I slept with someone else during my "break" with my boyfriend and I came clean... What should I expect now?

So back story: my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 1.5 years. However, our relationship was rocky. During Christmas break, it was the rockiest. I was 7000 miles away from him, he was lying to me and everything went to shit. We both ambiguously (this is where we both fucked up) knew that we were on a break but it was never explicitly said/stated. I honestly didn't know who I was because my mind and thought was spiraling out of control because of all the lies he was telling me, and fabricating his lies with more lies. So when we stopped talking for a bit, I did a fucked up thing and slept with someone else. I honestly am not going to try make up sorry excuses for myself because I honestly feel extremely remorseful and regretful of my actions. When Christmas break ended and my boyfriend and I reconvened and were in the same country again, I told myself I would come clean about everything, but I simply couldn't. I held it in however, the guilt kept growing and growing. I see myself in the long-run with this guy and I knew that if I kept this from him, and continued this dishonesty, this relationship isn't something that is going to last. So I did the hard thing of simply coming clean to him today. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do but I knew that if I had the littlest respect for my boyfriend, he deserved to know this at the very least. I don't know what to expect right now. He was obviously hurt and in complete pain. I could see it in his eyes and his body positioning. He told me that he still loved me and that he forgives me. But he just needs some time to sit in this and process everything I told him (which is totally understandable). I'm just so scared, I don't know what to expect out of this? Any thoughts? :\
Updates:
A little update: I talked to my boyfriend yesterday and showed him my remorse. I promised him that I would do anything and everything on my end to show him that I'm 100% committed and that this is the biggest regret of my life. There's nothing I can do to change the past, and me coming clean was a choice to move forward. He says he forgives me but still needs time to process the pain he feels. I just can't help but think he deserves so much better and I don't know what to do. Will we be ok?
So I've been talking to my boyfriend and doing everything on my end to show him my remorse and help him move on. I want your opinion: every time we talk about this, (it's only been a week so i know he's still mourning) he keeps telling me that he forgives me but he doesn't THINK he'll ever be able to look past it, and soon he's going to do smth to hurt me. But the other part of him still wants this and loves me so is giving us another shot. Do you think we will be able to get past this?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Look, I'm not gonna feed you some bullshit like, oh dont worry if he really loves you he will come back. This is the truth: You have fucked him up inside. When a guy truly loves his girlfriend, the thought another man so much as making you laugh can rock his world, it can put him his world into terror. And I can tell you know, he isn't angry, not really. He may think he is, but the fact is he is mistaking it for fear. The man is terrorfied right now. But look, after a few days, he will process that fear and only then will he know.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Do you think he'll be able to look past it and move on? Or will he never be able to look past it and our relationship is just over? :\

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    • Do you think he would ever be able to just overcome this? Or will this forever be engrained into him? :(

    • He will overcome, but very rarely it will cross his mind, and it will make him sick.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I almost never hear of couples overcoming cheating.

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    • So do you think this is a lost cause? :\

    • Yes. There isn't turning back now

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Well sleeping with another man didn’t help things, but it’s good that you admitted it. Also, it sounds like he wasn’t being the best boyfriend so even if your behaviour wasn’t great it’s understandable. All you can do is give him some tune to process all this and see what happens. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.

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  • If you hadn't talked about break then you weren't on a break (You don't know what he thought as you hadn't discussed it). You cheated. You need to give him time to process and decide what he wants to do.
    He shouldn't have lied to you, whatever it was, dosent excuse your behaviour. Assuming you can get over this, the two of you seriously need to look at how you communicate. And you need to be truthfulnwith each other, rebuild trust on both sides

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    • Thank you :) Yeah... I fucked up big time, and I know it. I'm not going to do anything to conceal it or justify my actions because I know they were simply just wrong. Once we reconvened after Christmas break, we worked on our communication skills a lot. In fact, we both changed by miles. I just couldn't bring myself to confess this until just recently.

