m going crazy. I don’t know how to move on from this, I’m not ready to Let go.
Updates:
1 y
I get to the hotel with my friend last night, he blows me up saying he wants to come stay the night. He’s pissed I won’t let him come over. He cries and says he’s sorry he did this, he loves me & sorry it can’t work out. He’s not ready for anyone, no girl can replace meCalls me in the morning because that girl found all our texts/pics and come to find out he's moved this bitch in the whole time after knowing her 2-3wks. All of a sudden what he said last night was a mistake and he blocked Me. 🖕🏽
After 10 years together he is done. How am I supposed to move on?
15
5
Add Opinion