My closure - may be of help to you

Hi all,

I see there are a lot of "dumped" people here, that looking for their answers and trying to understand what they did wrong. I hope this may help you.

About 1.5 months ago I was brutally dumped by my girlfriend. She was always saying me that I am love of her life, "a knight in shining armour", the best thing that happened to her, her soul-mate, gorgeuos...blah blah blah...

In short - she left to vacation, after few weeks came back pregnant with her X. I didn't know anything about this, came to meet her at airport and couldn't even approach her. Few hours later I was asked by her mother not to initiate any contact with her, cause her new/old boyfriend (whatever) completely controlling her and very jealous. We talked only once, may be 5 min - she called me hiding from the toilet, saying she is sorry (I still don't understand what about exactly she is sorry), she is confused, doesn't know how it happened, it wasn't planned, she thinking about abortion, if I may consider to take her back...the funny thing that I really considered to take her back if I could see real regret and taking responsibility (she told me it was "Lord will", family pushed her, my fault...whoever, but only not hers)...

Nevermind..since then she tried to call me few times, but I ignored her calls. So we didn't talk ~37 days and last time she tried to call me was 28 days ago. Of course, I was dying to talk with her and understand what happened and to have some answers, but I expected her to come to me and look into my face and hide behind the phone and disconnect when it's not convinient. Anyway, I made a lot of research trying to understand what did I do wrong, what happened in order to make my own closure (since from her, most likely, I will never receive genuine answers even if I will see her one day).

So the article below

link

I think answered my all questions. I really strarted to feel reliefed and even not angry at her anymore, cause most likely she is a "sick" person and this is just no right to be angry at them... pity - may be...

Also, it made me understand something about myself and my patterns. I saw red flags, but ignored them...So it probably, partially my fauslt either. I am paying for my mistakes and weak character, that I didn't break up with her when I had a chance and a reason (and I had plenty...but the same day she was in my bed and the problems "were solved"...till another time). I learnt a lot from this, hope you may also.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think I have that disease or whatever it is. I some times love my husband and am the most wonderful and great person he has ever met, and some times I am the most mean and cruel person he has ever met. How can that be? What shall I do? My moods come and go, and some times I don't realize that I am in a terrible mood only... and I say and do things that are terrible. Hmmm... I am going to write a question on the relationship section... titled: terrible mood swings, what shall I DO? No, maybe not... hahah but I am in a good mood right about now... we'll see how long that lasts...

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    • You mightrbe suferring from something call Bipolar personality or you might be Histrionic. I would suggest that you do some googling over it. Having some help on these things is not bad. If you have such realisation then you are a good person and want to work out on it.,then do it before it breaks your relationship. How long your relationship go with this problem depend on how weak and codependent your husband is but this attitude may complicate things in future.

    • Hi, the fact the you admit that you have some problem - is already 50% of the recovery ! No less ! This is great that you can admit it and take responsibility. I would suggest to read as much as possible (internet, books) and to take professional help ! There is nothing to be ashamed of - if your (and your loved ones) life and happiness on stake. Ussually this kind of disorders affect many people around and not only you. You can overcome it and save a lot of pain to people around you ! Good luck

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It is amazing how things can change from one day to another! You will never know for sure who you will end up with. I had the same situation. Met a guy and said that I was it. Lets get married. Your the one. Why are we wasting time, lets just do it. We are not getting younger. Anyways, for one instant his words convinced me how good we were together. Next thing you know, done. Anyways, I understand what you went through. It is a horrible feeling. I hope you nor I go through that feeling again! I also got messages and calls but I had to stop it because it was messing with my head. I needed time away from him to heal. At this point ALL I want is for this strong chest/stomach pain to go away. I wish you luck in your future and hope that you do not ever feel like that again!

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What Guys Said 2

  • As always when I read these stories of such sudden extreme impulsive actions, I immediately thought of BPD. And sure enough, you found the answer. I feel bad for you that you went through it, but finding that is the start of a whole new awareness for you. Now, you'll want to read up on the Non, your side of it, the person without BPD who attracted someone with BPD. Learning what to do about your own issues that led you into that relationship will change your life.

    So congratulations and I'm sorry all at the same time.

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    • Hmm...spot on. I was with someone I suspect is HPD. she never tired to go and get helself checked(this is the problem with PD's they don't realize that they have problem. But I met some of the profesionals and discuss our relationship and both agree that she has strong HPD traits. I don't know....may be...may be not...but the relationship was draining and I am happy that it ended.

    • Thanks. Indeed this story made me to see my own flaws. Recently I have read about "knight in the shiny armor" syndrome - which I can also relate to it. I wish I had all this knowledge few months ago - it would save so much pain. Although, apparently it is "only" emotional - I can physically feel the pain. The time I wasted, cause I was distressed and depressed is also can not be returned back. But better now than later (after few years of marriage with kids). Glad I dodged this bullet :)

  • how long were you with this girl?

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    • I knew her 5 months before we started dating, we dated for 4 months. Although this is not a long period, for some reason I fully dedicated my self to this relationship. She "convinced" me - that this is it (actually I convinced my self, by trusting her words). I was sure I have found my soul-mate (although we from completely different worlds I am European she is Asian). I never saw it as an obstacle, only challenge. There is even more - but it is not related for the sake of this discussion

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