If someone avoids dating due to long distance, is it really because there not interested?

Is it an excuse? Is it really because you don’t like them enough?

Or is it because you know it just won’t work for whatever reason at this point, even though you like them?

im mostly interested in answers from those with experience...
Thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Could be because the person knows that there is a chance someone else could come into their lives or the other persons. Also people change over time and possibly over long distance relationship. They could like you and know that someone better could come into your life with in the time you are in a long distance relationship.

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    • I agree, it makes sense. Id day that also means they weren’t really into the person too much to begin with though.

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    • Doesn’t everyone feel like that though, and always rate themselves lower than what they are. It is true, you do need to find a good one first who loves you for who you really are though and not all of that other stuff.

    • Yeah that is true. I may change my mind about it when we hang out, but I will kinda keep that thought in my head.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in a long distance relationship and it FUCKING SUUUUUUUUCKS! But I love him. 🤷‍♀️
    So I'd rather have a long distance relationship with someone I love than have relationships with other guys that I just kind of like and that I'll get bored with in a few months or even just a few weeks time. I know this because I've been in this long distance relationship on and off or a looooong time and I've experienced it.
    It's hard. Really hard and I've broken up with him a few times because it's so hard.
    It's not the sex part, which is pretty important to me but I can deal with that, but it definitely has to do with the physical. Sometimes I have a shitty day and all I want is to be able to be with him and have him rub my head and tell me how much he loves me and that everything will be ok. But because it's long distance it's obviously not possible to have that. When you're in a relationship with someone you love it's like no matter what happens to one you're both going to take it on. When it's long distance, it does impact the other but you don't really have the same sense of "you and me against the world", at least I don't feel that way and that's a bit tough for me.
    There's also the issue of trust, if you're wondering what he's doing and he lives a few miles away from you there's no way you're going to work when you're not sure what he's doing and he lives halfway across the country. I trust him. I know he won't do something to hurt me and he knows I won't do something that will hurt him. You have to have that trust and faith in them, without it you might as well save yourself the heartache and hard times and just call it quits now.

    I think it's very possible that they're not wanting to get into a long distance relationship just because it's a long distance relationship and I'd have to guess the success rate is pretty low, I don't know for sure though.
    It's pretty hard to guess why he might not want a LDR it very well could be that he's not interested in you, could be that he's not THAT interested in you and a LDR will likely just end in a loss or it could just be that he wants nothing to do with a LDR. Some people will just say flat out no to LDRs no matter what.

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    • Yeah I suppose negative experiences of it are related to s negative outlook. So you’re right, it could well be either I suppose.

    • It's just really difficult to say. I mean chances are he knows at least one person thats in a LDR and the toll it can take or was in a LDR and it failed miserably. Then you get the people saying how awful they are. It's just tough to overcome even if he hasn't personally experienced it.
      It's not all bad though. You definitely connect more because you have no other options than to communicate, sex isn't getting in the way and clouding your judgement.
      It's just really hard going from normal relationships where you have the other person there to a relationship with your phone really.
      If it's with the right person though, it's still tough don't get me wrong but it's absolutely worth it.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • It has nothing to do with how much you like them, it has to do with the fact that most people need their relationship to be more real, and an LDR doesn't provide that. In the past an LDR was a circumstance, not something that people willingly went into. LDRs just take a lot more work, and you don't get as many benefits of being in a relationship as you would if the person lived closer.

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    • Yeah I know, good points. But why give up on it instead of work towards and end goal if you really like them?

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    • Yeah I know what you’re saying and I’d say it’s teue for the majority. I think you might maybe change your mind m if you met someone you really liked though.

    • I am always open to being proven wrong =)

  • That's because long distance is hard to make work especially if you dont have the means to meet up it can only make it harder being with someone you can't see I've been through this with 3 different girls (dont ask) or 4 I forgot but point is it's not easy the people that dont avoid it know there is a slim chance that it could work we dont like those odds so it's better to not even do it to yourself and get emotionally invested

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  • In my experience it never works. Or hasn't for me. It's really hard to see and learn who a person is when you can't see each other on a normal basis. When you finally do you may be surprised at who they are and may not like it. People aren't the same in person as they are on the phone.

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    • Yeah that can be true too

  • It's mostly because intimate relations are supposed to be intimate. Long distance might induce being not interested because personally I like having someone to hug, hold, and cuddle. Long distance sicks because it's very limited to what you can do and most people don't have computer games so we can't even play a game together. It really seems as if there is 0 benefit to having a relationship with them and closes you off to what you are looking for nearby.

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    • I’ve always agreed! I find it incredibly frustrating and would rather not bother if I can’t soend time with them. That’s why I’m so confused about having feelings for someone who’s long distance.

  • Have no experience in long distance relationship but I think some people like reality and love true things that they can touch with their hands that would be more true for them.