    • You've given yourselves the best chance. Being honest, getting everything out in the open means you can deal with it.
      Good luck to you. I hope you guys can work it out

    • Still early to tell. He's working through your betrayal, there's going to be grief and anger. It may take some time to bottom out how he really feels about things. At this point you just need to be patient, let him work things through in his head.

  • "I see myself in the long run with this guy"

    You need to reevaluate that now that you cheated on him. He can no longer be your boyfriend in a healthy relationship. He no longer trusts you and never truly will. And you shouldn't have any respect left for him for him forgiving you, basically saying it's ok that you cheated. Now you know you can get away with it, you'll probably cheat again in the future knowing there won't be consequences. Drop him, move on, and don't cheat again.

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  • Who knew what happens on movies happened in real life

    Let me guess you had some thoughts and some guy talked to you then suddenly you both got intense from starring at each other then bam it got really hot and you started having some hadrcore sex will boyfriend be thinking about his girl that's the moment the TV splits the girl on the left f**king the guy on the right thinking and maybe drinking

    Well I would say he would get mad both of you might argue but everything will be alright

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  • you shared with him only because you felt guilt and it was a weight on you. you knew your relation may break if you tell him still you told because getting relieved of that guilt was far more weighty on you. so basically you have put the ball in his court. let him respond now. accept whatever he decides. he has every right to.

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    • Actually, holding in this fact that I slept with someone was the hardest thing I had to do (other than also coming clean). I held it in not for selfish reasons but simply because I saw no good from telling him other than hurting him. And my consequences would be the feeling of guilt eating away inside of me. But I soon realized that this wasn't the best way to address certain things, and sometimes, coming clean and simply being truthful, even if it meant hurting the significant other, was the preferable option. Because at least it practices honesty. And I realized that

  • repressed anger. he's going to throw it in your face at some point. A "break" isn't a window to f uck other people, its a time to re-consider and take a breather from each other. people like you are pieces of shit who use breaks to have sex with other people.

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  • You feel better after telling him, but he feels awful. Maybe you should've felt awful for a little longer to teach yourself a lesson.

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    • Actually, holding in this fact that I slept with someone was the hardest thing I had to do (other than also coming clean). I held it in not for selfish reasons but simply because I saw no good from telling him other than hurting him. And my consequences would be the feeling of guilt eating away inside of me. But I soon realized that this wasn't the best way to address certain things, and sometimes, coming clean and simply being truthful, even if it meant hurting the significant other, was the preferable option. Because at least it practices honesty. And I realized that :\

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    • Thank you so much for your input ! I truly appreciate it :) I honestly hope it all works out :\

    • No problem! I hope everything works out for you too! 😊

  • He may leave you. Yes it was a break, BUT you betrayed his trust. How do you know he didn't cheat on you. If it was me your ass would have been OUT the door !

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  • Poor kid. He's probably gonna have a hard time trusting anyone for a while, especially you. If you had someone whilst you were on a break but/not really a break, then you clearly wern't invested in your now boyfriend. You should have told him as soon as it happened if you felt guilt and shame, not waited till the break was over and you were firmly back in the relationship, he might have had the oppotunity to cut you off and leave if you'd said straight away. He would have been saved from the embarrassment as well as pain.
    I really hope it works out for you. I do.
    However you were selfish and you're lucky he's even still there.

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  • How long were you on a break?

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  • I would have kept my mouth shut

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  • ha ha ha ha slut

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  • Ask you can do is wait and watch.

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  • You poisoned the water but sometimes there is a delayed reaction. I consider this over, but the question is when, rather than if. You could have easily just sat in doors and flicked off to some lesbian porn...

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What Girls Said 5

  • This is way too complicated and not that serious... Just leave and start over.

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  • You just lost trust and trust is hard to regain.

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    • Do you think its impossible? :\

    • Not impossible but very very hard and it needs work from you

    • I know. I'm going to do anything and everything in my part to regain his trust in me. I'm just scared that he will never 100% come through :(

  • I never would've told him

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  • Sounds like you're doomed

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  • At least you were honest but you shiusjnt dothat

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