I assaulted my boyfriend, need relationship advice and whether I should seek professional help?

First time I took my boyfriends phone was one month after my mother died after he accidentally showed me part of their chat. He claimed there was no contact for months. It turned out they met at her place once when I was doing nightshift, he lied he was meeting some guy. He wrote few times he missed past and asked for nude pic. He also allowed her to call le fat boring and crazy & repeatativelt state that he doesn't love me, he was also flattered by non strings sex she was iffering him. I told him I read it & our fights became frequent. Main reason I stayed with him then was my weakness & emotional state. year of LDR that followed made things worse. Now we finally live in same country & this feb. relationship seemed to have restored, but after I left we were back to phonecall fights followed by 10 day silences. Things didn't improve much when he came for Easter (his mother lives in same town). I met him after a party quite tipsy and annoyed as he didn't want to come with me. I have to be honest that drinking together became horrible since I developed weird reaction to liquor that involved seizures hyperventilation and crying and complaing either about my mom or about that emotional cheating in the past. so I met him at his friends place all seemed ok at first and then gor sole reason I took his phone when he went to toilet. 3 months back we made a 0 contact deal with regards to his ex. There were messages she wanted to talk, meet in Europe etc. He started chasing me & shouting he' d hit me. I wouldn't give the phone, struggle and he got the phone. I cried turned my drunken tape on and assaulted him, torn shirt, one punch, pulled hair finally found myself at his throat filled with hatred. They called cops who took me home. We broke up I feel horrible coz of my actions, but also think it was right to break up, just not like this. I wonder if I should seek professional help.
1 y
sorry was too frustrated to reread/edit, post makes it look like messages were between him and mom, no was his ex. I agree about the help with the head. Feels like freefall. Feel bad for what I did as when sober I would normally keep very quiet.
I assaulted my boyfriend, need relationship advice and whether I should seek professional help?
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