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    • So if you were with someone and then you had to go long distance for a year you’d let it go? Understandable with the justification. But I also think they could make time to visit each other between perhaps.

    • Sure no , unless I'm not Ok with that person and I should talk to explain that to him/her before I travel.

  • It's because long distance dating doesn't work. Only exception is if it is a temporary step in an already established relationship

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    • Yeah I think you’re right there

  • Long distance relationships creates more challenges and often develops trust issues. Most people avoid it because of the challenges and the difficulty it presents.

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    • Understandable. I can definitely see that.

  • Because it's played out for them. They feel guilty about what they are doing with someone else that is closer. No one wants to work hard at a relationship and distance makes it that much harder.

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    • Well, honesty is always best.

  • For me it was that I wanted things out of the relationship that wasn't possible. It didn't feel like we were together and spent long streches of time apart.

    Although I think some time apart helps a relationship. I think in some instances you realise that it's not what you want in a relationship.

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  • Long distance doesn't work unless you have plans to move close to each other or in with eachother at some point in the near future

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    • Agree 100%. It’d be pointless otherwise.

  • It's because most people can't do LDR as they like the phiscal aspect of a relationship and can't only deal with talking

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    • So you think they only really like the physical benefit they get from it? THte rest isn’t enough?

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    • I would need to follow them I couldn't do a LDR the longing for them would be too much

    • Understandable

  • Long distance is really tough. I once dated a lady 3000 miles away. It's hard not being able to hold them. And to make things more difficult one person or both MUST leave everything behind in order for the relationship to have a chance to work in the long term. Most people are not willing to even try. Unless I fall Maddly in love I'm not willing to do a long distance relationship again.

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  • i know that it can work
    but he sacrifice his job (officer in police) so he can be with her 8 764 km

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    • I appreciated that positive example 🙂

    • everything is possible in this life we just have to work hard to get them
      good luck ;)

    • I agree! 🙂

  • At that point if that person is not doing the effort to meet up with you, I would say that it is not worth the time from your part either

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    • Oh absolutely. I was just curious as to people thoughts on it.

  • It's because dating long distance doesn't work ever and it's retarded and childish to try.

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    • I wouldn’t say retarded and childish at all. That discredits those with families in the military for a start.

    • You're retarded. A lot of long distance relationships work. My parent were in a 4 year long distance relationship an have been married for 10 years.

  • Long distance relationships are awful. I was in one for a few months and it was a major reason why we broke up.

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    • My current girlfriend and I agreed we wouldn't do long distance because we knew it wouldn't work so I just agreed to move with hwr

  • I've been there couple of times... Long distance relationships feels good in start then insecurity and trust issues comes your way and 90% of the times it just doesn't work at some point.

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  • I am not a patient person. I don't want to wait to meet a person or sleep with them. I am a very sexual being and need regular sex. I'm not going to wait for a person in a different state or country, so it wouldn't be fair to them.
    I also don't like long distance driving for a relationship. I like to see the person I'm dating on a regular basis. I'm very outdoorsy, and dating someone even an hour away would be annoying. I don't want to drive an hour to meet her, then go for a long hike, or whatever, then drive home right after.
    I'm not going to commute even further to work just for this relationship.

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  • It is beacuse long distance relationships are hard...

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    • The person will always be wondering what you're doing when he's not around

  • Doesn't matter to me

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  • Long distance don't work. I have experience.

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  • Long distance can affect people in different ways. It might not be a problem for certain people whereas it might be a big problem for others.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I don’t know what you’d consider my situation to be, but I met a guy while on vacation 2 years ago and we visited each other several times. We haven’t seen each other in person for over a year but he still texts me every day. We are casually seeing others but I really like him. However I think the only way it could become more is if I moved closer. It’s difficult to say what would happen if I did live near by, a part of me would like to find out.

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  • I'm in a LDR and you really do get to know the person better then if they were in your home town. LDR are more serious. You need to have a end goal for one of you moving weather its marriage or moving in together. Even 5 min phone calls become more special

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  • Long distance relationships are not for everyone. People have different needs. There is nothing wrong with that.

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    • This is not about wrong or right. It’s just exploring peoples views and experiences.

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    • Yeah I get that, from your point of view, but the words you used sounded like you were talking in place of everyone.

    • By saying “there’s nothing wrong with that” it sounds like you’re trying to justify something that isn’t there. Nobody suggested there was anything wrong with anything to begin with!

  • I think that to keep the spark going you need physical contact, and I don't just mean sex when I say that. Just touching someone's hand. When you are missing that warmth it's hard to keep a relationship or friendship alive. At least this is how it is for me.

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  • Long distance is only for people who have a strong relationship and a strong love

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  • Nope because that's too difficult to partake within can I meet them that's a nice guy you have there break it off hurts too much to be within it 😊👍

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