Why does my soon to be ex-husband keep attacking me verbally? Read below for details

Ok so 1 1/2 years ago I found out that my husband was having an affair. We have since split up however he still continues to be a jurk to me every chance he gets. He acts like I'm the one who had the affair and walked out when it was him that did all of this.

He calls me names and attacks me verbally every chance he gets. He taunts me asking if I like being alone, and sends texts messages saying the same. I don't respond back to all of his crap but he still continues,. He seems to have this grudge against me for which I do not understand where it is coming from. Even his dad has confronted him about his behavior toward me. I have moved on and am very happy now, but I would like a guys opinion of why he is behaving this way.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i'd tell him if he doesn't stop then lawyers will get involved. that's harassment. things were finished between y'all completely when y'all signed the papers...even HIS DAD said something to him but he's still not doing anything about it? I'd tell him if he doesn't stop then he'll get into some legal trouble because regardless if he misses you or not, which it sounds like he does, sh*t like this is scary and unacceptable. just because he cheated doesn't mean he wanted the relationship to end. guys cheat, from my understanding, for more than one reason. we see it as just one reason (we're not giving them something they want or need) but apparently it's more than one reason it could be an ego boost, to see if they can get away with it, they aren't getting from one what they're getting from another, they need that assurance, so just because your relationship ended because he had an affair doesn't mean he was ready for it to end. although, it could be he just wants what he can't have. seriously, don't play nice guy here and be like a lot of other girls here who are all, "i don't want to be mean" or "i don't want this to be a big deal" this could get bigger than words do you really want to wait around for that?good luck

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    • I have actually filed harrassment charges against him, but he still has continued, and they can't pick him up on the warrent cause no one knows where he lives, he won't tell anyone. Of the last year I have really just been ignoring his crap thinking he would eventually grow tired of it and just stop but that clearly has not happened yet. I will take your advise on the lawyers.

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    • He only does it from a distance, via telephone or cell phone texts messages. He know darn good and well that if he comes within hitting distance I will kick his A@@!! I save all the text messages and forward them to email so I can print them off later sould I need them.

    • Oh I'm a girl that can definitely handle herself too, but a guy who's harassing me would definitely be a little intimidating. that's good but umm I'm not sure what to tell you then, until he sees you then you're a sitting duck:\

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • I agree with fleenitch on the whole "turn this on you now" thing. I had a girlfriend who did me wrong in the end and now she talks trash about me behind my back. I don't understand it either, and its useless trying to analyze everything someone does, you will never find that answer you are lookin for. I just choose to believe that she regrets it and wants me to feel like I did something wrong by her, she might even resent me for this imagined trespass. Ultimately, its their problem because they can't handle what they did to you in a responsible manner, you can rest assured you don't have anything to feel guilty about, they do.

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  • Damn, Sorry to hear all that first of all. We can be assholes sometimes.

    It sounds to me like the classic "you caught me, I'm gonna turn this on you", scenario. Even though it was a long time ago, he still probably feels regret deep down, and wants to make YOU feel bad for something HE did. He probably just wants to move on and forget about everything, and through that, comes across as a d***. Whenever I have wanted to break up with someone, I felt like I was being a d*** to them. And it's not on purpose, it's kind of this autonomous feeling of "I want to move on so bad, I feel like the only way is to be a complete asshole to you".

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  • Read up about the defense mechanism of projection. That might help explain it. And yes, as someone said, it could be part of a bigger disorder. But that mechanism may be what is going on. Amazing as it may be, he might even actually believe his reversed perception.

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  • read what fleenitch wrote about the reason and what hkygirl wrote about what to do however stop thinking about why someone does what he/she does, its a useless endeavor especially so with people you already cut out of your life... you have nothing to gain from that and the only reason you do it is because there are some lingering feeelings you haven't gotten rid of yet

    good luck to you

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    • I do not endless think about this, I was just a question that was on my mind. There are no lingering feeling that I have over this relationship. I'm just sick of his behavior and wanted a guys prospective on why he continues to behave this way.

    • I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend, my experience so far just told me if someone wastes time wondering about the behavior of an ex its cause they still care of course its also possible that there is some morbid curiosity as to why someone can act so irrational that you cannot explain it by normal means and have to look for explanations that lie outside of what you are able to observe yourself hence the question

      also thumbs up for being mature and not responding to his bullsh*t

    • Thanks

  • call police

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What Girls Said 4

  • I like what hkygirl said and agree with her. If he persists get a restraining order and from there the police and courts will take care of it for you.

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  • Why do you care? He is obviously f***ed up, and is freaking out that he has lost control of you. He wants the control back. Get a restraining order, change your number. Why are you giving him the chance to communicate with you. Be smart and protect yourself. You never know what he will do next...

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  • He sounds like my ex. He turned out to be bi-polar.

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  • He could be a NARCISSISTIC PERSON,they HATE women! He don't respect you or love you! ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS!

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