What does it look like when a guy is making an effort in a relationship?

I've forgotten what it looks like.

I'm usually the one getting him surprise treats on Valentine's, Halloweens, baking cookies/brownies, paying for dinner (or half), helping to open doors, being there when he calls me or texts me, getting him a surprise birthday gift. Being myself. Trying not to be confusing. Cracking jokes.

I'm thinking about my past relationships and I'm trying to think of one thing they've done for me that wasn't all words (e.g. 'We should go there someday', 'You're sweet', 'I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I was busy / I didn't feel too good,' )

I don't know what I'm supposed to look forward to. The past two boyfriends flirted with girls in front of me, near the end of the relationship.


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What Guys Said 2

  • you should be looking for someone who is proactive in pleasing you...your second paragraph makes you out like the man in the relationship...try reverse that and use that as a starting basis of what you want, also consider your past relationships in terms of what worked, what didn't worked and what would make that better

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  • I think what is helpful is to understand that everyone has a different way of expressing love. Yours is obvious in what you write. You want him to do things for you and buy you little treats. Those are what make you feel love and appreciation. Your boyfriend is obviously much different.

    Try this... Try asking him what he would love you to do for him. Ask him what makes him feel love from you. He may say cuddling, nice compliments, or just quality time. Do what he says. Whatever he says is likely the way he is expressing his love toward you. This should allow you to recognize it next time he does it.

    The next step would be you to make him understand that getting little treats and doing little things for you is how you feel love from him. Sit him down and explain that you feel love differently than he does. If he doesn't understand or won't understand... Then you split.

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