So back story: my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 1.5 years. However, our relationship was rocky. During Christmas break, it was the rockiest. I was 7000 miles away from him, he was lying to me and everything went to shit. We both ambiguously (this is where we both fucked up) knew that we were on a break but it was never explicitly said/stated. I honestly didn't know who I was because my mind and thought was spiraling out of control because of all the lies he was telling me, and fabricating his lies with more lies. So when we stopped talking for a bit, I did a fucked up thing and slept with someone else. I honestly am not going to try make up sorry excuses for myself because I honestly feel extremely remorseful and regretful of my actions. When Christmas break ended and my boyfriend and I reconvened and were in the same country again, I told myself I would come clean about everything, but I simply couldn't. I held it in however, the guilt kept growing and growing. I see myself in the long-run with this guy and I knew that if I kept this from him, and continued this dishonesty, this relationship isn't something that is going to last. So I did the hard thing of simply coming clean to him today. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do but I knew that if I had the littlest respect for my boyfriend, he deserved to know this at the very least. I don't know what to expect right now. He was obviously hurt and in complete pain. I could see it in his eyes and his body positioning. He told me that he still loved me and that he forgives me. But he just needs some time to sit in this and process everything I told him (which is totally understandable). I'm just so scared, I don't know what to expect out of this? Any thoughts? :\
A little update: I talked to my boyfriend yesterday and showed him my remorse. I promised him that I would do anything and everything on my end to show him that I'm 100% committed and that this is the biggest regret of my life. There's nothing I can do to change the past, and me coming clean was a choice to move forward. He says he forgives me but still needs time to process the pain he feels. I just can't help but think he deserves so much better and I don't know what to do. Will we be ok?
So I've been talking to my boyfriend and doing everything on my end to show him my remorse and help him move on. I want your opinion: every time we talk about this, (it's only been a week so i know he's still mourning) he keeps telling me that he forgives me but he doesn't THINK he'll ever be able to look past it, and soon he's going to do smth to hurt me. But the other part of him still wants this and loves me so is giving us another shot. Do you think we will be able to get past this?