Should I have told him that I was pregnant?

I'm 23, he's 21. We've been together for 3 years. I mentioned moving in together about a couple months ago and he said he wasn't ready. I asked him if he ever considered getting married and having kids. (I didn't mean right this second. But he took it that way). He got mad and said yes but that he wasn't ready yet. I just wanted to know if that's something we see for the future.

He then told me that the more I ask, the longer he'd take. (As a way to shut me up. I guess.) but I had only ever asked three times in our 3 years together.

So I got a job offer about a month and a half ago, around the same time I found out I was pregnant. The current job I have is so-so. It's only part time and no health insurance. (I'm an Nurse Practitioner) I got a job offer in a big city, 6 hrs Away but full time, 4 times the pay, and insurance. I accepted it.

I gave my boyfriend a scenario of this. Like, what would he do if I got a job offer like this. If he would come with me. And he got mad and said his whole life is here in our small town. And that he's still got a year left of college. And that he can't drop everything, etc, etc.

It was our anniversary two weeks ago, we went to the beach (we live like an hour away from it). Had an amazing time. I start my new job this upcoming Monday, and yesterday I asked him about having kids. Again, got mad at me for bringing it up and said he wasn't ready. Just had to make sure, I guess. I asked for a break, he got beyond pissed and left.

I just want to know if I'm making the right choice. Like why tell him if he's repeatedly said he's not ready? I won't be asking for child support or whatever. This new job is enough to support me and my baby.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are pregnant with someone's child and you are HONESTLY asking if you should tell them or not? OF COURSE YOU TELL THEM!!! Are you even serious?

    Who gives a ****** what they've said before. That is hypothetical. This is real, who knows how they'll react tot he real thing. Lots of people don't want kids but love them immensely once they show up as a surprise.

    This is the kind of messed up lives, broken home situations and abortions that plague this society because people think sleeping around is just sport. This kid is going to lose their life or grow up in a broken home with no father because these couples think sex is all fun, games and sport and don't realize it is more serious.

    Who knows what this guy is going to do. I'm sure the kid will be glad to know they grew up without a father because 18 years ago mom got a good job offer. She'd die of starvation and have a worthless life if not only for this ONE job. I'm sure on your death bed your only regrets will be that you didn't make enough money and work enough hours and you wish you could go back and go make more money and work more hours because that's what makes life worth while and gives you joy in your heart.

    You're pregnant and now you are taking off with the child to raise with no father or you're going to kill the child AND you are thinking of not even telling the father? What is wrong with humanity.

    You two need to sit down and talk all of this out RIGHT NOW and he needs to know EVERYTHING.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your story doesn’t add up (there’s no way you can be a NP by 23 especially if you’re in the US.

    But assuming you’re telling at least partial truth, of course you need to tell him? He’s the kids father... also if you’re not ready to have kids, you OR him, ITS CALLED PROTECTION.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Yeah. Its possible. I was able to skip fourth grade. I also took dual enrollment classes in high school. So when I graduated at 17, I already had almost all my basics done. ALMOST. I took 6 classes a semester and two in the summer. I graduated with my Bachelor's in Nursing when I was 19. And I just finished my Masters last year after I turned 23. Keep in mind that I turn 24 in a month also. And I did this in Texas.

    • Also. We used protection. How about you try not making assumptions about people? We used condoms every time. 👏

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What Guys Said 8

  • U should of told him now he will never get the chance to be a dad and u deprive the child of a chance to know there father yes he may of just not come but that was his choice we all deserve the right to choose

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    • He doesn't want to be a dad. 😏 I've asked several times but every time I tried, he'd shut me down and start yelling and then leave.

    • There is a difference between wanting to be and u are now having a son I don't want kids anytime soon even fear it but if my girlfriend said she was pregnant even if we broke up I would have to be part of the kids life that's not a question in it

  • You should still have told him- it may have made him want to come with you, and, at any rate, you want him to have a role in his child's life.

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    • I felt like he would've grown resentment. Like he was stuck or forced into it.

    • Isn't he going to find out sometime? Won't he then be upset you didn't tell him when you not only knew but had a convo with him?

    • Is it weird that I feel like I'm doing him a favor? Since I know he doesn't want this.

  • You have an obligation to tell him. The media is full of how men mistreat women these days. This is one of the ways that women mistreat men.

    As to the rest of your situation, I see no reason why you can't move away for the job and economic security it will provide, while at the zame time coming up with a plan for him to finish his schooling and join you there in a year.

    Finally, in the history of the world I am sure there have been millions of people who said they did not want to be a parent, or were not ready, but upon a baby landing in their arms, somehow grow into and love that situation.

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  • Ditch his bitch ass.

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  • You should at least give him a chance to "man up."

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  • Should've told him

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  • congrats

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  • jeez, this is kinda similar to my life.

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    • What happened?

    • Show All
    • sometimes he'll just have to be pushed out of his comfort zone. just like I was.

    • you'll have to talk to him and let him know that you can make it without him. that should be enough of a kick to the face to wake him up.

What Girls Said 10

  • ... and how do u plan to pay for all the baby stuff and a baby sitter with part-time work? Lol wise up girl! Yes u are doing the right thing in leaving him if he doesn't want the same thing as u, but keeping the baby as a single mum? Big mistake.

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    • Did you read anything I said? I got and accepted a job offer that is six hours away that pays over 100K a year. And has insurance. THATS HOW IM GONNA PAY. Not a mistake. 😒

    • I was raised by a single mom and she made much less than what they're offering at my new FULL TIME job. NOT part time.

  • I would tell him, if you don't want to tell him in person or over the phone, at least write him a letter letting him know you are pregnant - and this was also one of the reason you kept asking him about having kids one day. Let him know how he can contact you if he wants to. There's still a chance to amend things between you! congratulations on the baby and new job! I know you made a hard decision but at least you are taking steps to take care of you and your baby,

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  • But if you’re only asking for a break, isn’t he going to find out anyway? I know that it’s hard, especially given his reaction to your hypotheticals but if you’re having the baby it’s necessary

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  • Yes, you should have told him. It takes two to make a baby and he has every right to know.
    Why does he react that way about kids and marriage, I have no idea but in the end, he's the father.

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  • He sounds very immature, but knows enough that he's not ready for children. Although if he knew this he shouldn't have been leaving his shit where it causes babies to happen... Just saying!
    I will tell you it is not easy raising a child on your own. Fincially, sure. Emotionally and physically, no not simple. Some days I don't want to adult, but when you're doing it alone, you don't have a choice.
    And, as a responsible adult, yes you should tell him. It doesn't mean he needs to alter his life if he doesn't want to. But he deserves to know. It takes two to tango. Some guys man up and realize they still aren't fucking ready and back paddle anyway.
    Maybe the real question is, do you want this man's child? It ain't easy for another man to step into play when it's not his kid, just so you know. Not saying you need to abort or give up your child, but I'm simply stating its not an easy walk to raise a human being.

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  • Tell him. He has a right to know he’s a father. Give him the chance to be an adult.

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  • you know right he does have some part in making you pregnant? tell him. he needs to know.

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  • You have to tell him.

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  • Yes... you need to tell him.

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  • Don't rule out child support. Sometimes things fall through and youbmight need it one day. Also. You should tell him. Because it is his kid but at the same time I wouldn't be shocked when he gets mad.

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