Is my husband cheating?

I have been married 22 years. For several reasons I was becoming suspicious and logged on to my husbands laptop. His history shows that he has been visiting a sex chat web site. I actually logged on to his account and it has not even been fully activated because he needs a credit card and I suspect that since all of our cards are joint, he didn't finish the activation. However since sometime in Aug. he has visited this site almost daily. And he is getting e-mails from from the web site letting him know that their are women interested. I haven't confronted him yet, is this considered cheating?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmmm I can understand why you are worried...but the difficulty with this is that it's hard to know what exactly you are dealing with.

    Ok so he's logged onto a sex site...most guys ( and girls) at some point become curious about the seedier side of sex particulalrly if they have been in a monogamous relationship for a long time...the internet has meant that access to p*rn etc has become much easier ( no having to go publicly into a shop to buy mags and dvds these days) and the anonymity of home pc use makes it all seem so harmless.(what the eyey don't see etc)

    You don't say much about your marriage or the kind of man your husband is...my guess is he is going through that diffcult middle age crisis period where the fear of declining youth possibly combined with the knowledge that he has reached his career ceiling and perhaps has more time on his hands as the kids have grown up and need him less have got him "rethinking" who he is and where his life is going.

    Sometimes couples can "wake up" in middle age and find that they have drifted apart or into complacancy as the years have gone by and it can seem like an unbridgable gap.

    I can understand how hurtful it must be to find your husband seemingly "looking elsewhere" and I certainly think you need to talk to him about it ( you may have to accept that his inevitable point about personal privacy is valid here) however unless you have actual evidence to the contrary I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he has actually committed adultary.

    Mayeb you could both use this as a bit of a warning bell in your marriage and look at ways you can both change to meet each others needs. Handled in the right way ( and if he is the right kind of man) this could actually lead to a renewal of all that's best in your marriage and remind you what you have to lose in each other rather than sounding the death knell for what has lasted for so long.

    I hope it works out for you both - whatever happens remember that you can't control his choices only your own reaction to them and that however he is struggling you deserve both his respect and honesty. Good Luck

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What Guys Said 2

  • I don't think he has cheated (yet), but it's not a great sign that he is looking to "chat" with other women. It could be harmless - maybe he''s just doing it for an ego boost - but he would be better off spending that energy on you. Sounds to me like he may be a little complacent/bored. Do something unexpected and fun and inject some playfullness into your relationship. 22 years with the same person REQUIRES some serious creativity.

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  • YES..y would a married man be visiting a sex chat site gaining full membership and receiving msgs,it actually means hez been sending msgs 2 and possibly be visiting nearby users...

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What Girls Said 2

  • i would consider it cheating.. I'm sorry

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  • Well if he hasn't cheated *yet* he has been thinking about it. I would consider this cheating, but you should just ask him calmly about it. Apologize for logging into his laptop, but tell him that you were having a bad feeling. And explain to him about it and how you feel.

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