Does it get easier to date after your first love?

Im 30 and I was a lot late to the dating game. I was married before this past relationship. Me and my ex husband were best friends, to say i loved him would be a truth stretch i loved him in a sence. I met my recent ex and was floored. I never knew attraction and heart and every thing I've heard about was really true. But with the amazing stuff has come some really crappy stuff. I can name 10,000 things that he's lost over the past 5 years i feel like im responsible for destroying him. I had letters and emails written that he had been cheating. And its happened a lot over the last few years. I know he's lying or he wouldn't be so angry and offputting if it wasn't true... so I know what he's bringing to the table. He hasn't worked in years and his attitude towards me is hurtful and i hate it. Yet i can't walk away, he's an unhealthy addiction. My problem is i dont like other people, my ex is a lazy dirtbag with a bad attitude and not easy to talk to. I feel like a broken person and I feel so mean because my ex will beg and profess his love to me and its gotten to hard to ignore the crappy reality. I call other guys the "white picket fence men" i dont want to be married again i want to experience life with a person. My person. Not defined by labels and boundaries, a best friend. Is that possible? Does it get easier to find other people attractive? Has anyone ever loved more than one person? And side question has anyone been on the other end of this situation?
Does it get easier to date after your first love?
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