Repeating pattern but why?

Hello

Basically in the last 3 years I've had 4 relationships of 2-7 months where at the start the woman involved is "how were you single?", "i love you, you're amazing" and showing all the major signs of being very much into me. At the begining I'm a bit cool on the idea but I get into the relationship and we have a very good time and its going amazingly and then STOP... all over, a week or so of them acting odd and then they end it and never with any reason that means anything, nothing of any sense or substance... I'm half very angry and half utterly heartbroken and there is no lesson to learn so I don't know how to console myself. How am I amazing and a brilliant fluke of a catch one day and 7 days later I'm the ex and given no solid reason why, just "i'm not in the relationship" or "i'm sorry, my feelings have changed"... its all gettign too much, I can't keep repeating this, I'm exhausted! any advice lads and lasses?! (thanks in advance)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Listen and try to understand. You are treating them too good! In order to keep a woman interested you have to play games and counter her games. If you lay out everything from the start then there is nothing more a woman"needs" from you. If you are being the guy that "girls dream of" as far as how you are treating them, STOP. Doing anything and everything shows insecurity, clinginess, and being desperate. Doesn't mean that you are all these things, but that's what the women see, and that's all that matters. You need a change asap. Women are only interested in guys that have "something about them" that they can't exactly figure out. In other words... Let her do the talking, when she asks you something give her short and sweet answers to keep her guessing. There are some things you shouldn't talk about because she will start judging you. For example, if you don't like cats and she does, that will disqualify you imeadiately, and it will be because of stupid stuff. Don't be so reliable, have a life besides trying to be around her all the time. Be a mystery, don't fall into routine with everyday activities (work to home to dinner to sleep), routine is boring to women. DON'T BE HER FRIEND. I can't stress that enough. She has friends already and so do you, and that's not what you are there for. Don't chase women. If you call or text and she doesn't get back to you, start moving on to other women but put her on standby. Chasing boosts womens egos. Calling, texting, emailing, doing all of these 24/7 pushes women away, you have to give women space BEFORE she asks for it. If she calls, stop picking up the phone and call her back hours later. You are busy with a LIFE. Stand up for yourself. This implies that you are in control over yourself and not a doormat. If there is something you don't want to do, then don't do it, she won't like it, but she will respect you in the long run thus wanting you more. There has to be some drama and conflict or it becomes boring and predictable, and it's a relationship and attraction killer. Mix things up, you can be romantic, but you also have to be a MAN. Everything that I descibed above are just examples of what women call a jerk, a badboy. Women complain about them, but end up sleeping with them and staying with them. Become the alpha male, the cool guy not the nice guy. You must change your game, and fast!

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What Girls Said 2

  • I disagree with the idea that guys need to play hard to get to keep a woman interested. If you guys are dating for a few months, and you want to become something more serious, there should be no reason to play games.

    The reason I broke up with my boyfriend of 8months was because although he was nice and genuine, our relationship had become some kind of routine and I got bored and sick of it.

    Don't play games, just remember to spice up the relationship, and don't let your guard down. Being together for a few months doesn't mean you can start becoming slobbish and let the relationship run itself.

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  • to be honest...now that it has been such a while with some of them, you could try and reach out to them now. Find out what happened and use it for the furutre. it could be they were too shy to tell you the real reason at the time, but now that it is over they may be more honest.

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    • That's worth a shot.... thanks

What Guys Said 3

  • On our blog we recommend one main book and the reason is exactly this pattern. It's one of the most frustrating patterns for the person on either side of it and it seems to play out over and over again and people don't understand why. Reading that book changed my view of relationships forever. I really wish everyone would read it.

    You really should read the book (it's in the sidebar of our blog, which is on my profile). But in short, there is a reason you and these people attract each other and play out this pattern. The trick is that when you don't both understand what's going on, you play it out in a non-constructive way over and over. With more awareness, great opportunities can open up.

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  • sounds like you want it too bad -- 4 relationships that are long in a very short period of time ...date around -- it'll happen when it'll happen. My gut says you probably suffocate them...just a hunch based on the number of >2 month relationships you have had...you latch on...play a little harder to get and get more picky...

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  • You're not a challenge to women..I know, I was in the same situation as you years ago

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